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Old 10th March 2009, 01:47 AM   #46
JWD
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Re: belated "hello"

well I think I've found my reason to stop moaning. You two women have been through so much. Makes me ashamed of my pity posts.

You're both fab strong women.
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Old 10th March 2009, 02:35 PM   #47
Ageing Grace
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Re: belated "hello"

Ehh, thanks JWD

Welcome to the club!
AG x
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Old 11th March 2009, 02:46 AM   #48
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Re: belated "hello"

JWD..

They say character is forged by how you overcome adversity. One has to look to the next day and not get bogged down byt today and what cannot be changed. Hopefully, we learn from the mistakes and get it better next time.

I read the obituaries. Not every day, but often, and read the lives that people have lived. It is always sad to see how many packed so much in and left so many people behind to love and admire them. That says that each life is precious and we don't have time to waste in self pity.We never see what comes ahead for us so we must live each day to the fullest. If a day is dull then maybe you should clean a closet or begina project you promised yourself you would do one day.

Maybe I believe that we each have to have our own,"bucket list." That is a wish list of things we would like to do one day. That is so much more productive than to worry about why something happened in the past.
I still have paintings to create, beautiful dresses to sew, stories to tell and places I want to see. That means I am too busy to look behind at the stupid things I did years ago. I think that is the meaning of depression which is regret and sadness and lack of hope.

JWD, I hope things are better for you. I hope you make them better.
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Old 12th March 2009, 12:27 AM   #49
Hilary
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Re: belated "hello"

I couldn't agree more aokgal. Excellent advice/suggestions. If I focussed on all of the things I have done wrong in life I don't think I would be here today - I'd have topped myself years ago.

But I've done a lot right and I'm now setting up for a new career to take over once my contract runs out in 15 months time. You have to remember that once you reach 60 you are only half way through your adult life (40 down, 40 to go). So those of you in your twenties, thirties and 40s - you are just learners.

In my bucket list I have:
Set up a new income stream (or 4) to take the place of the job income (currently learning)
Continue improving my health and fitness - I do like the feeling of being fit
I want to learn to speak 6 languages and play 6 musical instruments
I want to learn to sing
I want to learn to draw and paint
I want to travel to the UK and Europe to explore family genealogy and see places my parents used to talk about and to travel with friends for a bit more fun
Oh, yes and I want some lovely furniture - excellent quality individually designed wood pieces
And to have the opportunity to home school the grandchildren if the local high school turns out to be too bad
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Old 12th March 2009, 12:40 AM   #50
JWD
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Re: belated "hello"

see my latest post Kgal


I was beginning to hate myself for the self-pity. it's a horrible existen
I'm a nice person, not perfect but I'm kind and a softie and I have friends and family who adore me. I see that now.

One day at a time.

Getting hair cut over the weekend

Going to but new bed spread and hang some nice pictures up that H didn't like.

Going to gut this house tomorrow.

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Old 12th March 2009, 12:57 PM   #51
Hilary
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Re: belated "hello"

JWD, what do you want in your future?
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Old 12th March 2009, 01:57 PM   #52
JWD
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Re: belated "hello"

I want to be loved and adored by H, I want to be secure, with myself and at peace. thats the truth. And I know I need to work on me for that and that it asks a lot of H or anyone for that matter.

That's what I want at the moment
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Old 12th March 2009, 01:58 PM   #53
JWD
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Re: belated "hello"

Maybe I should say that what I really want is to be happy with myself without having these things or NEEDING these things/people. Yes that's what I want.
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Old 13th March 2009, 01:07 AM   #54
Hilary
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Re: belated "hello"

Good on you JWD. If you go for being happy with yourself then the other is much more likely to happen. and when it does its lovely. Icing on the cake!

So what is your next step to make it happen?
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Old 13th March 2009, 02:14 PM   #55
JWD
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Re: belated "hello"

Hey you, well, I think I can understand what happened. I'm not saying it's cool what he did, it's not but I now know that anyone in the world, no matter how much you love them, are capable of letting you down and not reaching your expectations and that maybe my expectations of people were a tad high. What's that saying? don't judge people by your own standards as they'll always let you down?

I think I need to relax a bit, accept that bad things happen, even to little old me, and that we get through them.

So, I'm going to join a self esteem class in my area, I'm going to start being more responsible for my finances, stop being lazy and pick up a few extra shifts, and starts being independent. And I'm going to do nice things every now and then like give blood.

I'm going to try and be less critical and get back to having a right good belly laugh again. I miss laughing til your tears drop down your face.

I'd love to help people out in similar circumstances eventually.

I'm going to try do more nice things like give blood, and I'm going to make a donation to the samaratins as I think they know me by voice now lol.

Do you know they do that voluntary. There are lovely people everywhere.

:-)
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Old 13th March 2009, 06:29 PM   #56
Ageing Grace
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Re: belated "hello"

What a fantastic post, JWD. Can you print that one out & put somewhere easy to find on your less-good days?

This self-enhancement stuff is so easily forgotten, amongst everyday turbulence - and yet it is what makes us happier, both as individuals and in partnership. God, I sound like one of those motivational trainers

The fact that you managed to put those positive thoughts together while knee-deep in your kitchen ceiling is AMAZING! Give yourself a whole box of gold stars, girl, you're a winner

I've been on both ends of the Samaritans' phone line and, yes, they need all the help they can get. Good thought there

Love,
AG
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Old 13th March 2009, 07:37 PM   #57
JWD
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Re: belated "hello"

aww thanks grace. They are great, once I'm fully over this I'll write them a letter thanking them.
x
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Old 14th March 2009, 03:58 AM   #58
1aokgal
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Re: belated "hello"

JWD...

Sounds like there is the stirrings of self esteem and good plans to take over your own destiny and not dependent on the whims of another.

I did some of this the last two days as well. I said,"No" to someone putting me in one of those spots. You feel as if you just got manipulated to meet anothers needs when that is not where you want to be. I had relucantly agreed. I then emailed back with a firm "no." and I owe no one explanation. Chew on that. I had an instant feeling of relief I was off the hook.

There is a deadline I need to meet and that means I don't always have time to do things, or go to lunch or other things. This is important for me. I would have gone along with things and been watching the clock and felt resentful to be talked into something. That is one of my pitfalls at times. When you try to be a pleaser..it ends up biting you later. I would not have met my deadline or I would have been stressed to get it out on time.

Hope every day gets better.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 14th March 2009 at 07:49 AM.
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Old 14th March 2009, 11:20 AM   #59
JWD
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Re: belated "hello"

Thank you aokgal.
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Old 15th March 2009, 12:28 AM   #60
Hilary
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Re: belated "hello"

Sounds great JWD - really positive moving on.

My suggestion is that you actively program those activities in for the next week and to make sure you do give blood and book in for the self esteem course and then tell us when you have done it.

Today, after I've taken my grandchildren and dog to the dog park I'm going to spend time on my vision board for the year - I'm making a pictorial expression about my intentions for this year. Its half done and I want to fill out several areas which are a bit week.

To AG, JWD & AOK - we are wonderful women making great strides in our lives - let us all keep it up.
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