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Old 3rd September 2015, 10:12 AM   #16
chosen
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Re: Separated and will not talk

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Originally Posted by poncecarlos View Post
She won't listen to me or anyone. Our daughter has even told her that and she shut them out of her life and tells everyone he is real and the love is real. But this week has been good she is talking and talking to me more being open.
Thsts positive at least, but she is blinded by this scammer whose only desire is to steal from her. If she refuses to send him any more money he will disappear. I would make sure that she has no access to your earnings or they will disappear.
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Old 5th September 2015, 05:24 PM   #17
poncecarlos
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Re: Separated and will not talk

All this week she has been msging me and talking to me. We will go out and even go places. We had dinner together last night. But every time we see each other she always tells me "That my heart belongs to someone else. I feel so in love. A sense of freedom." And all I can tell her is that I am happy for her. Because any negative reaction she will push me away. In my mind I think, how can you feel so in love with a foreigner from India that you have never in your life met, only known him for a very short time and he Photoshops his picture to make himself look very light complected. When she tells me this she starts to crying and tells me she never meant to hurt me. I don't know what to think. All I can keep doing is praying to God for his truth to be known. I just hope this foreigner is removed from between my marriage already. So the healing process can fully start.

Last edited by poncecarlos; 5th September 2015 at 05:27 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 5th September 2015, 06:46 PM   #18
chosen
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Re: Separated and will not talk

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Originally Posted by poncecarlos View Post
All this week she has been msging me and talking to me. We will go out and even go places. We had dinner together last night. But every time we see each other she always tells me "That my heart belongs to someone else. I feel so in love. A sense of freedom." And all I can tell her is that I am happy for her. Because any negative reaction she will push me away. In my mind I think, how can you feel so in love with a foreigner from India that you have never in your life met, only known him for a very short time and he Photoshops his picture to make himself look very light complected. When she tells me this she starts to crying and tells me she never meant to hurt me. I don't know what to think. All I can keep doing is praying to God for his truth to be known. I just hope this foreigner is removed from between my marriage already. So the healing process can fully start.
The answer is that she isnt in love with him. She THINKS she is in love with who she THINKS he is. Pray that God will reveal his true colours. He is either making up an identity and scamming her, or if he is real(doubtful) he is still scamming her as she is sending him money, and is probably after a passport. Either way he cares nothing for her at all, only for what he can get out of her. Its happening ALL the time to hundreds of thousands of people.
IF you can get his email address do some research on line. Also if you know what site she met him on you can tell them that he is a scammer and asking for money and have him banned.
Have you talked to her about the money she is giving him? Have you checked the bank accounts? His financial demands will get more and more BTW as she get more and more caught in the trap.

PLEASE dont tell her that you are happy for her because that is a lie and she doesnt need to hear that. She needs to know what a trap she is getting caught up in, and the consequences will be messy. You may need to let her go and face the consequences of her actions. Not sure why seeing her is helpful at all, it must be awful for you being told that she loves another man. Would you meet with her and tell her that you were in love with another woman and expect her to put up with that?
Let her take that path if she must, but step back is my advise. It will only be when she discovers what he is doing that she will think of the marriage and working on reconciliation, and that may take time, but in the mean time protect your bank accounts.
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Old 6th September 2015, 05:22 PM   #19
Raymond
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Re: Separated and will not talk

I agree. Don't tell her you are happy for her. If you see through this you are not happy for her. She is in a deception. If you know about christianity you will know about the great deceiver. This balloon has to be popped somehow. Telling someone to leave their wife is incidious.

I think it is still good to see her and restore your relationship but pray against this wrong spirit that is trying to get in through this fellow. Get those to pray at your church also that this thing will be exposed to her. From what I have heard of it it is not good. Could be that his next step is to get a visa and get British nationality through marriage to her or if you are in the US ditto.
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Old 6th September 2015, 06:24 PM   #20
Lindentree1
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Re: Separated and will not talk

Your wife has been giving him money, and you seem remarkably unconcerned about that. Why? Has she stopped giving him money? If not, have you made steps to protect any joint assets?

I agree. Don't tell her you're happy for her.
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Old 8th September 2015, 07:57 PM   #21
poncecarlos
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Re: Separated and will not talk

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Your wife has been giving him money, and you seem remarkably unconcerned about that. Why? Has she stopped giving him money? If not, have you made steps to protect any joint assets?

I agree. Don't tell her you're happy for her.
She left to her parents and it has been a month now. She opened her own bank accounts and has her own job. I can not stop her from sending him her money. She is stubborn. Even her own family, parents and sister she will not listen to. If you tell her anything bad about him or what she is doing she will ignore you and will not talk to you. I have prayed and have been going to church, they also pray for my family and my wife. To me it looks like she is trying to see how far she can upset me by telling me she love another, even though we know it isn't true. It is a fantasy she has created behind the sweet talking words. I know she is only saying it to get back at me for what I have done. She had just recently talk to me since last week. I asked God for clarity on his will to save my marriage. In the beginning of last week when she first started talking to me she would not let me touch her. Each day that has gone by we see more and more of each other and now each day we have been physically getting closer to one another.

Last edited by poncecarlos; 8th September 2015 at 07:57 PM. Reason: spelling I am sure there is more mispelling
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Old 8th September 2015, 08:01 PM   #22
chosen
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Re: Separated and will not talk

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She left to her parents and it has been a month now. She opened her own bank accounts and has her own job. I can not stop her from sending him her money. She is stubborn. Even her own family, parents and sister she will not listen to. If you tell her anything bad about him or what she is doing she will ignore you and will not talk to you. I have prayed and have been going to church, they also pray for my family and my wife. To me it looks like she is trying to see how far she can upset me by telling me she love another, even though we know it isn't true. It is a fantasy she has created behind the sweet talking words. I know she is only saying it to get back at me for what I have done. She had just recently talk to me since last week. I asked God for clarity on his will to save my marriage. In the beginning of last week when she first started talking to me she would not let me touch her. Each day that has gone by we see more and more of each other and now each day we have been physically getting closer to one another.
Just dont tell her you are happy for her because you arent, and if she starts telling you how much she loves him just stand up to her and ask her not to do it. I pray that she will see this man for who he is. She will regret being taken in by him and all the money she will loose.
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Old 8th September 2015, 08:04 PM   #23
Lindentree1
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Re: Separated and will not talk

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Originally Posted by poncecarlos View Post
She left to her parents and it has been a month now. She opened her own bank accounts and has her own job. I can not stop her from sending him her money. She is stubborn. Even her own family, parents and sister she will not listen to. If you tell her anything bad about him or what she is doing she will ignore you and will not talk to you. I have prayed and have been going to church, they also pray for my family and my wife. To me it looks like she is trying to see how far she can upset me by telling me she love another, even though we know it isn't true. It is a fantasy she has created behind the sweet talking words. I know she is only saying it to get back at me for what I have done. She had just recently talk to me since last week. I asked God for clarity on his will to save my marriage. In the beginning of last week when she first started talking to me she would not let me touch her. Each day that has gone by we see more and more of each other and now each day we have been physically getting closer to one another.
I wish you luck. I hope she realizes this is all a fantasy. The reality of the man who loves her is right before her. I hope your marriage is saved. I'm sorry you are going through this.
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Old 8th September 2015, 10:00 PM   #24
Raymond
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Re: Separated and will not talk

It's a new angle to me that she is doing this to get back at you for your neglect of her. This is a better situation, if it is true, than if she is really taken up with this fellow. How sure can you be that you are right? The right response would depend on the correct analysis.

Whatever that you are getting more friendly to her as time goes on cannot be bad. Could you ask her to forgive you? She would need to do that so that you could both have a fresh start.
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Old 9th September 2015, 05:59 PM   #25
poncecarlos
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Re: Separated and will not talk

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It's a new angle to me that she is doing this to get back at you for your neglect of her. This is a better situation, if it is true, than if she is really taken up with this fellow. How sure can you be that you are right? The right response would depend on the correct analysis.

Whatever that you are getting more friendly to her as time goes on cannot be bad. Could you ask her to forgive you? She would need to do that so that you could both have a fresh start.
She tells me that she forgives me. I don't think she mean it because she keeps bring that up. I have told her how I felt and why I started to get distant.
Everyone is right about me telling her that I am happy for her. I now ask her not to bring that up. Now she calls me more and messages me more frequent. I haven't pushed, all I have done is just stepped back and she is now the one who communicates with me. Today out of no where she calls me at work just to see what I am doing. It really caught me by surprise and didn't know what to say. So I asked if she want to come to my work. She did. We talked for a while. Just looking at her I can tell there is something wrong. I know and see she really isn't happy.
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Old 9th September 2015, 06:07 PM   #26
chosen
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Re: Separated and will not talk

Just carry on being slightly distant and not contacting her at all, but open to any real effort she make to work on the marriage and reconcile. Sometimes when we cut the other halF free to chase their dreams they will realise what they will lose and come back. Of course a condition of her wanting to get back together will have to be no more contact with these men, and a complete openness with her phone and computer. Also some good marriage counseling will help.
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Old 10th September 2015, 09:55 AM   #27
Raymond
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Re: Separated and will not talk

I agree. Show her you love her but I think the conditions Chosen mentioned are important. That is quite reasonable if you are going to have a new life. You don't want any of this business affecting your marriage. It is a kind of mental adultery which she pursued when she surmised you didn't care about her. You need to be brave and take the driving seat when the time comes. As it is there are signs that she is still interested in you but in the end she must choose, him or you. Don't accept anything less and certainly don't try and share her.
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Old 27th October 2015, 12:07 PM   #28
Sylvia Smith
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Re: Separated and will not talk

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It started out last year. I started to ignore and emotionally hurt my wife. I was getting angry easily. I let myself think she would never leave me and she will always love me. She even said how are you so sure of your self. I put more attention to work and my co-workers. I know I let all our success and accomplishments get to me. This year she started talk to a couple of guys from India and Pakistan though social media. She told them she thought our marriage was over. So they started moving in to comfort her emotions and make it seem I was now the bad person. They keep giving her bad advice. The tell her to stop talking to me and to divorce me. The Indian guy constantly would stay online and talk to her. Now she believes she is in love with him and that God brought him to her life. She has never met any of these people. My wife then tried to give me a chance but was still talking to them and at the first chance she said she want to be separated. She said that they told her to stop all communication with me. When she was giving me a chance she was sending this man money through western union and mailing him expensive cloths. She is having an emotional affair with a person she never met or probably never will. He messages me telling me that I need to divorce her so he can marry her and that I need to die that I don't deserve a wife and daughter. That he love them more than anyone. I did mess up because there was a times when she was calling me to come and I didn't. Now I feel like a blew all the chances I was given. She will not make any contact with me. She says to leave her alone and give her space. I know the mistakes I have made. I do love her. I have been attending a life group and going to church and trying to change my bad habits. She doesn't know because she won't talk to me. I don't know what else to do. She has stop every form of communication even through our daughter. She's change her phone number and emails. We have been married for 8 years and have been together for 15 years.
I don't know what else to do. I don't have any friends or family to talk to.
Reach out to her somehow and have a heartfelt dialogue with her. Tell her how sorry you are for all your past behaviors and want to work on your marriage. Given your history, there is a chance your marriage can be saved. Even consider going to a marriage therapist later. You don't know where she is at this point in time; you are not aware of how she handled it all or how it hardened her and made her feel then. You don't know what internal changes have taken place in her. Please be as patient and as understanding as you can. You need to give this your best shot. Also, there is a child involved here. You want to keep and protect your family. For this, you need to lovingly erase the past and create a beautiful future together. Further, When I was searching on google about your problem, i found a interesting stuff which can somewhat help you Communication In Marriage.
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