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Old 8th November 2014, 06:39 AM   #31
chosen
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Re: Separation

Devitt, Relationships that begin with one or both partners cheating on their spouses rarely last, because there is already one or both deceiving, cheating on and lying to their spouse which is a terrible foundation for any relationship, and both have shown that they have no moral values or integrity . Many will go on to cheat again or to be cheated on. However thats not your problem now, its hers, and she has made her choice it seems.
Its good that you know now, there cant be much worse than being cheated on but now knowing.

Your attitude is very similar to my husbands when his now ex wife of 23 years met another man. He wanted her to be happy and didnt feel any resentment. In her case her and the lover only lasted a year and she has been alone ever since(9-10 years ago now).
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Old 8th November 2014, 10:32 AM   #32
Devitt
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Re: Separation

It's very sad isn't it, I really don't want her to chuck her life away
Today she is going to find somewhere to live, with him, together
Everyday brings a new shock
So I have had nothing has happened, it's only just started and we are moving in together as soon as well can
I should hope it's not been going on long we have not long just got married, and if you have only just started dating and been snatching time what on earth are they doing moving in together
Rhetorical question really, just dumbfounded
However, on the plus side, tear watch, zero tears since getting up, hoping for a dry day
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Old 8th November 2014, 03:07 PM   #33
chosen
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Re: Separation

Its clear that this had been going on for sometime, which makes it worse Cheaters will always lie I am afraid. They are living a lie. You cant be responsible for her future, she had made her decision it seems, and you can only be responsible for yourself now.
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Old 8th November 2014, 04:21 PM   #34
ralfgarnett
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Re: Separation

God bless you Devitt I just read the news, how horrible and seedy it all is, I know you love her but mate you deserve better than this, keep posting keep blogging on here let your thoughts out we will keep replying hen we can don't stop posting we are here mate
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Old 8th November 2014, 11:09 PM   #35
ronnoco
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Re: Separation

Hi Devitt,

Hope you are doing ok today.

Question, do you have any children?
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Old 9th November 2014, 11:10 AM   #36
Devitt
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Re: Separation

Hi Ronnoco, thankful for somebody else's soul no, but from I selfish point of view I wish I did , but I'm sure it's for the best we don't
I'm going to a charity fun raiser today for a friend who is suffering from cancer, puts things into perspective
I've asked her to come with me, I don't want people thinking things are a miss at such event, plus the person gets on well with my wife
I hope it's the right thing, I don't think my misery should be someone else burden on a day like to day
I really hope she comes and doesn't feel to awkward being there
It's going to kill inside but hopefully you all agree it's the right thing to do
Back to work tomorrow as well, I'm expecting that to be a challenge on many levels

Still tears yesterday, but one day at a time, aiming for today to be the first, thinking that unlikely though
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Old 9th November 2014, 02:14 PM   #37
ralfgarnett
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Re: Separation

Your a good brave man Devitt old boy, she must be mad to be losing a real man such as you, yes your correct about perspective, I have been to the war memorial today with me wife and that put it in to perspective for me, I have a particular historical interest in WW1 a futile war that claimed around 10 million lives, and you will have tears don't bottle them let them flow I cried earlier and I probably will cry again later, let the tears wash away your grief just let them flow.
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Old 9th November 2014, 08:47 PM   #38
m eschenbruch
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Re: Separation

Sorry to hear the bad news Devitt, i understand how you must be feeling. Id also reinforce do let yourself cry, don't hold it in. It's a way of grieving for what's lost but if you bottle it up you won't be able to get past and accept the situation. I went to church for the first time willingly last night and really enjoyed it, maybe something to consider? It'll take time to get use to the new normal, don't rush it. Take time for yourself, it'll get better. I still have **** days where i achieve nothing but so what.

Good luck, my thoughts are with you just take it a day at a time and set some small goals for yourself like going out and meeting some new people. And remember trusted friends will always want to help. Put yourself in their situation, if they came to you about their relationship issues would you feel like they were a burden to you?
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Old 10th November 2014, 12:26 AM   #39
ronnoco
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Re: Separation

Hi Devitt,

Hope the run went well. Yes, these situations can be both awkward and terribly painful. I remember going to a ballet show to watch my daughter with her and her family. The show was about 2 hours long and at that particular time I was so just so confused and dumbfounded by it all - it does get better.

You will look back in some years to come and realised it was for the best. Your wife must have emotional disconnected with you some time ago and to be talking of moving in with this new guy? Well, there you go - do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that.

Some time down the line I can just picture you sitting on the couch with a new lady and realising you dodged a bullet. Processing those 5 stages of grief needs to be done and that takes time. Don't rush it.

Getting back to work will really help and follow the advise from the other posters, it's good advice.
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Old 10th November 2014, 01:18 AM   #40
Devitt
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Re: Separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Your a good brave man Devitt old boy, she must be mad to be losing a real man such as you, yes your correct about perspective, I have been to the war memorial today with me wife and that put it in to perspective for me, I have a particular historical interest in WW1 a futile war that claimed around 10 million lives, and you will have tears don't bottle them let them flow I cried earlier and I probably will cry again later, let the tears wash away your grief just let them flow.
Thank you for your support, I don't think I should feel like better or worse person then anyone, my wife is fundamentally a good person and I'm sure his mother loves him and sees him in a different light then I do

As for the war don't get me started that's a different thing for another time and place, when one family falls out and murders half of Europe we all have a problem

No war is ever good, my own family took up arms for independence which they half got, then turned on each other and for one hundred years it's ripped a country apart

I'm blessed, I was removed from that but my reflection is war is about power and control never about freedom or the benefit of the ordinary man

Anyway sorry, being angry, and I shouldn't be

You people have been amazing, I'm back to work tomorrow

Also I told my wife I needed to tell some people, She. Doesn't want me to, which has made me panic, maybe if I don't she might back track, and if I do it's to late

But I'm going to
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Old 10th November 2014, 01:21 AM   #41
Devitt
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Re: Separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by ronnoco View Post
Hi Devitt,

Hope the run went well. Yes, these situations can be both awkward and terribly painful. I remember going to a ballet show to watch my daughter with her and her family. The show was about 2 hours long and at that particular time I was so just so confused and dumbfounded by it all - it does get better.

You will look back in some years to come and realised it was for the best. Your wife must have emotional disconnected with you some time ago and to be talking of moving in with this new guy? Well, there you go - do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that.

Some time down the line I can just picture you sitting on the couch with a new lady and realising you dodged a bullet. Processing those 5 stages of grief needs to be done and that takes time. Don't rush it.

Getting back to work will really help and follow the advise from the other posters, it's good advice.
Honestly not just talking apparently the weekend after next at the latest
What are the five stages, I really hope I'm at least at stage two otherwise that feels quite long

I really appreciate everyone's words it's a saviour to say the least
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Old 10th November 2014, 01:30 AM   #42
Devitt
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Re: Separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by m eschenbruch View Post
Sorry to hear the bad news Devitt, i understand how you must be feeling. Id also reinforce do let yourself cry, don't hold it in. It's a way of grieving for what's lost but if you bottle it up you won't be able to get past and accept the situation. I went to church for the first time willingly last night and really enjoyed it, maybe something to consider? It'll take time to get use to the new normal, don't rush it. Take time for yourself, it'll get better. I still have **** days where i achieve nothing but so what.

Good luck, my thoughts are with you just take it a day at a time and set some small goals for yourself like going out and meeting some new people. And remember trusted friends will always want to help. Put yourself in their situation, if they came to you about their relationship issues would you feel like they were a burden to you?
Thank you

I'm going too and have set some goals, it's a good idea I like a plan

As for church, i was bought up within a church going family, and well for me that didn't really pan out well

I believe in the spiritual, the guidance and the support but I can't take the structure behind it, seems to me that's about power (only my opinion)

Just me though, I'm a believer in what is right for an individual is right for them

I'm sorry, I sound grumpy tonight, bit stressed:mad
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Old 10th November 2014, 11:19 AM   #43
ralfgarnett
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Re: Separation

Keep talking Devitt, let the thoughts out no matter what they are
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Old 10th November 2014, 11:43 AM   #44
ronnoco
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Re: Separation

You should tell people - it will help.

Well, for a start, what you are doing there is stage 3 of the grieving processing, bargaining....

Here are the stages : -

1.) Shock/Denial
2.) Anger
3.) Bargaining
4.) Depression
5.) Acceptance

At this early stage, you seem to be in the fist 3 stages and you will be there for some time (unfortunately)

There is no quick fix. Let those emotions out. I wrote a journal with all my thoughts and feelings. I would recommend it. Some days I wrote pages and pages about my wife, how she was, how she acted, the things she did, how she changed from the person I once knew.

I really liked your last post, it made a lot of sense to me :-)

Good luck with work.
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Old 10th November 2014, 04:36 PM   #45
chosen
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Re: Separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Devitt View Post
Thank you for your support, I don't think I should feel like better or worse person then anyone, my wife is fundamentally a good person and I'm sure his mother loves him and sees him in a different light then I do

As for the war don't get me started that's a different thing for another time and place, when one family falls out and murders half of Europe we all have a problem

No war is ever good, my own family took up arms for independence which they half got, then turned on each other and for one hundred years it's ripped a country apart

I'm blessed, I was removed from that but my reflection is war is about power and control never about freedom or the benefit of the ordinary man

Anyway sorry, being angry, and I shouldn't be

You people have been amazing, I'm back to work tomorrow

Also I told my wife I needed to tell some people, She. Doesn't want me to, which has made me panic, maybe if I don't she might back track, and if I do it's to late

But I'm going to
She cant expect you not to tell anyone if she is leaving you. Good grief. Family and friends need to know what is happening. I suppose she doesnt want people to know how she is behaving does she, but how can it be hidden?
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