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Old 4th November 2007, 04:03 AM   #1
healed
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Help!

After going through a rough period in my life with a string of tragedy and sickness I had gradually built a wall up but yet did want to eventually meet someone and get married. Well after years of being alone I started a long-distance relationship and we talked daily for hours from Oct. 06 until Feb. 07 several times each day. We had never met in person and I could tell although we were both Christians we came from very different backgrounds and cultures. Because he had a foster child and was a single father to his own son it was a no brainer that when we wanted to meet in person that I would fly to meet him. I felt very safe about this so my teenage son and I flew to meet him over the Valentine’s holiday and stayed for one week. After being there a few days I poured out all of the things I didn't tell him on the phone relating to some lingering health issues I've had for years he reached over and hugged me and asked me to marry him anyway. Being so overwhelmed that he was willing to accept me with my health struggles and my son and his son got along like white and rice I didn't really pay attention to anything else and said yes.

We married in May 07; I am now feeling the effects of my haste. The differences that I didn't think were going to be problems are now presenting themselves in a way like I never imagined. All I want is to be a good wife but my husband has been hurt before by past relationships so many times he misinterprets my actions and intentions. I also have an unfair advantage over him because I understand the oneness of marriage and he has no clue which makes it very difficult. My husband is moving to where I live in a few months to end the commute and I just want it to work I don't want to go through a failed marriage. Please pray for us, I believe we jumped into this to quickly but the thing is now I am in so I want this to work. Any comments besides, "how could you be so stupid," would be appreciated.
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Old 4th November 2007, 03:11 PM   #2
Kate
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Posts: 1,115
Re: Help!

Dear Healed

There are bound to be challenges when marrying for the second time around and blending two families together. Differences can be turned to positives if you are able to recognise those differences, accept them and appreciate them, but that does take time and effort. My husband likes to start new projects but gets bored when they are no longer challenging, whereas I am very wary of starting something new, but like to see soemthing through to the end even if I have to plod along. He sees the big picture whereas I think the details are imortant. It used to cause real disagreements and tensions between us. Now we try to appreciate what the other is good at and recognise how our different priorities can irritate.

I hope it will be easier for you to talk things through when you can spend more time together without the commuting.

Why not have a look at the resources about second marriages. Another thing to consider is some marriage enrichment which can help you get to know and appreciate each other better. If you are not in the UK, many of the programmes are available in USA and other countries.

Hope the move goes well

Kate
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Old 5th November 2007, 01:35 AM   #3
healed
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Re: Help!

Thank you Kate for your words of encouragement and the links you gave me. I know I will have to apply some principles of the word of God in order to make it.

Thanks again.

Healed
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