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Old 20th September 2015, 01:46 PM   #31
chosen
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Allah is the name for god in Malta, it is a legacy of our Arabic past, we are Roman Catholic but with many Arabic words in our language and place names, when I hear Arabic spoken on TV I can often understand a lot of what is being said although the dialect often obscures it, the former capital of Malta before Birgu and now Il-Belt Valletta was Mdina and it's suburb is Rabat, in our language and place names we have plenty of letter X Y J Z Q, my village is of Italian origin, but some famous places in Malta are Zebbug, Zejtun, Mqabba, Msida, Marsaxlokk, Marasascala, Mgarr, Mtarfa, Qrendi, I could go on but I think you get my drift, the following is a very popular prayer said at every mass and it is the Hail Mary in Maltese I have highlighted god's name, we love our own village saint and mine is San Nikola, but we love Santa Marija and also our nation saint San Pawl who was shipwrecked in Malta on his way to Rome and brought Christianity to our beautiful Islands

Sliem ghalik Marija, bil-grazzja mimlija,
is-Sinjur mieghek,
imbierka inti fost in-nisa
u mbierek il-frott tal-guf tieghek, Gesu.
Qaddisa Marija, omm Allah,
itlob ghalina, midinbin,
issa w fis-siegha tal-mewt taghna. Amen.
As you know ralf I dont believe in praying to dead people, they cant hear you anyway. but thats the legacy of the RC church.
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Old 20th September 2015, 01:50 PM   #32
msjlhunter
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

What's the RC church?

Where i come from religion isn't a big thing at all.. You can take it or leave it.

You know this weekend at home has just been how things used to be. It is kind of giving me second thoughts about leaving him.... I really, really do want to leave him but what if it's a big mistake and things aren't greener on the other side. I have reserved my new place to move in on Wednesday, my friend has already transferred the money into my bank for what i need to move in with but why do i now have these doubts in my mind?!?!?!
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Old 20th September 2015, 04:11 PM   #33
ralfgarnett
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

Hi MSJ, R-C = Roman Catholic, which was the predominant religion in England pre-1534 when the ghastly King Henry V111 ( a born and raised Roman Catholic) decided to manufacture / invent the Church of England to suit his own lustful urges when he wanted to divorce one of his many poor long suffering wives, to summarise Roman Catholicism was here well before the Church of England / Anglican usurpers that jumped on his chauvinistic self orientated self satisfying band wagon in order to mould their own religion for their own needs, basically he spat his dummy and invented his own version of religion so that he could have sex with other women, and also remember that there are no saints in the Anglican church and not one protestant, COE, Anglican church here is named after any saints not even St Paul's cathedral in Londiniom, neither do the home nations have any patron saints, so St George, St David, St Andrew don't represent England, Wales, or Scotland respectively, just as St Patrick or St Paul aren't the patron saints of Ireland or Malta, you can read more about the farcical C-O-E here and it's invention/manufacture/ indoctrination http://www.religionfacts.com/anglicanism/history, well I am doing that today myself I am now going to open the church of Ralf, I am going to write my own version of the bible and publish it on-line in order to suit my own personal needs and to get what I want, ie, free meat pies, free real ale, free sausages, free black pudding, free kippers, free turnips, free sex, and free anything that doesn't include seeking the permission of the established Anglican or Roman Catholic church here in the UK, anyone want to join me ?.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 20th September 2015 at 04:55 PM.
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Old 20th September 2015, 05:31 PM   #34
Raymond
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

I was partly brought up in the Catholic church in two different convents and always had to go to the Catholic Church service. When I was sixteen I had enough of it and the only thing which drew me to it was a false guilt.

I have since found out by God's grace that it not about religion but about a person and a relationship with Him. I have also found out that religion can be the enemy of God.

If you come from somewhere msj where religion is not a big thing that is no barrier to coming to Christ. In some ways it is an advantage.

You appear to be having second thoughts about leaving so we have to leave you to make up your own mind about what you want to do. I just hope you don't live to regret it as as far as I can see there has been no definite change in him apart from what you are actually feeling just now. As Chosen intimated life is in Christ and when you come to Him you will know the truth and the truth will make you free.
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Old 20th September 2015, 05:48 PM   #35
Lindentree1
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by msjlhunter View Post
What's the RC church?

Where i come from religion isn't a big thing at all.. You can take it or leave it.

You know this weekend at home has just been how things used to be. It is kind of giving me second thoughts about leaving him.... I really, really do want to leave him but what if it's a big mistake and things aren't greener on the other side. I have reserved my new place to move in on Wednesday, my friend has already transferred the money into my bank for what i need to move in with but why do i now have these doubts in my mind?!?!?!
I think it's fear of the unknown, and totally normal. You have help and a place to stay, though, and I would take advantage of that. Just because he didn't threaten you one weekend don't mean he won't threaten or demean you again. I think you know he will. He may even use physical violence against you again. Then what?

You are still young and you can create a whole new life--it's right in front of you. You just have to take that step forward. You say you really want to leave him. Follow your instincts.

I know you were asking about forgiveness earlier. You will come a long way if you learn to forgive yourself for whatever it was you were talking about. Forgiving yourself can be an important step in healing. No one is perfect, but we hopefully learn as we grow and learn to make better choices for ourselves. But you have to feel you are worthy of making better choices.

Abuse (whether verbal or physical) is extremely damaging to one's self-image. You may not have a lot of confidence in yourself right now. That confidence will come when you are not around someone who constantly tears you down. You deserve better, in my opinion.

It's your decision. Please take care of yourself and keep posting here. You have support here.

Last edited by Lindentree1; 20th September 2015 at 06:29 PM.
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Old 20th September 2015, 09:40 PM   #36
chosen
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Hi MSJ, R-C = Roman Catholic, which was the predominant religion in England pre-1534 when the ghastly King Henry V111 ( a born and raised Roman Catholic) decided to manufacture / invent the Church of England to suit his own lustful urges when he wanted to divorce one of his many poor long suffering wives, to summarise Roman Catholicism was here well before the Church of England / Anglican usurpers that jumped on his chauvinistic self orientated self satisfying band wagon in order to mould their own religion for their own needs, basically he spat his dummy and invented his own version of religion so that he could have sex with other women, and also remember that there are no saints in the Anglican church and not one protestant, COE, Anglican church here is named after any saints not even St Paul's cathedral in Londiniom, neither do the home nations have any patron saints, so St George, St David, St Andrew don't represent England, Wales, or Scotland respectively, just as St Patrick or St Paul aren't the patron saints of Ireland or Malta, you can read more about the farcical C-O-E here and it's invention/manufacture/ indoctrination http://www.religionfacts.com/anglicanism/history, well I am doing that today myself I am now going to open the church of Ralf, I am going to write my own version of the bible and publish it on-line in order to suit my own personal needs and to get what I want, ie, free meat pies, free real ale, free sausages, free black pudding, free kippers, free turnips, free sex, and free anything that doesn't include seeking the permission of the established Anglican or Roman Catholic church here in the UK, anyone want to join me ?.
No thanks I will stick to God word in the Bible. Much better way of life.
Thank God that God did use Henrys mistakes to enable people to get out of that church. My pastor was bought up to go to a RC school and go to their church, he tells awful stories of what happened and of his relief to get out and find God. The RC church is full of man made traditions and beliefs that are entirely unbiblical, such as praying to and idolising Mary, and praying to other dead people which we are strongly warned not to do.

BTW hundreds of Anglican churches are named after saints, but why do they need to be anyway?

Last edited by chosen; 20th September 2015 at 09:51 PM.
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Old 20th September 2015, 09:48 PM   #37
chosen
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by msjlhunter View Post
What's the RC church?

Where i come from religion isn't a big thing at all.. You can take it or leave it.

You know this weekend at home has just been how things used to be. It is kind of giving me second thoughts about leaving him.... I really, really do want to leave him but what if it's a big mistake and things aren't greener on the other side. I have reserved my new place to move in on Wednesday, my friend has already transferred the money into my bank for what i need to move in with but why do i now have these doubts in my mind?!?!?!
Its not a big thing in the UK either, only a very small number are true Christians who follow God and try and live His way. Doesnt mean its not true or real though, it is.

Well leaving is scary isnt it, and some women will put up with awful things because of their fear of change and/or of being alone. I dont understand it myself. I would far far rather be alone than in an abusive relationship. You know from experience that it wont last dont you.
It sounds as if you have a good friend there who is helping you out.
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Old 21st September 2015, 09:11 AM   #38
ralfgarnett
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

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Originally Posted by chosen View Post
No thanks I will stick to God word in the Bible. Much better way of life.
Thank God that God did use Henrys mistakes to enable people to get out of that church. My pastor was bought up to go to a RC school and go to their church, he tells awful stories of what happened and of his relief to get out and find God. The RC church is full of man made traditions and beliefs that are entirely unbiblical, such as praying to and idolising Mary, and praying to other dead people which we are strongly warned not to do.

BTW hundreds of Anglican churches are named after saints, but why do they need to be anyway?
Well I love St Mary and we will always pray to her as well as god, even though my faith has been challenged recently I am still proud of my religion my parents gave it to me, and our faith helped us through the blitz in WW2 when our Islands were almost at the point of starvation, don't forget that the people of Malta were awarded the George Cross for extreme bravery and it sits on our national flag to this day we are Malta The George Cross Island, we believe it was our faith and prayers to Alla and Santa Marija that helped us to survive and we were saved by the Santa Marija convoy that so bravely reached Grand Harbour Valletta with important supplies including fuel for the RAF spitfires and hurricanes to fight the Luftwaffe and our so called cousins in the Regia Aeronautica, and if your referring to unfortunate incidents within the R-C church then I would bet good money that the COE is not exactly sin free either, just goes to prove that there is no such thing as perfection in any religion.
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Old 21st September 2015, 09:54 AM   #39
chosen
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Well I love St Mary and we will always pray to her as well as god, even though my faith has been challenged recently I am still proud of my religion my parents gave it to me, and our faith helped us through the blitz in WW2 when our Islands were almost at the point of starvation, don't forget that the people of Malta were awarded the George Cross for extreme bravery and it sits on our national flag to this day we are Malta The George Cross Island, we believe it was our faith and prayers to Alla and Santa Marija that helped us to survive and we were saved by the Santa Marija convoy that so bravely reached Grand Harbour Valletta with important supplies including fuel for the RAF spitfires and hurricanes to fight the Luftwaffe and our so called cousins in the Regia Aeronautica, and if your referring to unfortunate incidents within the R-C church then I would bet good money that the COE is not exactly sin free either, just goes to prove that there is no such thing as perfection in any religion.
Ralf I dont belong to any denomination but I go to churches that stick most accurately to the Bible. Praying/talking to anyone who has died is strongly warned against. We can go directly to God through Jesus anyway, we dont need other go betweens, especially when they cant hear anyway, they are dead.
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Old 21st September 2015, 02:59 PM   #40
ralfgarnett
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

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Originally Posted by msjlhunter View Post
What's the RC church?

Where i come from religion isn't a big thing at all.. You can take it or leave it.

You know this weekend at home has just been how things used to be. It is kind of giving me second thoughts about leaving him.... I really, really do want to leave him but what if it's a big mistake and things aren't greener on the other side. I have reserved my new place to move in on Wednesday, my friend has already transferred the money into my bank for what i need to move in with but why do i now have these doubts in my mind?!?!?!
Hi MSJ, I am no expert on these things but I have heard it said that people in abusive relationships are also subject to control, as Raymond will tell you I don't understand the control thing he understands it and can explain it far better than me, but I expect that part of your having 2nd thoughts may be down to your husband possibly having a hold over you, for example has he ever said anything such as "you wont survive without me" or maybe "nobody will ever love you as much as me" that kind of thing, if so then perhaps your confidence has been badly affected by the horrible abuse he has inflicted on you, also I presume you were happy once and maybe you long for the happy times and part of you is clinging on to those memories hence you having doubts, regardless of the reason I think your feelings are all perfectly normal, whatever you decide I wish you all the luck in the world.
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Old 21st September 2015, 08:43 PM   #41
Raymond
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

I kind of agree with that. Sometimes people have a chance to go free but can't. I heard a story of a chicken tied to a pole for ages. When the rope was eventually cut it just stayed near the pole. Freedom was more traumatic than staying near the pole. Freedom can mean new responsibilities so it does take a lot of thought about whether one really wants to be free or not as the element of fear of the future or fear about the consequences of freedom can play their part.

Not to say that is you MSJ but I throw it out as food for thought.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 04:35 AM   #42
melly997
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

Hi MSJ, I don't care how much your husband says sorry or that he'll change or that you don't feel scared - it's time TO GO. All too often we hear horrible stories of spousal abuse that escalates to permanent injury/disability or even death. YOU are fully aware of the bad situation & marriage you are in & as much as I believe in fighting to keep a marriage together I detest domestic violence - & that is what you are suffering be it physical or emotional. There is no way you can justify it or sugar coat it it's abuse & no one deserves to suffer that. And because you think fighting back makes you safe - it doesn't.
Your policemen friend could probably tell you of such stories so I'm disappointed that he/she isn't personally taking it a little more seriously to help you out.
My dad was am a***hole to my mum when drunk & one night I saw him break her nose, not something an 8 yo ever forgets, so I know things can escalate. It took my mum leaving my dad 7 years later before he got help.
Do not waiver from your plan to leave because a) it's in your best interest b) it's for your safety c) you deserve to be happy d) it may be the catalyst for him to get help (but ultimately this is not your concern).
I wish you well.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 09:51 AM   #43
ralfgarnett
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

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Hi MSJ, I don't care how much your husband says sorry or that he'll change or that you don't feel scared - it's time TO GO. All too often we hear horrible stories of spousal abuse that escalates to permanent injury/disability or even death. YOU are fully aware of the bad situation & marriage you are in & as much as I believe in fighting to keep a marriage together I detest domestic violence - & that is what you are suffering be it physical or emotional. There is no way you can justify it or sugar coat it it's abuse & no one deserves to suffer that. And because you think fighting back makes you safe - it doesn't.
Your policemen friend could probably tell you of such stories so I'm disappointed that he/she isn't personally taking it a little more seriously to help you out.
My dad was am a***hole to my mum when drunk & one night I saw him break her nose, not something an 8 yo ever forgets, so I know things can escalate. It took my mum leaving my dad 7 years later before he got help.
Do not waiver from your plan to leave because a) it's in your best interest b) it's for your safety c) you deserve to be happy d) it may be the catalyst for him to get help (but ultimately this is not your concern).
I wish you well.
Hi Melly I agree with almost all you have said here, I also would never encourage anyone to walk away from a marriage without giving it a go, but the abuse is the deal breaker here and I agree MSJ should get as far away from that beast as quickly as possible, people such as him make me feel physically sick, he has probably destroyed her confidence and self esteem and the chances of her ever trusting another man are probably very slim indeed which means that even though she could in future meet a decent honest man such as NDY or me she would probably want nothing to do with them .
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Old 13th November 2015, 10:51 AM   #44
Raymond
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Re: Courage to leave my 11 year marriage

It must be very hard to hear words like that when you have tried so hard. You musn't take it to heart or let those lies affect you. Don't let those lies become a curse on your life. A crumpled bashed about dirtied 5 note is still worth 5. I wouldn't listen to any more of it. Chosen is right.
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