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Old 4th August 2010, 11:46 AM   #1
Wiggle
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Impact of divorce on children

Just came across this and thought it might be of interest. Those who think that the children would be happier if unhappy parents were divorced might want to re-think that (obviously, violence and abuse are never acceptable)

From the UK Longitudinal analysis of the Offending, Crime and
Justice Survey 200306 http://rds.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs09/horr19c.pdf

  • "Living in a family headed by a single parent reduced the likelihood of a non-offending or drug-free trajectory. Living with a parent with a new partner reduced this likelihood even further."
  • "Both liberal and authoritarian styles of parenting were associated with an increased likelihood of a non-offending or drug-free trajectory among young people, suggesting the key factor was probably consistency of parental influence"
Hmmmm...so, if the Government were to invest in marriage, they'd potentially reduce crime rates and all the costs involved with crime.
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Old 4th August 2010, 06:28 PM   #2
Dave
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

Good find Wiggle. Many of the linkages between family breakdown and risky behaviour (incl drugs, and crime) were explored in Breakdown Britain, but this is a more recent study confirming the links.

Dave
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Old 12th August 2010, 10:46 PM   #3
rppearso
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

I guess it depends on why the parent or parents are unhappy. This is generally from money, kids and sex. Since we are talking about the impact on kids then the kids are already there so that leaves sex and money. If she is being a prude then she could take the kids downstairs and play with them while daddy is serviced by a prostitute. If she is blowing money then he needs to cut her off, unless she is taking good care of him in bed and it would be more expensvie to hire the sex. If she is blowing money and a prude then he needs to cut her off and use that money to hire the sex and she can play with the kids.

The bottom line is how would you accomplish keeping marriages together through legal means with out turning the parents in to monsters.
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Old 8th November 2010, 01:12 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

Wiggle I am assuming that many kids in this survey were from families where there is no dad at all, ie single mums on their own. Families where there has been divorce, often still have 2 committed parents who both love and do the best for their kids. Nearly all of the families that I know where there has been divorce, still have both parents totally committed to the children. Families where there has never been a dad, or where one parent was abusive or
angry or drunk or whatever can often be happier with one parent.

I believe that some kids are better off with one parent, depending on the marriage and why it ended. My parents never divorced, but my dad had affairs, the last one lasting many years. That isnt good for kids to be around. He wasnt an easy man to live with, and I often wished he wasnt there.I was happier when he wasnt there in my teens.

My husbands parents more or less lived seperate lives in the same house all through his child hood, and all he remembers is their bickering and his mum putting all of her emotional needs on him instead of her husband. He too may well have been better off in a peaceful atmosphere with one parent.

I am all for marriage and for govt support for marriage, but in some cases the children are actually better off with one good parent. The ideal is 2 good parents who love each other of course, but that isnt always real life.
I do think though that some do divorce for no good reason ie because they have 'gown apart' or fallen 'out of love' or one has met someone else,and that isnt good reason to end the marriage, and the children will suffer.
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Old 8th November 2010, 01:18 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetums View Post
I am from a broken marriage and I have to say that lifes givings are a choice we take on our own. We choose to go down the right way or the bad.
You are so right. We all have a choice to go one way or the other. My mum had a really bad childhood. Her dad died when she was 2, her mum had no money and couldnt cope with 5 children, and mum spent most of her childhood in a strict unloving orphanage. despite this,she was one of the nicest sweetest ladies I have ever known, and was a brilliant mum and grandmum.Too many people these days act badly,and then blame everything on their parents.
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Old 8th November 2010, 05:07 PM   #6
Raymond
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

I don't think it is so cut and dried as that. Having rejection in ones childhood does affect behaviour although it doesn't excuse it. There is a balance somewhere. Lack of nurture can have a negative affect. When I used to visit youth prison almost 100% had no good relationship with a father. That was just an observation.
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Old 8th November 2010, 05:22 PM   #7
chosen
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

yes and so many kids today have no dad around at all. Many dont even know who their dad is. I wonder if a bad dad is better then no dad? Maybe it depends on what the dad is like and how bad he is.
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Old 9th November 2010, 08:19 AM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

I don't think an evil dad is better than no dad but as you indicate there are degrees.
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Old 8th December 2010, 10:00 AM   #9
chosen
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

Quote:
Originally Posted by miggy View Post
Children might think of suicide and exposed to early sexual activity because of guilt. I guess parents should think of this thing before they plan to get divorced.
However, children who have one or more bad or abusive parents, or parents who fight all the time, also suffer greatly(sometimes more).
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Old 8th December 2010, 11:38 AM   #10
Dave
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

One of the interesting findings from all the research in this area is that it's the kids of "low conflict" separation/divorce that suffer most.

Clearly when parents are violent and abusive to each other (and the kids) there is a net benefit to the kids of reducing the conflict, either by education, or by a change in the situation (eg separation).

However, when there is little or no high level conflict and the parents just "fall out of love" - this is what really blows kids minds, and does the lasting damage.

Dave
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Old 8th December 2010, 11:44 AM   #11
chosen
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

dave
yes I can understand that totally, because they werent aware that anything was wrong.
Being seperated from an abusive parent may be a big relief, while still being painful.

When I thought my parents were going to seperate I was very upset, and while they didnt in the end, I did find out a bit later that he was having a long term affair, so in many ways I wish they had divorced.
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Old 14th February 2011, 11:43 AM   #12
Kimberley1967
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

My parents split when I was 11. My Mum brought me up on my own and I was always on my own. My Mum walked behind a bar and was there from 7 to 11.30 each nite I only had a tv for company as we had moved from Yorkshire to Devon. My Mum was brought up by her Nan together with her sister and was never wanted.

My own daughters have mainly been brought up by me and are both lovely girls good mannered and pretty. My eldest is at uni and my youngest about to start 6th form not always been easy but whilst my Mum wasnt the greatest she became a great Nan and would do anything for my two girls. You cant blame the parents for what you become I firmly believe that after say 18 you develop into who you are regardless of the parents and have to take responsibilty for your actions. You cant sit there and say I had a bad upbringing therefore I am like this .....

One good parent is far better than two that argue all the time.
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Old 23rd February 2011, 09:26 AM   #13
getaffe
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

If the parents are in a loveless marriage, I think it hurts kids more than a divorce. This way, children don't even know what a real relationship looks like and what love is.
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Old 29th March 2011, 10:03 PM   #14
paulingey
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Re: Impact of divorce on children

This discussion will rage on. All the stats are a load of rubbish to me, and can be thrown out of the window. My parents split when I was 9yrs old. I lived at home with my mother, and sister. My dad moved in with my grandmother. We would see my dad twice-a-week (Wednesday & Saturday). My sister and I had an identical upbinging, neither parents had much money. My sister, in her teens turned out to cause the family a lot of heartache, with regular visits to the police station. However I have never been brought any sort of trouble to my family. This being an identical upbringing. If a child is going to be a problem, they will be a problem whether the parents are together or not. I know plenty of families who have had problems with children whose parents have been at home, equaly seperated parents who have had no problems at all their children.
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