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Old 29th October 2007, 03:24 PM   #1
Posts: n/a
My Crap Life

My Crap Life

Well where do I begin really I suppose from the beginning?

I was born one of 5 four sisters and a younger brother (My dad always wanted a son after having all girls)

My grandmother was never alive when I was born so my granddad lived with us so with my mother , farther , Granddad and 5 children in a 3 bedroom house life was hard for my family.

We came from the era of no bathroom ( A Steel Tub by The Open Fire To Wash ) , We had a larder , Outside toilet ( No Toilet Paper Just Scraps Of Newspaper ) No TV , Phone , Car Etc just the basics.

Our clothes varied from a life time of hand me downs and we never got anything new.

Our holidays were only to Butlins and I will always remember that the 1st day we arrived my farther would go into the bookmakers and our whole holiday would be based on weather he won or not.

Well as life went on My brother Nigel died of a cot death when he was 8 months old my sister Carol was born with a hole in the heart and twisted verticals and she died at the age of 21 after lots of heart operations, But she experience life to the full drunk, smoked got married had a miscarriage and partied hard.

I will never forget on cold days she would turn blue due to her illness it was so upsetting for us all to see her suffer in this way but god bless her she never complained but after lots more operations she sadly then passed away.

During this period my farther was diagnosed with angina and became very ill as the medical facility were not available in the 60ís but the sad thing I remember is that he was due to go into hospital to have a heart operation on the Monday but he died of a heart attack on the Sunday night before his hospital appointment.

My farther found life hard with the trauma he had and maybe thatís why he picked it out on us kids if we upset him he would hit us with a belt , tennis , racket , shoe anything to hand.

My mother used to get involved and he used to hit her to it was so upsetting but he put it down to the drink and stress of life.

But I will give him credit he gave up the drink when they had one big fight and he gave my mother a black eye when he throws the chair at her.

We were all still quite young at this stage of life so once my farther died at the age of 45 my mother then suffered a nervous breakdown after the cemetery people buried him in the wrong grave this was all to much for her after all the losses she had suffered.

I will never forget the home we all went to while my mother was recovering we all as children were abused by the farmer and his wife details which I really do not want to go into as they are to upsetting for me to recall.

After all this my mother got her life back together and started working all the hours under the sun to keep the family alive so as kids we never really see her that often.

The next few moths became even harder my granddad then died of old age and one of my sister committed suicide as the stress of life was just to much and all the loved ones in her live were dying.

Mum kept a brave face on it all but just kept on going as mothers do.
Then some short lived happiness my sister Kath got married and had to wonderful children but Oh yes this was also short lived as he had a affair and left her to bring up the 2 kids by her self which giving her credit she did.

During her time and the kids becoming older she got remarried to another man who didnít get on to well with her children who I believe this had a major impact on her life and one of the children? She become older one turned to drugs ( Not So Common In The 70ís ) she got so bad the she robbed her mother my sister of all her possessions old jewellery anything she could get hold off but as a good protective mother she would not go to the police.

We believe that it was the crowed she was involved in and lucky enough her boyfriend got caught steeling and was put away for a long time.

As a forgiving mother my sister took her back under her wing.

This also had a great impact on my sisterís life and her new husband had an affair and left her with nothing due to the debits crated so she moved into hospital nurses accommodation as she lost her house.

During this time I also had fell I love and married some one I had met working away but like our familyís luck this was also short lived as she to had a affair which I totally understand as I worked away from home so I would only see her once a month on my days off and as she was out of her environment she was lonely as she came from Devon and we lived in Hertfordshire.

Well you pick yourself up and get on with life or you try to?
In the mean time my mother had also met someone from London who moved in with her but he turned out to be a absolute nut case as my mother had took in a lodger to help her out financially and if he didnít give her the rent on time he would threaten the poor lad with a knife so of cause he didnít stay long.

My other sister Maureen had got involved with my mothers boyfriend cousin but we all spoke to my mother on our concerns with her boyfriend threatening people with a knife and we all didnít feel she was safe with him.

Well she did the right thing she dumped him but one day he came by the house and knocked on the door when Maureen was at home she answered the door he said could he come in to pick up all of his stuff then he would be gone? My sister let him in but said look I need to go to work now can you shut the door behind you he agreed to this.

Well when my mother came home he had sprayed all the walls Slag, Bitch, Prostitute Slapper, C**T Etc she was mortified and asked Maureen why she let him in well she just exploded we all had a go at her and she just flew out of the house and never came back again and went to live with her boyfriend.

Well months went on and I started to live with someone with 2 children who had been cheated on by her husband and took on her to children 8 and 18 months old.
Well years have gone by with my uncle dying of cancer who had taken the place of my dad and my auntie to of Cancer slowly all my dadís family around us were dying.

My mum had again met someone again from London so she left her rented house and moved into London area but this guy was worse than the last it worked out one day my mum had met a paedophile as she caught him masturbating in front of the TV to kids porn she was devastated no house now (She couldnít Live With Him) no where to live so she had to rent privately.

My life continued I had a good job and now had a child with my new girlfriend and she persuaded me to marry her so I did.

We moved into a 4 bed semi and I built it up into a 6 bed house spending all my time and spare cash on this project.

My mother then met another guy whole she moved in with had a good life he was a bit of a Billy liar but harmless.

But the problems began when he retired he was a bootlegger and my mother hated it and the stress of life started to carry on and it showed as one day she went shopping and got some socks from Marks and Spencerís but because her mind was on other things she walked out with out paying for them well the security guard caught up with her and took her into the office and they called the police. Well they cautioned her and took her home but during this time her husband had been bootlegging again and when the police noticed all the goods in the house they called in customs department.

Well they took everything and his car as this had been involved in the crime he was fined and left with 40k credit card debits which again caused my mothers health to go down very quickly.

My mother was diagnosed with a leaking heart valve, arthritis, Spondulosess and Asthma and was now on daily ventilation.

Six months on her husband was diagnosed with cancer and subsequently died within months leaving my mother very ill, in debit and heart broken and had to be moved into sheltered accommodation.

You just think about life and think will it get any better but no it doesnít. My mother took an over dose and tried to kill her self but lucky enough she recovered?

Back to my life

My wife after bringing up her kids one now has a shop selling clothes and one is a pilot the house is finished and she has just had a affair on me the divorce courts have given her 70% of the house and my equity has been left in the house until my daughter is of age and finished full time education so me at 49 my life is totally screwed.

I live alone totally skint sleep on the floor and have a coat on to keep my warm as I can afford the heating costs.

I decided how can I recover from all this so I turned to gambling and god was that a mistake I am now even worse of than I ever was?

All we ever want is to be loved and to be happy?

My sister then went to live with her daughter as they are very close family unit and used to take my mother over for Sunday lunchís well this day a few months ago a hit and run driver crashed into my sisterís car leaving my sister badly cut and my mother with a fractured sturnham and broken ribs. My sister also had her granddaughter in the car who burnt all her face due to friction burns from the accident.

Another driver followed the van that hit my sister and got the registration number and reported it to the policed but of cause the registration number was against a PO Box number so the driver canít be traced.

My mother, sister and her granddaughter had to be cut out of the vehicle and mum was in hospital for 2 months as her breathing was never good with her Asthma.

The granddaughter and my sister now suffer from nightmares for the whole incident.

So where are we all now you may well ask?

1) Me divorced and so much in debit I hardly eat on a day to day basis.

2) My sister living with her daughter debits as she has to buy another car due the driver no insurance.

3) My mother in sheltered accommodation very ill.

4) I never see my daughter any more.

5) Redundancyís at work in January?

We are all looking to pick ourselves up but I am now at my tether I myself have tried to commit suicide but it didnít work my life is worthless and I just do not know what to do any more is there someone out there who can help me please as this is not a life itís an existence.

If a prayer helps please say one for me ?

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Old 29th October 2007, 04:53 PM   #2
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Re: My Crap Life

Sad Si

I do not have a great deal of time right now as I need to be some where, but You have obviously gone through a lot in your life, more than I could possibly understand.

I want you to know that you are loved, I am not sure whether you are a Christian or not, but I know that God has great plans for you: Jer 29.11.

You will not always feel like this, I pray that God reveals himself to you and that you recieve his deep healing love.

Take care
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Old 29th October 2007, 05:04 PM   #3
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Re: My Crap Life

Hi Martin,

Thanks for your responce.

I must admit my faith has been surely dented.

I cry most nights and I am alone I just want nothing special in life just for something to be right.

I know I am not the worse off in life and some people in this world are worse off than myself and I pray to god they all get help and find the happiness we all deserve.

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Old 30th October 2007, 04:45 AM   #4
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Re: My Crap Life

I won't say sorry things did not go well for you. Life can be **** and then you die. If you think each day is crap and negative then for you it probably is that way. As you think, therefore, you are.

I can about match your story. My childhood was pretty rotten. My mother remarried when I was 3. The stepfather did not like kids much and drank too much too often. I can't tolerate those with drinking involved and for myself I never wanted to touch more than a glass of wine or champaigne on a special occasion. So life was really very hard with my struggle to work, raise two kids alone after divorce and go to college for years.
Every dollar I could spare went for schools so I could better myself. I drove clunker cars and lived cheap and kept focused on education. Once I had a nice home and owned a small company and the econemy changed and drove me into debt. I lost my home and car. More years of working two jobs turned things around. Sorry to relate my story but all of us have stories.

Today I own a wealthy paid for home, luxery cars and a boat. I also have a life threatening heart problem. I thank God I had all these bad times in the past as they forged the person I am today. There was an edge to living and challenge to overcome obstacles. Some seem born lucky but some of us have to fight hard. Life has NO guarantee how each will fare. Who said life would be easy? My deeply loved stepbrother, the only family close to me, died suddenly. That was so sad. My favorite animal died from eating threads from my sewing machine. Each day has in it triumph or tragedy.
There is no magic formula for happiness.

Today after all my struggles my sad little heart (that had 6 procedures) defies to be fixed. I went to top clinics. That is not fair. Yet I will take the days as they come and make sure I give closure to any problems day by day. What happens when you lose it all? You begin again as many times as it takes.

You go down to any hospital, shelter or under a bridge and there are human beings in trouble and in pain WORSE than you and WORSE than me. What we do is the very best we can. Sometimes it takes superhuman effort to achieve keeping afloat.

Accidents, illness, death ...we cannot change. We can only mend our psyches and move on. Depression can be your undoing. Get some free or cheap counselling. Thank God you are still young enough and strong enough to find a way to do better. You have your limbs, eyes and body and can wield a broom, screwdriver or whatever to work. Go prove the good stuff you have inside.
I hope things get better for you.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 8th November 2007 at 06:22 AM.
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Old 27th December 2007, 08:56 PM   #5
Alice Alice
Posts: n/a
Re: My Crap Life

change "your crap life" to "a cat with 9 lives"
stay strong hang in there you can make it you have made it this far
your life sounds a bit like mine to some degree
go for a walk in the nature look at trees the sky the animals ie birds
your story tells me your strong... the life in you won't give up if you remind your self love lives in your heart
things can only get better
enjoy the simple things in your life grab on to that and you will start a snowball of happyness
love and peace be with you
thanks for sharing
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Old 1st January 2008, 03:49 AM   #6
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 15
Re: My Crap Life

Have you seen the movie the secret? I highly recommend it. It may turn your life around. Or at least your perspective on the worth of your life!

judstew is offline   Reply With Quote

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