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Old 5th December 2006, 05:11 PM   #1
nycatalina
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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About to announce my engagement, my "friend" suprises us with hers

Well, this friend of mine, I'll call her Jen, has known for 6 months that we are getting engaged. All my boyfriend and I are waiting for is the ring, which we had made and will arrive before xmas. Jen knows that this is the most exciting and important thing I've been waiting to announce in my life.

She called me yesterday to tell me that she is getting married today, to some guy she's been dating for 2 months. We have a very large group of friends that will all be at a xmas party this month, and that is where I was planning to announce to everyone.

I know it's immature of me, but I can't shake this feeling that she is completely slide tackling in and stealing my thunder. Especially with a marriage that many people will question. Mine is not questionable and I don't want to be lumped in with hers. So now this party will be abuzz about her recent marriage, and I feel I should wait now to announce my engagement.
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Old 5th December 2006, 09:29 PM   #2
Helen
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Re: About to announce my engagement, my "friend" suprises us with hers

NYCatalina,

What a cow!

I think you are right - about the slide tackling and about waiting. Some women just can't bear the thought of a girlfriend marrying before they do. Or even getting engaged. It is all so immature and silly. You do not want to sully your nuptials with the stigma that will no doubt be attached to your girlfriend's when her ill-advised marriage goes belly up. So I would wait if I were you BUT ultimately, it really is up to you and your boyfriend to decide if this is what you want. You do have the option of going ahead but if you do, make sure the proposal is as romantic as possible - anything to highlight the fact that the two of you have actually given this some thought and are not Pam and Tommy getting married on the beach, barefooted, and wearing a shirt and bikini bottoms (in Pammy's case) after a couple of days. After all, we all know how long THAT 'romance' lasted...

If I were you I would be livid though. Honestly. This is supposed to be your friend. This is supposed to be YOUR time. How could she do this? Why couldn't she wait? She has known this man 8 weeks. 8. What was her rush to get down the aisle with him? Yes, she definitely wanted to upstage you. I, frankly, would be AMAZED if it lasts.

Let her get married. And (if I were you) save the announcement of your engagement or go all out to upstage her but in a tasteful, unhurried, thought about it and know what I am doing kind of way. If you wait I know it will be hard because both you and your boyfriend have wanted this for a long time. You have saved for a special ring and you have waited for it to be made. That tells me how special this is. This being the case, maybe you can wait a little while. But it is up to you to decide if you will.

Take care,


Helen

PS: 'Jen' is not your friend...
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Old 5th December 2006, 10:03 PM   #3
nycatalina
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: About to announce my engagement, my "friend" suprises us with hers

Thanks Helen. I thought it wasn't that nice of her. Just to clarify though, they have known each other for abut 1-2 years, but he was her other friend's love object, now he is hers. That's why I call him "some guy" because that's what he has been to her for all this time until their sudden union.

It all leaves a bad taste, especially since she knows how special this is to me. She usually is only thinking of herself, but you could say the same of me right now too I guess.

The bottom line is that it feels sad that someone I thought was a friend would behave this way. Now I'll need to figure out how to tell her this.
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Old 6th December 2006, 01:58 PM   #4
Helen
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Re: About to announce my engagement, my "friend" suprises us with hers

I would just tell her. She will probably be upset but that really isn't your problem. This girl has known about your plans for 6 months yet she still felt the need to pip you at the posts, as it were. I would just say you do not understand why she needs to get married now and why she had to announce it now. She could have waited a month or two, until your announcement was out of the way She knows how special this was for you. Maybe she didn't want people to think she was copying you (who knows) but she also had to know that doing this would hurt you and, in some ways, diminish your own announcement. Then I would ask her outright if this was what she wanted to do?

She may say no, she may say she hadn't thought about it (though is she has known about your plans for 6 months, I would doubt that!). I honestly would not worry about her being upset about it. She has already proven she isn't really your friend. A true friend would go out of her way to ensure nothing happened to diminish/upstage your announcement. In fact, most good friends would offer to help out with arrangements for the announcement. And she hasn't done either of these things...


Helen
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