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Old 21st May 2013, 01:21 PM   #46
13579
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

She says she misses my friendship and has her mind set right now.

Gets annoyed when i talk about things and we cant be normal around each other just now. Says the more i talk about it shes starting to resent me for it. Allot of things dont make sense.

Ill have to stop texting her and leave her to it for now. I miss them very much and its hard doing day to day things without thinking about it.
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Old 21st May 2013, 04:27 PM   #47
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

Also she cant bring herself to come anywhere near our house. Says shes not ready.

What do these things say? Thats shes made her mind up and thats it. Or she doesnt know herself?
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Old 21st May 2013, 07:06 PM   #48
chosen
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

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Originally Posted by 13579 View Post
Also she cant bring herself to come anywhere near our house. Says shes not ready.

What do these things say? Thats shes made her mind up and thats it. Or she doesnt know herself?
Its hard to say, you know her far better than we do. Why not sit down and ask her these questions. You really need to know where you are and what her plans are for the future.
Where does she live? Can she provide for herself if she divorces you?
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Old 21st May 2013, 11:14 PM   #49
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

Shes living in her uncles other house. An old antie stays there with her. Not sure if she is paying or not. She cant be right now because she has no money. Unless she sells the engagment ring i bought here 2500. I doubt she would do that tho. But i thought i knew her i thought this would never happen. And its happened. She could get a council house and with having tue little one and her job still be able to survive yes im sure. Her mother watches the wee guy when shes at work two days then my mother or my sister the other day. She only works three days a week.

Whenever i talk about things it stresses her out. Says shes starting to resent me for it.

I wasnt going to come back onto the site but im either not understanding what shes telling me or im not getting the right answers?

I am doing the right thing trying to save a marrage amnt i?

Tinight was better im still hurting but im trying to keep it deep down and not show it now. Just trying to be normal with her. If she can see the true me that she fell in love with and block out the bad things then maybe she will change her mind. I cant see that she will tho. .

Id love to ask her to come to some kind of couciling even as a seperated couple to see what the faults really were or to see if itll help with whats in uer head but i dont think she would agree to it.

Im in touch with her other mate that she is going to visit this weekend and is also a mate of mine just maybe not as close . She tells me to try accept it and she thinks her minds made up but cant say for sure cos she hasnt seen her and stuff. Dont know what to thjnk right now.

Just cant understand why she cant try to save this. Its killing me that i cant try to fix it and im also missing out on my sons life. Even tho she says im not and not to be bringing him into it.
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Old 22nd May 2013, 10:33 AM   #50
chosen
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

Well of course you need to bring him into it. You will miss out on being a full time dad and he will miss out on not having you there all the time.
Maybe if she doesnt come back, you can push for shared custody.

Why not suggest counselling? It cant do any harm.

I am not sure if she will get a council house, because she will have made herself intentionally homeless. She has 2 options, of either going back to you and living in this other house, so she isn't homelesss.
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Old 22nd May 2013, 10:48 AM   #51
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

I work full time tho. She will get a council house tho wont she? I dont see why not? Yeah she left but she can still go on the list and having the wee guy would help? Maybe different in scotland?

I know i have to bring him into it but she makes me feel bad about mentioning him. I miss him so much. I sleel with his teddy. I still go up and bath him and she stays away from me mostly but yesterday i tried to be fine and have a laugh. Its hard knowing whats going on tho

Ive asked about counciling but says she cant. Keeps saying its too little too late but i cant see why. Its never too late i say to her. Maybe it would help me if i went myself?
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Old 22nd May 2013, 01:08 PM   #52
Raymond
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

She doesn't seem to be fighting for her marriage at all even when you assure her you will not control and that you will be there for her.

There seems to be a secret somewhere. Maybe something to do with these friends?

I agree with Chosen in that you will only be enabling her behaviour by still looking after her when she has left you. She needs to feel the consequences of having her way I think so long as it does not affect your child.
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Old 22nd May 2013, 01:33 PM   #53
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

It seems like theres something i dont know but again im not sure.

Shes not willing to try anything or let me talk about things.

I feel that counciling would be a good idea but again shes said no to it before so thats out the window for now.

Her mate just split up with her husband due to one him wanting kids and her not. But they still live in the same house and are still friends.

I dont belive she is a true friend to her but nothing i say will make any differnce to that. Since being friendly with this friend my wife has started smoking again.. heavy. And it seems like she doesnt care about that any more . Thats not her she hated smoking after giving up last time.

I dont want her to to suffor for anything i dont want her to feel bad atall but shes doing all this to me.

How can she say my son is not missing out on anything when he sees his daddy a half hour a day if even.

I feel i might be better off without her now as she has done this but i still need to try to fix our marrage and our family. I took vows to that effect and i will carry on untill i know for sure. Its like she doesnt know tho.

As i say im in touch with another of her friends and she says she doesnt think she will come back or try again but cant say for sure untill she sees her.

What can i do? I feel i cant give up if i do im scared whatll happen to me.
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Old 22nd May 2013, 01:36 PM   #54
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

Im waiting to see if she has changed her bank account for her wages ect also. If so thats my sure sign that its over.

Its a joint morgage tho so can she do that? Also theres everything else council tax car insurance ect.

If she does change her wages can i ask for money for the morgage. Not that ill struggle i can keep the house going myself but thats not the point.
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Old 22nd May 2013, 03:48 PM   #55
chosen
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

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Im waiting to see if she has changed her bank account for her wages ect also. If so thats my sure sign that its over.

Its a joint morgage tho so can she do that? Also theres everything else council tax car insurance ect.

If she does change her wages can i ask for money for the morgage. Not that ill struggle i can keep the house going myself but thats not the point.
I think you need to go and see a solicitor and ask all these questons. Talk to the bank about the mortgage. She may well want you to sell the house at some point.
You can try and get custody of your son every weekend. Friday night to Sunday night maybe? Better than going over every day which will not be a good idea of she says it is over.
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Old 22nd May 2013, 04:26 PM   #56
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

Ive hardly missed a bath night in my sons whole life i can count on one hand how many ive missed so im not gona start now.

Na im not interested in solicitors and the likes. Were havent fell out that far. We will always be a part of each other lives no matter what. Shes always said that and we both agree we wont stop each other from seeing the little man.He loves me loads and i couldnt handle not seeing him all week.

The house ive already said im keeping it as i need a place for our son to come. And shes fine with that. If we did sell it we would have to give most of it back to my mother and she knows that so theres no point in selling.

Im not giving up hope. Nothings set in stone. Shes angry and hurt about whats gone on and i cant blame her im the same myself. Hurt that she couldnt talk to me. That she bottled it up blocking it out untill this happened. And im also i wouldnt say angry as such just annoyed she can do this to me and my little boy. As i swy nothings set in stone yet and shes ok with seeing just things are a bit weird around each other right now.

Shes the only woman ive ever loved and i wont love anyone as much as i love her. Even after all this.

She says she doesnt know if sye will ever love anyone as much as she loved me also.

Hence why all this puzzles me. Why not try to see how we get on. This could be fixed. But as said time is a healer hopfully.
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Old 22nd May 2013, 05:45 PM   #57
Dave
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

Have you thought about these folks - http://www.retrouvaille.org.uk/??

Dave
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Old 22nd May 2013, 06:34 PM   #58
chosen
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

Well just see what happens At some point, if she doesn't change her mind, you will need to agree to a more formal and final ending of the marriage, but until she starts talking about divorce then hang on in there and see what happens.
If she does want to make it final at some point, you will need to see a solicitor and make the child care more formal and definite. I am afraid thats what happens when a marriage ends, the child will be affected, and things will change, otherwise neither of you will ever be able to move on and live seperate lives.
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Old 22nd May 2013, 07:40 PM   #59
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

I think it might be worth investigating what these friends are up to. It's as if they have been feeding her something. It is possible it might be something sexual. That is possibly something that might explain the complete cut off. Just a thought. Not saying it is but there is something cooking in the background I think.
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Old 23rd May 2013, 12:03 AM   #60
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Re: marrage and myself are broken

Yeah ive been told that already raymond. This trip shes goi g on next month she prob wants freedom for that i think and its killing me. How can she just cut me off like this without trying anything.

Theres no way of me finding out tho i dont know one of them really and the other one im not overly sure she is telli g me what she knows but i cant blame her for that tbh.

One day she will have to tell me son why she gave up and she cant lie because ill still be there to defend myself. Ive manned up and am doing everything i should be. Havent gone mad. Havent hit the bottle. Am still going to work every day still see my son which is great just not enough. Hes staying with me tomorrow night untill sunday affa tho delighted. Gona have lots of fun.

Defo seems lime something else is going on but again i cant say that for sure because she wont speak to me about it. She clams up and gets annoyed. Not the woman i married at all right now.

All i can do is keep trying to act normal around her and see what happens. No way am i giving up tho i cant. I cant be the one thats gave up on a marriage id do anything to fix this.
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