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Old 27th December 2007, 08:48 AM   #1
Janet
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narcissistic spouse

Does anyone have experience living with a narcissistic spouse?

The light was just turned on and I think my husband's intense selfishness is actually a form of narcissism (this was confirmed recently by a family friend who is a therapist).

I am at my wits end. I am ready to leave my husband. We have a young child and I don't think I can take this any longer!

Please help!

Janet
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Old 27th December 2007, 12:23 PM   #2
Raymond
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Re: narcissistic spouse

There's nothing wrong in loving oneself. We all need to love ourselves, but if that's the end of the story, we are in a prison. Jesus said love your neighbour as yourself or love others in the same way you love yourself. The bible says love your wife as your own body and as christ loved the church. That's a pretty high standard for a husband because christ gave His life for the church and for anyone who came to Him. In everyday practice it means we have to love our wives. Each of us have to work out what that means, but it doesn't leave any room for selfishness. One doesn't actually live properly without loving another in my experience. I say all this because you have posted on the christian part of the site. We are all afflicted with the disease of selfishness to some extent or other. For me this began to break by coming to christ.

Raymond
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Old 28th December 2007, 12:21 PM   #3
Alice Alice
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Re: narcissistic spouse

how and why are some people over the top selfish?
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Old 28th December 2007, 11:16 PM   #4
Raymond
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Re: narcissistic spouse

Like who Alice? Two reasons I can think of is one being spoilt as a child. Over indulged by ones parents so that one thinks they are the most important person above others.

Secondly one who has never been awakened through lack of love as a child. Someone who has felt extreme rejection within and hurts others before they hurt him. Or the rejection can work the other way when one retreats inwardly and is virtually unable to relate sincerely to others. I was this way to a certain extent, but not anymore. Receiving love for who one is and not for one's achievements is the answer, the key that releases the personality from deep within.

Raymond
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Old 29th December 2007, 07:07 AM   #5
Alice Alice
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Re: narcissistic spouse

who?...i speak of?
my husband is whom i am speaking of...i love him, but not that much that i will let him continue with his selfish act of porn.
Don't get me wrong he has beauty the beauty of a kind person but for some reason he has forgotten who i am and seems to continue with his need of porn.
i hope i didn't do or say something to put him there even though i know before me he was there and had stoped but then returned to it

i'm not saying i'm doing something wrong i'm saying he see's me doing something wrong because of his twisted view of love making

his mom was a "slut" i feel so bad to say this but its true she was a single mom looking for a good time every weekend this all started when his dad died

knowing this makes it a bit easier to understand him but on the same hand he knows all the wrong things she did so why is he doing these things to his family ...different but still distructive...i'm sorry i am going too far with all this

i love him very much i really do
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Old 29th December 2007, 10:46 AM   #6
Raymond
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Re: narcissistic spouse

Your husband has a big problem it seems Alice. He would have this problem whether he was married or not. It seems to me he needs to learn what marriage is. Porn is a kind of mental adultery. When one goes for sex of any kind outside of marriage the marriage will suffer as you have discovered.

I don't know his background but I suspect a lot of this stuff kicked in before he even married you. He would have picked up stuff from his mother without realising it.

He needs healing, but how bad does he want to be healed? It seems that he has not had the best of upbringings and that doesn't help.

All these things can be overcome. I have probably had a worse upbringing than most of you, but there is hope. One does not have to be chained to past misfortunes. All true healing starts with christ I have discovered.

Raymond
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Old 29th December 2007, 07:25 PM   #7
Alice Alice
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Re: narcissistic spouse

first i'm sorry to hear you had the worst childhood i hope you can capture every day as a child, i hope you can get a chance to to live somewhere that is full of nature, trees, mountains, ocean, anything of nature, animals, butterflies, birds, squirrls.
I have a place i go to a beaver dam it has to be the most beautiful place i have ever been. the frogs lilly pads a few bevers. The water falls over to the other level of the river making that peacefull tranquile sound that captures the since of my happy place.

It's time for me to check in with my husband and his progress the holidays have put all of what happened almost a month ago on hold.

i'm off to work take care
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