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Old 4th February 2010, 04:41 PM   #1
koliver0821
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Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

Ive seen the face of darkness deep inside my wife's eyes. I love her so much and I cannot bear to see the hurt in her eyes. She is really depressed and last night told me her soul was lost.

Please Lord hear my prayers for my wife while she is coping with her depression. Also, give me the strength and the ability to support my wife and children through these treacherous times.

My wife's soul is most definitely worth saving......
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Old 5th February 2010, 09:16 AM   #2
Raymond
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

Who do you think is the one who paid the price so that she needn't be lost Oliver? Who is the one who came to seek and to save that which was lost? She is only a step away if she is open.

Maybe it's the guilt of this affair. If it is there is forgiveness from you and from God where there is repentance.

Raymond

Last edited by Raymond; 5th February 2010 at 09:21 AM.
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Old 6th February 2010, 12:19 AM   #3
koliver0821
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

My wife is definitely depressed. I was hoping with the revelation of the affair that she would feel better but it was momentary.

We are both seeing therapist. My wife has been open about the affair. I personally have past by the forgiveness stage. Right now, I want my wife to be better. Im just hoping that she is better with me. And that Im not the cause of her depression...
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Old 6th February 2010, 11:26 AM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

Why should you be the cause of her depression Oliver?

Was she depressed before this affair?

Raymond
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Old 6th February 2010, 01:00 PM   #5
koliver0821
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

Raymond, Im not into making excuse for the affair, but i think that the depression was there before the affair just as it was there for me before the affair. I know im not the only reason why she is feeling that way. However, my guilt is eating me up from the inside. Im doing everything to push it away from me.

I know im able to forgive her for the affair, I guess in part, I need her to forgive me for the torment I put her through as well. I will start today by telling her truly sorry I am for causing her so much pain before the affair.
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Old 7th February 2010, 11:02 AM   #6
Raymond
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

Oliver I never understood about the torment you put her through before the affair. In what way did you do that?

Guilt is not a thing that a christian has to go round with. If one knows they are in the wrong one can go to Christ and repent and His blood washes us clean. Condemnation and accusation are not from Him but from the enemy. We don't have to have that because Christ justifies us when we repent. Obviously we have to put it right with whom we have wronged, in this case your wife? If you have done that the best you can and are loving her and watching out for her there is no place for carrying guilt or remorse around with you. These principles may be a battle in your mind but it is a battle that can be won

Raymond
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Old 7th February 2010, 01:14 PM   #7
koliver0821
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

Raymond, Part of the "torment" I put her through could have very well been self inflicted. However, I will shoulder some of this blame because I realize now that I have not always been there emotionally. I missed signs from my wife when she was doubting my love for her.

In the past, i was verbally abusive. Not at her just. more like when she asked me to do things at times. I felt like I was under attack a lot. Maybe in some ways I was. However, I woud say things or swear or whatever and she took it as an attack on her. She would say some things right back at me and truthfuly, after that was done, I felt better. Unfortunately, I wasn't good at sharing my feelings, only my emotions, as they would often come out in different ugly forms.

Forgiveness is quite an interesting gift. I really have forgiven my wife for her actions. Yesterday, I asked her for forgiveness as well. To me it was just another step for me to move forward.

Torment can also be caused by someone not being their emotionally. I think im living with that right now. I mean, I know I love my wife unconditionally. However, Im not sure my wife feels the same way now. I think thats what my wife was feeling before. That she loved me but maybe I wasn't there for her emotionally and she couldn't tell how much I loved her. I mean my actions or inactions were telling her more than the words I love you told her.

I agree that the battle can be won. I need to work on my insecurities right now.
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Old 8th February 2010, 10:26 AM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

It is good that you had reflection on your actions Oliver. That is part of going forward. Now you are moving on and living up to the light you have there is no place for guilt. You have asked your wife's forgiveness so you have put right the past and you do not need guilt.

I'd like to ask what do you think your wifes main love language is? We may love someone but if we can speak their love language they perceive it more. There are five love languages, Touch (hugs etc.), Quality time, Gifts, Words of Affirmation and Act of Service. I know that we may all like these things but one of those will be her main language. The thing that tanks her love tank up in a special way. My wife's main one seems to be touch and I wasn't a very tactile person, so I had to learn it. Just a thought.

Raymond
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Old 8th February 2010, 09:00 PM   #9
koliver0821
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

Ray, have you read that book by Dr. Chapman? I've been thinking of picking it up. Or hoping someone might have it electronically.
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Old 9th February 2010, 09:46 AM   #10
Raymond
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

I haven't hear of the book Oliver. What is it about?

Raymond
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Old 9th February 2010, 04:11 PM   #11
koliver0821
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-...ove-languages/

My therapist mentioned this book in my last session and the next day, you made mention of the 5 languages of love. Dr Chapman wrote about 5 love languages. I know now that my wife's love language is acts of service and words of affirmation. I noticed the responses I received when I started doing this more often.

I guess Im more of a words of affirmation and quality time and touch. (I like them all!!!)
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Old 9th February 2010, 08:32 PM   #12
Raymond
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Re: Prayer for Strength, Support and most of all my wife

Of course of course. The Dr. part through me off. I know him as Harry Chapman. A well known christian marriage expert.

It's great that you are reading it Oliver. All these things help. It shows you care about building a good marriage.

I think my wife's are touch and words of affirmation. Mine aren't touch, but I have learned to do it. I need to work on words of affirmation more.

He says you can find someones love language through the way they express love. People usually give what they need and not always what the other needs. I think all the things are good but he points out that one will be the prime love language.

You did well to discover yours and your wife's love language so early.

You may have hit on a winner there.

Raymond
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