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Old 25th August 2009, 08:01 AM   #1
Johnee S
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 199
Too good to be true

After another attempt at rebuilding our marriage, sadly it is done now. This time I am not hurt or ashamed or scared, or needy. I told her she has 2 choices get a court order to through me out or leave on her own. With her poor choices in lifestyle and living beyond her means she is doomed to a lonely alcolohic life. She will be welcome to visit anytime to be with the kids until otherwise decided but I refuse to walk away from my kids and my home.

If the courts want me out I will leave and take my belongings and the kids with me unless the courts state she is sole custody which she will not get after they find out how she's lived the last 2 year4 years while I busted my tail to keep our home and everything in it. I ruined my credit for the family on a few occasions in the past while she did so out of her lack of responsibilities and obligations to her family.

I am going to see a lawyer next week; and will seek temp custody if I must. I don't want things to get ugly but it seems she has already shown me she is done. I refuse to just walk out the door and abandone my home and kids. It is she who wants out of the relationship to pursue other interests who am I to stop her. It is she who no longer feels the desire to make this relationship something more then she has the last couple weeks, funny it didn't take me long to see through her BS and masks.

I called her out on each of them I tried very hard to be reasonable and considerate; in return i got the cold shoulder and ignorance to what it takes to make the relationship go in a positive direction. Now I have no choice but to act on what I feel I must do now, send her out and not let her back in. As I said above she can visit but that's as far as i will ever allow it to go. I will be content with my decision and have thought it through since before we got back together. I am hurt and disappointed but I am not really surprised. This is the start of a new life once again, this time no needy insecurities. I know I will do fine, though it still sucks.
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Johnee

Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that the other feels the same.
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Old 25th August 2009, 09:28 AM   #2
huting
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Re: Too good to be true

after reading your posts, i want to thank you for giving me hope in men again. i always felt that women and men are completely different in what they want and need. because i have always just wanted to spend time with my h and to love him and for him to love me back and want to spend time with me. which after reading your posts i realise thats what you wanted too and youre a man so that has helped. sorry for the ramblings... it makes sense in my head.
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Old 25th August 2009, 11:51 AM   #3
j92cool
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 183
Re: Too good to be true

Dear Johnee

I am so sorry things didn't work out for you. Stick to your guns and fight for what is right for you and the kids. I cannot imagine any court giving custody to an unfit mother but definately get that lawyer and do it quickly. Keep posting. I am reading alot these days but not posting much. My life has turned to crap again lately too and I do find visting this forum helpfull.

You and the kids deserve better. You deserve a partner who pulls their weight.

Hugs
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Old 25th August 2009, 12:52 PM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Too good to be true

If it has to come to this Johnee then you need to cover your tracks from now on with regard to custody. You have a good record but it has to stand up in a court. If you are aware of that you will be OK regarding custody.

I understand the end of your poem now.

Raymond
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Old 28th August 2009, 06:13 AM   #5
Johnee S
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Re: Too good to be true

Huting no worries hun, we are all human beings deep down we all want the same things, to love and be loved in return, to exist as a unified partnership of the deepest levels; not to worry your H may turn around once he realizes just what he maybe giving up. The thing you need to do is less focus on him, nore focus on you, enpower and strengthen yourself. it is hard to do but trust me it is neccessary for your own peace of mind and sanity. Don't playback all the negative stuff as that will only attract more negative, instead focus on the positives and good memories, allow yourself to change your inner attitude and let that reflect outward into your world, it may wake him up at the same time but be consistant and don't stop once things get better.

j92cool, thanks for the encouragement, it sucks but hey I am stronger then before, better then before, and more aware fo the bigger picture down the road. yes I deserve better and I will find someone better who is the right fit and who will enrich my life and maybe my kids lives too. Not in a rush mind you, I want to take my time here lol maybe dialabride... j/k...

Raymond,

Not sure what you meant by cover my tracks... I am not one to hide my plans or keep things secret from my Wife, in fact I tell her exactly what I plan on doing and how I am going to do it. she is the deceptive one remember? I told her exactly what my plans are and what is acceptable for me to grant her living here and me move out, I know her tall too well she gives up on herself way too easily and will not put any real effort if any to make herself earn more $$$$ to support the home and kids, unfortunately she lacks the will and disipline. I may sound pretty hard but after 16 years of supporting the family I feel I earned the right to state my thoughts to her in the manner i had.

In short I gave her choices that I felt would be the easiest ones as well as the hardest ones so she could gauge for herself which course of action she needs to take. I know she has been talking with a feminest lawyer who has a hate on all men and she is getting her head filled with garbage from her cheating 50 year old boss at work, not to mention her friend Mark whom she stayed with while we seperated earlier this year. The guy is an alcolohic, who is known to take advantage of his staff including my wife who is too ignorant to see it. oh well she made her choices as poor as they are.

Example as soon as she came home she went straight to the bar to meet him and her 20 something friends who have no clue on her life as a mom and wife. I hope she picks someone up and goes to his place, I don't want her here. This weekend she's staying at a girlfriends house who has offered a spare room in the basement I hope she takes it, her frind drinks and smokes pot. I have nothing against her she's a very cool woman with 2 kids and her hubby place bass in a famous punk rock band. However, her friend works hard and I hope that will rub off on my soon-to-be-ex-wife.

Glad you understand my poem now, it describes me to a perfect "T".
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Johnee

Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that the other feels the same.
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Old 29th August 2009, 10:31 PM   #6
yogamad
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Re: Too good to be true

Johnee, haven't spoken to you in a while but sorry things haven't worked out the way you wanted them to. I've a feeling that things will work out fine for you in the future though, good luck with everything.

Yoga
x
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Old 30th August 2009, 07:15 PM   #7
Raymond
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Re: Too good to be true

What I meant by covering your tracks Johnee is not to leave any opportunity for any prosecutor in a court situation regarding custody. This lawyer may want you to look bad so don't give any opportunity in a run up to any court case. Just be aware of what you do thats all.

Raymond
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Old 1st September 2009, 11:58 PM   #8
Johnee S
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Re: Too good to be true

Thanks Yogamad! XO yes it has been a while, too busy with kids and work... I will keep my chin up held high and do what I can to make this transition easy on the kids and me and yes even the ex...

Raymond sound advice thanks not to worry I'm not giving any ammo to that lawyer of hers nor to her. I simply don't care what she does or with whom. I have all my acres up my sleave, should this go to court that lawyer of hers will be running with her tail tucked and the ex will have nothing but embarressment when I explain in detail how she neglected to improve her carreer situation or pass up opportunity to go to school while I supported the family, as well as her neglect to our kids for her online fantasy and long distance affair which cost the family not only a marriage but approx. 2400 dollars which I am stuck paying for out of my own pocket as the ex cannot pay for it in any way. Long distance bills, her cell phone, the PC she used, plane tickets to hook up with her long distance lover, the hotel, and food, etc on my credit... I told her before she left I knew she was up to no good and that her returning would destroy our family in many forms. She went anyways little did she know she handed me the aces.
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Johnee

Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that the other feels the same.
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Old 2nd September 2009, 12:00 AM   #9
Johnee S
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 199
Re: Too good to be true

I told my ex if she wants to be here in our home with our kids she had to make more $$$ to support all the expences every month. She is 1200 short including the child support I'd pay her, clocks a ticking and she's done nothing but continue to go out and party it up or go out for dinner with her friends, by day she plays Bejeweled as her PC mysteriously broke and she is using mine now, which I log and track everything on it long before this whole mess started for my own peace of mind (run 2 radio servers and 2 game servers off my PC).
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Johnee

Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that the other feels the same.
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