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Old 1st February 2010, 10:50 PM   #1
Hopefull1983
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My two steps back arrived

I just got a message from my friend (the one who my husband developed feelings for) It read as follows:

"just so u know, i'm catching up with ... on thurs after work, meeting my mate ... and him too. just don't want u thinking i've gone behind ur back or anything. always thought they'd get on and to be honest she could do with getting to know a few more people now she's back home! she's coming with me on saturday too, so u can meet her then!"

The first ... is my husband and the second is my friends friend.

Now firstly nothing ever did or would happen with my husband and friend (well for him it did he developed feelings), however, they're unrequited, she just doesn't want to fall out with anyone. However, am I wrong to feel threatened and angry by this?

I don't know, I'm just so angry, but I think it's more because I was starting to feel so strong and thought I was all cried out over him but now it seems that's not the case and I'm more angry about that than the fact that they're meeting. I could scream. I was even going out with my friend on Friday for some wine in a local coffee shop where they have a jazz night on, there's a cute guy working there and I was quite intrigued (not by doing anything) but just by the prospect of spending an evening drinking wine and having a cute guy wait on us but now I'm not even excited about that anymore.
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Old 1st February 2010, 11:06 PM   #2
seven
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Re: My two steps back arrived

Hopeful, I can totally see why you'd be angry and hurt by this. As you said, there aren't any particular issues here which you should be hurt by - your friend isn't doing anything behind your back, and you're sure of that. However, it's just a little but like rubbing it in your face. If your husband knows just how hurt you are about him developing feelings for your friend, then he should be staying the hell away from her - especially if she's made it clear that it's unrequited. And it does seem a bit strange that she's fueling the fire, so to speak. If she truly understands how upset you are, surely she wouldn't be inviting him out - even if it is with other friends?

Perhaps this needed to happen for you to move on. Stay strong, be p*ssed off (I would be) but concentrate on YOUR night out. I agree, having a cute guy wait on you will do your confidence the world of good. You now need to spend the rest of the week deciding what to wear, pampering yourself, in readiness for Friday night.

Stay strong and start to look forward to YOUR night, instead of thinking about their night. I'm sure their night will be boring as hell anyway.
Seven x
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Old 1st February 2010, 11:48 PM   #3
Hopefull1983
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Wink Re: My two steps back arrived

Thank you Seven. Yes I agree with everything you've said, he's selfish and inconsiderate and she's a little insensitive to say the least even if her reasons for meeting are fair enough. It's just so frustrating when you think you're not going to be brought back down again. My husband and I have been getting along so well lately too but he didn't have the respect to tell me himself, I've handled all of this with such dignaty and never bad mouthed him (I've moaned...A LOT) but I've never disrespected him and tried not to degragate his name to any more than those who already know by telling people his main reason for walking away from our marriage. I just wish he had enough respect for me to stop humiliating me like this. I feel like everyone wants to be his friend...my friends, his friends, work friends, if only they all knew!

Anyway, I've made lots of new friends so that's what's important and yes you're right, I'll have to start pampering myself tomorrow in preperation for Friday.
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"Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." - Nicholas Sparks

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
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Old 2nd February 2010, 09:49 AM   #4
Raymond
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Re: My two steps back arrived

Try to look at it long term Hopeful. You are going to end up with someone who loves you and will be fully committed to you. This playing around he is doing is going nowhere. The pure girl who ends up with him will never have a long term future, him being the type he is who doesn't believe in committment.

It is hard for you as your work brings you up against all these things when normally you could put it out of your mind. I hope you don't settle for a temporary relationship when you have so much in you that makes you a fantastic catch for the man who believes in giving his life for his woman.

This will pass. It is a temporary blip. You were doing well. This is the one step back. You have had your two steps forward as well from what we have been reading and I am sure you will get back on track to the future which you deserve. All this will change you into who you should be. Make sure it is not used to your detriment.

Raymond
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Old 2nd February 2010, 01:29 PM   #5
luce
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Re: My two steps back arrived

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopefull1983 View Post

Anyway, I've made lots of new friends so that's what's important
Reading that opening message my initial thought was 'argghh, there is some friends you just dont need in your life'. Glad you have been busy making new ones. Have a good night out on Friday.

Luce. x

(and it doesnt sound like 2 steps back to me, a perfectly understandable wobble is not the same as going backwards)
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Old 2nd February 2010, 06:41 PM   #6
Hopefull1983
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Re: My two steps back arrived

Thanks guys and gals for your replies. Tough day today, had a bit of an emotional moment at my desk but I'm feeling a little better now, just trying to stay hopeful that all is going to be ok. Raymond, don't worry, I'm not a 'fling' type of lady and am by no means willing to let him and his actions turn me into something I'm not. I have a lot of respect for myself and if and when a man enters my life (romanticly) he will be one that I would hope to be more than just a temporary relationship. You're right, I have a lot to give, I am lucky that I do have a lot of respect for myself and know that I don't deserve this, not a lot of people come out of situations like this feeling that way but I know I am a good person and that he was lucky to have me and will be the fool who lost me.

Thank you all again for your support, say a little prayer that I get my strength back again. x
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"Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." - Nicholas Sparks

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
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Old 2nd February 2010, 06:54 PM   #7
Raymond
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Re: My two steps back arrived

Glad to hear it Hopeful.

Your words give me confidence that you know where you are going.

I will pray right after this post for strength for you as you asked.

Raymond
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Old 2nd February 2010, 08:46 PM   #8
luce
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Re: My two steps back arrived

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopefull1983 View Post
Thank you all again for your support, say a little prayer that I get my strength back again. x
You have my prayers.
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Old 2nd February 2010, 10:37 PM   #9
Hopefull1983
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Re: My two steps back arrived

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Glad to hear it Hopeful.

Your words give me confidence that you know where you are going.

I will pray right after this post for strength for you as you asked.

Raymond
Thank you.
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"Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." - Nicholas Sparks

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
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Old 2nd February 2010, 10:37 PM   #10
Hopefull1983
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Re: My two steps back arrived

Quote:
Originally Posted by luce View Post
You have my prayers.

Thank you Luce. How are you doing? Hope you are ok.x
__________________
"Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." - Nicholas Sparks

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
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Old 2nd February 2010, 11:58 PM   #11
luce
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Re: My two steps back arrived

I am doing better today thanks Hopefull.
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Old 7th February 2010, 03:03 PM   #12
Johnee S
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Re: My two steps back arrived

Hopeful your strength never leaves you, it just gets tired sometimes and needs a nap every now and then
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Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that the other feels the same.
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