Healing - 2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

georgie · 7th February 2010, 02:47 AM

Hi,
A friend from another site posted this in relation to a book he'd read about navigating divorce:

one of the most important things it said was to be patient with one's heart as it mends, feels so utterly lonely while it is mending. that loneliness won't last, eventually all of the grief and anger will be purged from the heart, it will be healed and actually love aloneness which is the opposite of loneliness.

at that point, one is ripe for love. real, genuine, fully adult, fully wonderful love. then, fate will lead that person to another who is at the same "place" in their life. if we are smart, we will not get suckered into a lesser love than what we truly deserve.

so, take heart. your loneliness will ultimately be a phase that will lead to a breathtaking future.

So true xxx

georgie · 7th February 2010, 03:01 AM

our loneliness is our chance to pour out our tears and anger. eventually, the tears will dry up and be replaced with a nice clean heart again that's light as a feather.

take heart and be patient with your heart. it will mend at its own pace

luce · 7th February 2010, 06:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by georgie

take heart and be patient with your heart. it will mend at its own pace

Thanks Georgie - i needed to hear that.

Hopefull1983 · 7th February 2010, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by georgie

Hi,
A friend from another site posted this in relation to a book he'd read about navigating divorce:

one of the most important things it said was to be patient with one's heart as it mends, feels so utterly lonely while it is mending. that loneliness won't last, eventually all of the grief and anger will be purged from the heart, it will be healed and actually love aloneness which is the opposite of loneliness.

at that point, one is ripe for love. real, genuine, fully adult, fully wonderful love. then, fate will lead that person to another who is at the same "place" in their life. if we are smart, we will not get suckered into a lesser love than what we truly deserve.

so, take heart. your loneliness will ultimately be a phase that will lead to a breathtaking future.

So true xxx

This is lovely and a really good way of looking at things. I see now how easy it is for some people to rush into the 'wrong' relationship too soon to help mend the heart but this can in fact be more of a hinderance than anything else.

I hope it is clear when our hearts are fully healed. I thought I was getting a little close to this recently after a couple of really strong and good weeks, but had a set back which has made me realise that I am still hurting a lot more than I care to imagine and I still love my husband unconditionally even after everything he has put me through. This itself made me realise that I still have a long way to go but I take one day at a time and I just try and think back to how I felt initially and now is 100 times easier than then so hopefully another 5 months down the line I'll be feeling even stronger.

Being in love is a wonderful thing especially for all of us on here who obviously believe in spending your life loving someone and how wonderful that can make us feel, it's definately not something we should rush into though, it's not only unfair to ourselves it's unfair to the person that you choose to be part of your life if you're still harbouring strong feelings for your ex. I will always love my husband, I will always love him because we have experienced so much of life together and had so many happy years and he's helped me become the woman I am today, however, there will come a point in time when I'm no longer in love with him and when the other pieces of my heart are open to love someone else unconditionally - I look forward to this day but I also know that if it comes too soon then it's highly likely that it will be the wrong decision.

Helen_uk · 7th February 2010, 11:35 AM

I think when we are left alone and bereft our instincts are to rush to someone - anyone - so that we can find comfort and solace . Added to that we aren't used to being " me " after so long being " we " . That's why so many search straight away for someone new.

I did it myself and it was a disaster . As with any type of shock you need time to recover. Once you're happy being alone, content with yourself then you can start to think about being with someone.

I rushed into a new relationship within a few months of splitting with the ex and sorry to say not only did I suffer but the other person got hurt when I couldn't sustain it. I wasn't over the ex and I wasn't ready to trust.

I did continue to date, but more casual meetings for coffee and left them in no doubt from the start that it was friendship first and then see where it went. Maybe even that was wrong but it lead me to where I am now.. happy and settled . It took almost 3 years to get there though.

Helen

Johnee S · 7th February 2010, 01:28 PM

Very awesome and encouraging truth posted Georgie!

Hearts heal and mend at their own pace in their own ways. We just have to allow it to happen and take whatever time is required.

8th February 2010, 06:47 PM

Do you think everyone heals at a different pace, some faster than others?
Are our hearts all different?
How do you KNOW when the time is right to move on???
And what if everyone else says it's too soon, but you feel it's right? Do they know you better than you know yourself?
What if I don't feel any more tears of anger?
What if I no longer feel one iota of love for him anymore?
What if I'm looking to forgive and move on?
Who gets to say when I'm ready to be happy again? 'Cause damnit, I feel ready now!

Helen_uk · 8th February 2010, 07:02 PM

Someone told me.. can't remember who ....you'll know you're ready to move on when you stop needing to be with someone and start wanting it. Dunno how true that is .

The answer is Raycub.. you do . We're all human, we bugger things up sometimes, get things wrong but when we get it right.. it's heaven !