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Old 9th July 2011, 08:23 PM   #106
Lynn
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Re: How to move on

Hello to you all and thank you for all your comments.

I do realise that I need to keep away, get on with my life etc.
I quite literally bumped into him again this morning, I was going to pick up my step-daughters post from his flat, he has moved out and is living with his Mum but at the exact time that I got there he pulled up.
He was not very friendly towards me and obviously wondered what I was doing there.
Luckily the encounter was brief and I am afraid my step-daughter is going to have to get her own post until it is re-directed as I am not doing that again.

I went and saw my step-daughter today in her Safe House and it was a lovely place. It is run by a Christian couple that have opened their home to people that need to get out quickly from abusives situations. They are a wonderful couple and their home is full of love.
She will be safe their until she can work out what her next move is. She is a very brave young lady and I admire her strength and courage.

She rang her Dad whilst I was with her to ask about her post and he said to her, what had he done that was so wrong for her to leave him? Of course she was full of guilt once again.

I will keep gaining strength where I can in moving forward and having no contact with him.
Every quiet day I learn to love myself once more.
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Old 9th July 2011, 08:34 PM   #107
Helen_uk
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Re: How to move on

Your ex sounds extremely manipulative Lynn , to ask his daughter that when she's trying to settle elsewhere . Sounds like he likes to keep the women in his life on a string like puppets....

I'm glad to hear you're starting to feel stronger and gaining peace from living your life your way.
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Old 9th July 2011, 08:54 PM   #108
Raymond
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Re: How to move on

I agree that your ex is manipulative Lynn as Helen says. I see a danger with this false guilt that is coming on your daughter in law just now. You must help her with that if you can as it seems a control is working through him. She needs to get free as well and not be swallowed up with a false guilt. I am glad that she is in a christian home. I am sure that they will be able to help her.
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Old 9th July 2011, 09:55 PM   #109
chosen
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Re: How to move on

Lynn, maybe you need to suggest to your step daughter that she cuts off contact with him for the time being as well, as it wont help her at all. Brilliant that she is in such a great place. It seems that this man just cant see (or wont admit) that he has done anything wrong, and I do know one or two people like that myself, manipulators and controllers who will never admit to being wrong ever. Thats why you can never win with them and need to cut them out of your life.They are just toxic.
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Old 17th July 2011, 11:10 AM   #110
Lynn
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Re: How to move on

Hello to you all,

Just an update.
Still no contact both ways.
He has not signed the petition as yet and I do not want to contact him to find out why.
I am just leaving it to my solicitor to sort out.
It may be that I can get a divorce by default. I do hope so.

I am moving forward and my feelings are mainly upbeat.
I have been out socially with a new friend, (female) not ready for the opposite sex just yet.
I am reading everything I can lay my hands on.

The book I'm into at the moment is called Meaning from Madness, Understanding the Hidden Patterns that Motivate Abusers, Narcissists, Borderlines and Sociopaths.

It is great reading and helps me to realise what is he's problem and what is mine, what I can change and what I cannot.
The patterns are particularly interesting because I can see clearly how I have got hooked back in every time and how he can just leave and find someone else in the blink of an eye.

I have to understand the meaning of this all so that I can move on to a healthy life and eventually attract a healthy relationship.
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Old 17th July 2011, 01:28 PM   #111
chosen
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Re: How to move on

Sounds great Lynn. You are doing really well and learning a lot. I hope that he signs the form soon. Has he got a solicitor himself? If he has, then maybe your solicitor can contact his. and see what is happening, but to some extent in a divorce you are at the mercy of the other and they can hold it up and delay it a lot if they want to.
God Bless
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Old 17th July 2011, 03:22 PM   #112
Raymond
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Re: How to move on

You are very wise Lynn in not contacting him.

I hope your daughter in law is getting on well in her new home. It's nice that you can contact her away from him.
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Old 17th July 2011, 06:26 PM   #113
Lynn
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Re: How to move on

No he has not got a solicitor as far as I know, he has just ignored the divorce along with everything else in his life.
I have had quite a bit of contact with both my step-daughters and they are both doing really well considering. He has since contacted them both but they have chosen to not answer him.

Both of the girls received text messages from their Dad's mother, their grand-mother saying that she thought they were dispicable for turning their backs on their Dad. I know they found this very upsetting and hurtful.
I, of course am not surprised in the slightest, she is part of the reason why he is the way he is. She is agrophobic and has passed on all her fears about life to her son.

They are two lovely girls with such strength and spirit, dispite what they have suffered.
I see a lot of myself in them and this gives me an opportunity to help and guide them and to give back something. I have spent so many years trying to take from everyone in an effort to make myself feel better.

Of course I now know that it is only me and the higher powers that have the answers and the healing that I have ever needed and this is what I wish to try to get across to them.
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