Christian Hubby Roaming Eyes
Well, I have been married for about five years now and I thought that I had a really good marriage. Last year I found out that my H had been taken in by porn since he was young. He had not been with me on many nights because he was finding comfort online looking at porn. he promised to stop and seek God 's help in the area, well just recently I found out that it has continued. I am concerned, first I was able to get him to talk about his feelings about my body, our sex lives, his love for me. He is the best man that I have ever known, he loves the Lord, and has always spoiled me. He tells me all of the sweet things that women want to hear, buys me gifts and pampers me. Yet when we got married I had already had three children from my first marriage, and then I had our baby. This left me with a fat tummy, I still hav ecurves yet my breast are not firm and my belly is a mess. He confessed that it has been a turn off for him at times, that he has had to think of other women when he was making love to me, just to stay erect. He confessed to looking at women that are much younger than I am (I am 33 looks 22) so we're talikng 18 year olds or so. He confessed to looking at women that have firm athletic bodies and a different shin tone than I. So I am set up to have breast aug and tummy tuck, yet the younger part, and skin tone part I can not do. i dress up each and every night with full jewelry, hair adorned. I look pretty hot everday for him, finding sexy gowns and dresses to please him. I am just afraid to be nude infront of him until I have the surgeries (this makes me sad). He cries often, because he feels bad for hurting me, he knows that it is a problem that is his own, and wants to start counseling. I come from and abusive back ground and I thought I had found a man that I could trust, yet my heart has been broken. Men try to pick me up all of the time, but that turns him on. I just pray that my two girls that are about to be teens and are growing up pretty fast, are not in danger of abuse, because the pictures he has shown me of what turns him on, looks more like them than me. Don't get me wrong, he has been nothing but great to our family, a prayer answered really. Am I crazy or am I too inlove to see danger when it's looking me right in the face? We started date nights on fridays and we actually go to a nice hotel and explore eacother sexually with freedom. Yet on our last date night he could not keep his eyes off of this really pretty girl, and later he had me watch porn with him as he had sex with me he watched the porn as a turn on. HELP, I want to just give up and leave him, but he begs me, and cries and pleads for me to stay. I don't know what to do.
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