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Old 10th April 2009, 01:31 PM   #1
Ruth
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2
Exclamation Help!

My husband and I will have been married 8 years on the 9th of June, sadly we are very unhappy and have plans to seperate in June this year. We have 10 weeks for God to perform a miracle for us. We have seen many miracles since we have been together and I am praying God will help us. My husband is in an anger management program for perpetrators of domestic violence, and I am very angry with him for some of the behaviour he has displayed towards me and our children and am sad to have been living in a fearful home. However, he is taking steps to try and sort out these behaviours and I know I must forgive him fully to move forwards and learn to trust him. Right now I am afraid of the future and very sad about the past. Please please pray for us that we will stay together and that ou marriage will become a place of love, trust and joy.
Thank you.
Ruth
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Old 10th April 2009, 09:40 PM   #2
1aokgal
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Re: Help!

Dear Ruth...

I am very sorry to hear of your unhappiness. It is a terrible thing to live with someone who controls everyone in the household with intimidation and fear. I am sorry to say this, but I don't think "anger management" sessions take the fear out of a childs' eyes or guarantee you don't get knocked though a wall when he has a bad day.

You may be more worried about how you make it financially, when you get out of that marriage, than you are to assess the damage being done to your children. People repeat in their adult lives often what they experienced as children. So your son may end up as a man who hits his spouse because he saw his mother demeaned.

I know what I am talking about because I divorced a man who had a hair trigger temper and one who humilated my two young sons if I did not step between. He did turn on me when I stood between him and my children. I was badly injured and it took me some time to get on my feet and leave. I had to plan our leaving carefully.

That time was not without consequence. I still suffer sometimes with back trauma from injury those many years ago. I also had my leg fractured in 3 places. Nice guy! My younger son has problems of his own, married twice since then. He has no relationship with me through the last 10 years. I can say that is all the reward of living in an abusive environment. There is a price to pay and you may not realize how high it can be until later.

I disagree that "you forgive him." That is a cop-out to the fact you are responsible for your childrens' decent life and your own. it sounds as if you are dependent financially and think you can make peace with a guy who acts insane in a temper fit.

I will pray..but it is that you take off the blinders and ...GET OUT! Trust him? Never. If you move forward it should be a good job and a bank where you squirrel your escape funds. Let his next wife/victim forgive him. These kind of men seldom FIX themselves. You can't fix the mess he is inside. Don't try, and deal with reality. If the only way out is into a shelter...so be it. That is better than to be scared all the time. Do you like to see your children humiliated?

Yes, I married again. I married a pussycat who is sweet and kind to me and worries about my welfare.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 13th April 2009 at 05:28 PM.
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Old 12th April 2009, 09:19 AM   #3
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Help!

I think the seperation is a practical thing you must do at the moment.

I don't think you can put a time limit on God to work. It doesn't work that way, but I do believe that if he is seeking help the help is there and he can change. You will have to watch that space with hope and prayers. He must not risk trusting himself with you until he knows that some real breakthroughs are taking place. I think in this case it will need more than self discipline. Some deep things will need to be worked out and the source of the anger sorted. I know it can be done. Like you I have seen many miracles. So there is hope.

Raymond
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Old 13th April 2009, 01:35 PM   #4
Ruth
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Re: Help!

Thank you for your messages, its really nice to know you care, its a very lonely place to be.
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Old 13th April 2009, 07:27 PM   #5
Raymond
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Re: Help!

If you are in the UK Ruth there are places that specialise in getting to the root of these things. It may need a healing retreat for a couple of days but they will quickly discern where the trouble is coming from. I am talking here about anger that someone doesn't want and are inwardly fighting against. An anger that overcomes when you don't really want it.

Raymond
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