I can't believe this is happening!

Well, it seemed to go well with the lawyer. He says I'll get to keep custody of my kids with ex H having every second weekend, half holidays and liberal visits WITH enough notice to me. He'll also still be required to pay child support. It all sounds wel and good, BUT he has to accept this deal still. I can't help but think he'll put up a fight; the money is SUCH a big deal to him, and he desperately wants to be rid of the support payments. Guess I'll have to just wait it out for a bit. IF all goes according to plan though, I'll offically be a free woman sometime over the next two months. YAY! Think I'll throw myself a divorce party to celebrate my freedom from him.

As for things with ex boyfriend....sigh....I wish I felt better about it. Having a bad day today. I find the weekends are particularly hard as I normally spent them with him, so they emphasize the fact he's gone. I'm having a really hard dealing witht he fact I'll never see him again. I feel broken....like after everything I've been through, he's the proverbial straw...

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent......xxx

[dazed and confused]

Hi Ray
It's good to hear it went well at the lawyers.He should pay child support.Are the support payments differant? Can you tell I have alot to learn.
My heart goes out to you about the ex boyfriend.I know how hard weekends can be.I'm a firm believer in never say never

Hi Ray,

Just caught up with your posts. Hope your Ex realizes that fighting the child support may cost him more in the long run and the only people to benifit will be the lawyers. Sending sense vibes his way hope that helps.

If it helps it's Friday night here and I'm here sitting on the forum, nobody here coz you're all in a different time zone. Friends are busy, either doing night shift or close friend is off for the weekend with her new man oh well that's life.

Maybe I should start a new thread "Weekend cyber party" all welcome come and go when you please all cyber drinks and food accepted lol.
Oh please bring imaginary partner with full description.

Hope you have a good weekend Ray
Hugz JB

[UpandDown]

Hi Ray

How are you doing? What's the latest on the legal front? Been thinking of you.

Sorry I couldn't talk in the boxy thing in Facebook. I wish i'd gone on the computer at the start of James' nap instead of doing tidying and washing up then I could have chatted! This is the sort of thing that's important to do - not loading the dishwasher!

Anyway, if it's any consolation at all when I got up there there was poo on the floor and on his top and later on I found some that he must have flung down the stairs........lovely! Of course I had to make out like I was totally fine with it and poo is not a problem in case I give him a complex (Gina Ford says!!)

Hey ho, hope you're doing okay. Is it a bit ploddy at the moment?

Lots of love
Kathryn
x

[UpandDown]

ps Jellybean - I'm up really late it's 1.30am here but I think you're too much the other way? I think you must be on yesterday and someone like Jennifer is on tomorrow and I'm on today? But then again I don't really know......

Pointless post I'll admit, but dammit i've typed it now so I'm going to send it anyway. Hope you're okay.

x

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I posted. Thought I might catch you up to date.

Since last posting, I hit bottom and I'm slowly making my way back up. When I found myself crying on the bottom of my shower once too often I finally realized I needed help, so I saw my doctor, who rightly diagnosed me with depression. He put me on meds, which I resisted taking at first, but they're helping. He recommended a therapist and approved this forum too! He wanted to put me off work as well, but I stayed on, feeling I needed the distraction. That didn't last long however; I was so distracted at work this past school year, I was really doing a dis-service to my students and myself. So, after two weeks, I went off on sick leave. I've been off three weeks now, and it's really something I needed.

I realized pretty quickly that I never fully dealt with my separation last year. I had to be strong and together for my kds, so I put all my own feelings and issues on hold and went about getting on with things. NOT a great thing to do. I should have taken time off last year, but I took two days off when my whole world was falling down around me. I think I was probably in shock and numb and just thought I was healing. So everything was really on hold, and then I met New Guy, and I thought I was ready for a new relationship. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't, I don't know. I do know I thought I was happy with him, but looking back, I think he was like a drug I was addicted to; I needed him to take my mind off everything.

So, when New Guy left me, it all finally fell apart. He was the proverbial straw. And I just couldn't function any longer. Enter my amazing doctor, and now I feel like I can finally, wayyyy ahead in the distance, see a little light! I'm smiling again and laughing which feels soooo good. I'm forcing myself to go out and do things with people, to make connections and socialize. I've met new people and reconnected with some old friends.

It's a daily struggle. Most mornings after the kids go to school, I crawl back in bed and sleep. I'm exhausted and my body and mind need the rest. Today is the first morning I didn't crave that sleep, so I'm viewing it as another baby step.

I turn 40 in 9 days. I'm actually looking forward to a new decade. My 30's threw some really tough sh!t my way, so I'm hoping (it's good to feel hopeful again) a new decade will be kinder and gentler to me.

So, that's it. Oh, ex-H is still bullying me and threatening me with all kinds of stupid ideas to get out of child support, but I'm choosing to ignore him and let my lawyer deal with him.

Hope everyone is okay...

Love to you all!
Ray
xx

[georgie]

as the old irish saying goes .. 'may the road rise with you'.. its been quite a year, we've been through a lot and learnt a lot, all totally exhausting but strangely enriching and enlightening too.. I think we are finalising this volume, ready to proceed in to the next adventure xxx lets hit it!

[mdmquincy]

Hey Ray,

I'm still at work, but my heart is reaching out to you with every beat. I am so sorry you have been down, and I was not there to help you through. I think you are amazing, of course. To recognize that you need help is one of the strongest decisions a person can make.

It is not always popular to medicate. I have been walking a thin ledge myself for 3 months, and I have gone from the strong one who never needs help to a person who will seek out help from anyone who will offer it. I've found that help in the strangest of places actually, and you should know that help is available to you.

I don't know how long you have been taking your medications, but they will take a bit to kick in. It's only been 2 weeks since they put me on an antidepressant, but I am already feeling a little better. They boosted me with Abilify. Be patient with the meds and know that help is on the way.

40 is fabulous. I can't wait. You should head down to TN for the summer. Seriously, the pool will be open in 2 weeks and we can laze the summer days away. I'd love to have you for a visit. Open invitation. Seriously.

Love you and I will talk to you more this evening.
J

[luce]

Ray, honeylicious lady. I am reading the above and thinking 'yaayyyy' - sounds like you have been doing some major work, made some big breakthroughs and have arrived at mega turning point. So proud of you! xxxxxx

Hi everyone...just a quick update.

Things in my life are good right now. I turned 40 almost two weeks ago, and it seemed like a turning point for me. For the first time in my life, I can HONESTLY say that I don't feel the need to be in any kind of relationship with anyone other than myself. I was talking to Georgie and JWD about this, and telling them what a foreign concept this is for me; I can't remember a time in my life when I ever truly enjoyed being single and finally, at 40, I can say it because it's how I feel.
It's very freeing...

I'm still off work, which has been a tremendous relief for me. It's really given me the time to think about things and just take time for myself. My meds have kicked in and I'm not sure if it's them or just me that has me more positive and looking forward to my future...probably a combination of both. Whichever, I'm thankful...

My ex has made himself very scarce lately...not much contact with the kids at all, although both he and his mother will be here tomorrow evening to attend my oldest's Confirmation ceremony, but I'm really not worrying about it. It's about my daughter, not me, so I can put any negative feelings I may still have away for her.

Life isn't perfect. I still have a lot of difficult moments, but all in all?? Sooo much better. I can't believe how far I've come in just two months. I'm feeling like myself again. Actually, I'm feeling like a new version of myself...with a new tattoo to go with the new me! lol. Birthday present for myself!

Anyway, I'm getting to know the new me; I think I might like her...

Positive vibes and virtual hugs to everyone,
Raycub
xx

[georgie]

Like her? you'll love and adore her xxx
Home Stretch xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[mdmquincy]

Ray!!

I agree with Georgie... You are easy to love and adore.
I am impressed with your moxie, missy. A tattoo? You simply must post pictures. What'd ya get? Where? If that's not too personal ;P
Positive vibes are always coming your way,
J

Thanks Georgie and Jennifer...

Jen, it's the Chinese symbol for "Year of the Dog": 1970. Got it on my very lower back, left side I love it!

[JWD]

Well I luuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrveeeeeeeeeeee her. Very much so. She's absolutely hilarious, smart as hell, drop dead gorgeous and thoroughly lovely!

xxxxxx

[Fairy]

Hi Raycub, i just read your post and i am really gocksmacked.

I am married 4 years now and to be honest i am sensing my husband is not happy.He has no personality and does ANYTHING i want him to do.I am feeling EXTREMELY uncomfortable with this and i told him to stop and be a bit more himslef.Not just looking up to me or waiting for me to make the decisions in the house.
Now , i don't know if your husband was like this but i have to say, if i wait another 10 years to come by, i will end up with a husband who will blame me for a miserable life he will have because he only decided to give up being himself.

He is the perfect man in a sense that he is always avoiding conflict, doing everything i want,complimenting me,always following my lead, not because i want to, but because he doens't like owning up to whatever he thinks so he placed it on me and i SERIOUSLY ressent.it is not about being nice it's about him being a coward in life.and i don't play the game.
Yes i am an assertive person but i never bargainned for this.
He is not bad looking but his lack of independance , emotionnal independance in anything is killing the relationship.
I can say to myself,"oh welll, since he is no trouble husband, why complain ? but i am seriously questionning his attitude.it is not healthy.a man should be assertive and not let the wife take the lead in the realtionaship.he is laid back and doesn;t talk much and agree with everything...
I don't like it.

we are in our late twenties.by the time we reach 40, i am sure i will have a husband who ressent me because he has lived under my shadows and he will blame me for it.whereas, it was his own fault.

So i really need this to change...i want to address issues now., he doesn;t like that but i cannot live like this buckling things up...

sorry Ray to take up your post but really, your husband is a pure coward...