Can't get any worse!

Hi Everyone,

Well what can i say! wife left me 3.5 months ago, no explanation, no reason just told me she was leaving, don't even know where she is now,left me with my youngest son ( although 19 years old ) still young and immature, it's affected him badly as he adored her, i have spoke to her since but like many of you will have experienced it was like speaking to someone i didn't know.

To say i was devastated is an understatement, i had no idea what was coming, we didn't argue and had a good standard of living, ( she having an extremely well paid job ) anyway i've started to have some good days which is a blessing but still don't sleep, but i'm sure that will come again in time.

After coping emotionally and financially ( big mortgage plus all other bills all my salary just went into paying this, previously my wife paid half of everything but that stopped when she left now) i've found out today that i am to be made redundant, the icing on the cake! how much more can a person endure!! thought i could get through this but now i'm not sure, my head again is in bits, here we go again, i'm sure someone has got it in for me.

Sorry for the rant but i'm so frustrated at whats going on.

A.

[UpandDown]

Call that a rant???!!!! That's nothing!

So so sorry for what you've been going through. And really sorry about the redundancy - hope you're getting a good package! How easy it is to get another job in your industry? If not easy, maybe this is a blessing in disguise and will give you the chance to do something you've always wanted??!

What are you going to do about your house? Can you sell it or rent it out? You could maybe get a lodger? Try and get some legal advice asap about your position.

It seems like a lot to be dealing with in one go doesn't it! Unfortunately that seems to be the way of it with these things. I'm dealing with the break up, looking after a one and two year old, trying to move into rented accomodation and a personal bankruptcy. We seem to all have an amazing ability to cope - and ofter better than our other halves.

It beggars belief that she wouldn't even give you a reason for leaving. Where's the respect for you? It's disgusting but does seem to be quite common on here.

I hope you get some answers soon and a plan for the future. Get as much help from family and friends as you can and get out and about...

Love Kathryn
x

[Raymond]

I hope you got a good deal as well Algenon. If not you need to be pro-active and find out all you can. Doing deals with the Building Societies are politically in favour just now so there may be a way through. Renting out part of the house may be one solution but you would need to make one part self contained and seperate from your son and you. If you can do that you might be able to pay the mortgage. Or you could rent the whole house out and rent a smaller place temporary.

It sounds to me like your wife has been carrying on with someone else maybe and doesn't want your son to know that she is in adultery? Just a thought.

Raymond

[luce]

Hi A - sorry to learn that you are having such a horrid time but glad you found your way here. Warm wishes Luce

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice,

I have sought advice from a local solicitor regarding my current situation and i'm afraid it wasn't what i wanted to hear, anyway they have advised me not to do anything yet as they believe it is still early days regarding legal separation ect, we had been together for 28 years married for 18, so i think based on this 3.5 months is not a long time, i think maybe after 6 months i need to sit down and seriously evaluate what i'm going to do.

I have a theory that my W has experianced some soughtof breakdown which has resulted in thie current situation, the problem is is that it will get to a point where i will no longer be interested in any reconcilliation.

I did ask her the last time i spoke to her was there anyone else, she denied this, my son has also asked her the same question, again he got the same answer, so confusing as to what to think.I do not at the moment have any contact with her although i have her mobile no, but i'm reluctant to call, it upsets me just to talk to her, after all she left me why should i be the one to chase and beg for her to come back, hopefully by not contacting her she may one day decide to contact me, i hope so! it will prove that she is at least thinking of me.

Kathryn, yes i agree with you it was completely devastating to watch her just leave, no reason no argument, when we did speak a couple of weeks later she was very quick to tell me how happy she was! i told her that i wish she was just as quick to tell me that she was having a problem that eventually led to her leaving.

At the moment i'm looking at what plans i can make for the future, financially i'll be ok for a couple of months and i have got really good support from my brother who has been a good sounding board, my parent although now getting on do offer support but i feel guilty with bothering them because of their age.

I know that at sometime in the near future i will have to make a decision regarding the house, but for now i'm trying to deal with one problem at a time, otherwise i think i'll lose it, first priority is to try and secure new employment, not easy in today climate, but hey got to keep trying.

I look at it this way, i'm on a journey i don't want to be on, i'm scared of what the future holds, but also excited as to what i'll find on the way, as i said i do have good days but these are outweighed by the dark days, hopefully this will turn around soon.

A.