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Old 23rd August 2010, 03:43 AM   #1
zfis
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1
Confused

Let me first start by stating that I have been married for 6 years now. I was married 4 years after I my first wife left me which left me devastated. I wanted to remarry and I prayed about it often, I had certain criteria I asked for and then all of a sudden I met my current wife who met the criteria and I felt like God was leading me to marry her, which I did.

It wasn't long after we were married that I felt that I had made a huge mistake, I was mad at God for a while until I came to the realization that being mad at God was counter productive.

We did have sex prior to marriage and it was good (even though I know it is wrong), after we were married it stopped and her personality completely changed for the worse. Here it is with 6 years that have gone by and I feel I have been sentenced to a lifetime of bad sex to a woman I am not attracted to anymore or want to be in the same room with.

I have been longing for an intimate relationship for a long time. Last week I was out of town and met another woman and one thing led to another and I ended up spending the next 3 nights with her. It was amazing and wrong all at the same time, I feel terrible about it now and have asked God to forgive me but it did take me a while to feel bad about it.

Now I am back home, stuck in this marriage. I have tried to speak with my wife about these things in the past and nothing ever comes of it. I am at a crossroads, I have experienced what I have been wanting for so long and now hate the fact that I am not going to experience it again if I stay with this woman and remain true.

Even if the intimacy improved in this marriage how do I get over the fact that I am not attracted to my wife anymore, nor do I even enjoy having conversations with her because I am always wrong about something.

What can I do, I am completely confused.
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Old 23rd August 2010, 09:10 AM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Confused

Why did your first wife leave you zfis? Do you know the reason?

That the sex was good when you comitted adultery is really irrelevant. That's all part of temptation and will lead to spiritual death.

It is good that you see that and have repented. Have you confessed and apologised to your wife? An ungodly soul tie may have been made with this woman you went with. You may need prayer to break that as that in turn could affect your present sex life.

In what way did your wife change when you were married? We are commanded to love our wives and whatever the problem is together it can be sorted. For you to be looking for a way out after making the commitment of marriage doesn't add up.

Raymond
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Old 23rd August 2010, 01:23 PM   #3
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Confused

The fact that you and your wife had sex before marriage always starts the marriage off on a bad footing, so I hope that you have both repented for that. Also people dont just suddenly change after marriage unless you just didnt see what she were like before because maybe you didnt get to know her well enough before you married.
You mention that she met your criteria? That sounds very cold and clinical. Did you love her? Did you fancy her then?It does seem odd that if you found her attractive only 6 years ago, that you dont now. It maybe that you were so desperate to marry that you didnt see the red flags.

The affair was of course really wrong and you need to stop evein thinking about ever doing that again. As Raymond said, you need to tell her and say how sorry you are and have prayer about that. You have enjoyed sex before so there is no reason why you cant again. have you thought of counselling with a good Christian marriage counsellor for both of you?

Even if after counselling, things dont get better, you have no reason to divorce her and you really need to put all you can into this marriage and appreciate the good things and not think only of the bad. You married her only 6 years ago so there must have been many good things about her or you wouldnt have married her surely.

Pray for her and your marriage, ask her to go to counselling, tell her what you have done and get prayer as Raymond says to cut off the soul ties between you and this woman you slept with. Also get tested for STDS. Any woman who will sleep with a married man(or any man) who she has just met may well have slept with many many other men as well.
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