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Old 20th March 2009, 03:02 PM   #11
andrewbee
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Re: I don't love my wife and never have...

I am not expecting perfection. I know it would take a while to find the right person, and then there would be a long period of adjustment, as we deal with each other's imperfections. I also know I will need to do several more years of work on myself in order to avoid making the same mistakes again, and get myself in a position to really love somebody. I am doing this work anyway, regardless of the outcome of the marriage, because I want to be a better human being.

I might not have loved her completely, but she also lacks the capacity to receive love (to some extent). This is born out of having a father who was cold and uncaring, and who she still has a lot of unresolved feelings towards. Therefore, she has not been able to take on board what I have been able to give her - that comes across in our arguments, in which she accuses me of never having loved her, which is not true.

She also has Asperger's syndrome, which makes it so she sees things in black and white (you NEVER .... you ALWAYS .... preceding whatever negative thing she is about to say). So, she still after all these years sees me as her dad, and she is unable to connect on a sexual level due to the Aspergers. And no, we didn't know about this when we got married. She has only known for a couple of years that she had it. That has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with, as I have a healthy sex drive and expected a lot more sexually than she was able to give.

You do have some valid points, but I wanted to point out that there is more to the story than I mentioned in my first post. Your post did hit home though, and has given me much food for thought.
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