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Old 16th December 2011, 01:17 AM   #286
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I have never said I hated him, Chamomile, and I wish you would stop badgering me about this thread and bringing up stuff that's in the past. Are you having a bad week or something? As for living here, we are on the lease equally and one can not live here without the other because of finances. He can leave or I can leave and it wouldn't be breaking any lease because we live here together.

I have made my decision. I am staying here, I thought I made that clear in the last posting. I love him and he loves me and so I am going to stay here. He has no desire to break up with me (we talked as I told you) and loves me and wants to marry me. I have prayed about this and sought answers and I feel that God wants me to stay here. We are getting along very well and I see him making an effort and I have never had an unpleasant attitude towards him.

I have never showed my unhappiness or frustration and when I did I talked to him about it. This is not a case for legal procedures. We moved in together because we loved each other and that hasn't changed. Gabby has no desire to move on without me in his life and has told me that he wants us to be together forever and I believe him. We are talking more now and I got good news today about an additional money source that I will be receiving.

It isn't a lot of money but it will be every month and I am so relieved. He does not sleep on the sofa because he wants me to be comfortable or whatever you may think or imply. I told you long ago that he sleeps out there because of his snoring and he goes to bed earlier and there's probably another reason but I don't know it. Its no big deal and I wish everyone would quit acting like it is. We get along and have talked about things and so this is what I am doing.

I don't understand where some of you get the idea that I hate this man. I've never said that. You have to admit that the change warranted my feelings at the time. I've said that I care for him and that he is a nice man. He isn't waiting for me to move on and in fact; would be quite upset if I did. I have decided to stay and make the best of this situation. It is not a hardship on me because I feel this is what God wants me to do.

He has not removed the love but intensified it to a certain degree and it it doesn't work out then so be it but I am in this relationship and we are doing fine together. I'm giving him another chance and I am happy with him even thought it isn't the way I would like it but people change and so do relationships. I don't know why the main subject on this thread is now about how I shouldn't post on this thread or its changed or whatever.

No one is forcing you to post on here, I thought we were all friends in a way and cared about each other and wanted to help each other, but what I'm hearing now is condemnation and things being thrown back in my face and surely this isn't the reason for this post or even a christian thing to do.

Gabby and I have been through a lot together and both of us has changed. I feel like I should stay with him because I still love him. Yes, a lot of things bother me but i'm sure things bother you about your mate also. I've been married twice so it isn't like I don't know what its like to be married. We are going to get married when he wants to and he still wants to because I asked him and he looked at me like I was crazy to think he didn't want to marry me.

He said why else would I have asked you 3 times? He also said our time of making love is not over but that he's been going through a lot of stress with finances and his body is getting older and so he's been walking a lot and has been sick. He doesn't know why he gets so tired and he apologized but more than that, he will not discuss. Since I am still attracted to him I have to give us a chance.

If he cheats on me or something then of course it will be over but since that isn't happening and he's quit watching movies with nudity in it and I haven't come into the room and caught him at any m, I think that things are better. I don't know what he does when I'm not in the room but I can't sit around thinking about something that might not be happening.

We've been very happy lately and the only time I get upset is when I come on here and hear someone putting me down for the past or saying things about this relationship that are way off the mark and are not true. Just so we understand each other; I am not leaving him. I don't feel God wants me to do this. He didn't email me from heaven or something but the signs are that he wants me here.

Forever, I agree with you about Joyce Meyer. I have listened to her often and really like her. I feel some people on here need to lighten up a bit like Joyce does. When someone does something wrong and asks forgiveness then we should forgive them and not keep bringing it up. It isn't like I cussed anyone out or anything or committed murder.

I am very close to not posting on here and not because of what Chamomile said either. I come on here because I value some of your comments and opinions but I see no reason for any animosity or judgements. I was raised in an assembly of God church. Maybe some of the people on here are not christians like I think christians should be. All I know is that I believe in the Bible and if God has forgiven me for things, then so should everyone else and quit throwing it in my face.

If anyone doesn't want me on this post then they don't have to post here. I have a right to post on here because I've been doing it for a long time and I already said it has helped me a great deal which was the purpose,I thought. I dont know, maybe people outside of the untied States just think differently or something but I thought we were all christians.

The enemy will use anything and anyone to fight against a person. I don't like being told I should have posted somewhere else and that I should now start a thread somewhere else. I do what I want to do and if it wasn't for some posters on here, I wouldn't be where I am today and I thank them for that. But I am no one's punching bag and I expect respect as a woman and a christian.
 
Old 16th December 2011, 02:09 AM   #287
1aokgal
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear Baroness...

I don't think anyone here uses you for a punching bag. I don't think anyone insults you or puts you down. I do think most of us are women and we understand your feeling that things have not gone as you hoped. Aren't we raised on stories that Prince Charming comes along and life is happy ever after? Well, we KNOW that doesn't happen. We can fall in love with the heart, not the head, and find out that a man has misrepresented himself or put the best foot forward. What we got later, was far from that. So disallusionment sets in, as we realize we are older, have children,a home, and financial responsibilities that holds us. We feel we don't even know this person. So we cut the strings, and begin again. Divorce and separation ranks on the scale of stress elements at the highest point.

You have been married before and many of us went through broken marriages before we got lucky, or unlucky, as the case may prove to marry again. It is a proven fact that todays' women will sometime marry until they get it right!

What happens if they don't get it right? Statistics say the best chance for marriage is the first one. That statistic seems wrong to me! I think most of us will tell you that 1st marriage is the worst marriage because expectations are high and reality doesn't jive. Maturity, and a later marriage, shows we learn from the bad experience, We also have mellowed, so maybe we are a better partner. When People are in the 50's and 60's as Gabby is now, it is likely the last relationship. When others posted here, it is time others take to encourage you and give suggestions. That was meant to help and not to hurt. While you may not want to hear that, nor do I want to be rude, you should not be on the defensive. To say that someone throws something in your face is silly. If anything, there has been a lot of thought and kindness, from those who responded to your distress here and they, obviously, hoped to give you encouragement.

Sorry to disagree with you, but I don't think there is animosity or hostility towards you, not at all. It is true the threads are not a diary, but a forum, about the subject of the thread. That is why it was on the subject "a sexless marriage." Since you had not posted on a forum before, maybe that is the misunderstanding. Personally, I think the Moderator should close the thread. You could open a thread on the relationship in trouble. That would then make it possible for others to post to the situation. A sexless marriage and a relationship in trouble, is not the same. I think that is what is being said here, unless I am interpreting the posts incorrectly.
Most who post here have been on the forum for some years, so are familiar with the usual dialogues. We all want YOU to come out of being here and talking about things, better, and have a better grasp on how to find your way in future.
Is that how others think on this?

Last edited by 1aokgal; 16th December 2011 at 03:45 AM.
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Old 16th December 2011, 05:15 AM   #288
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

You don't have to worry about the 'moderator' closing this thread, none of you do, because I will not be posting on here anymore. How can you say that there have been no hurtful words here or that nothing has been thrown in my face? Chamomile has said in her last two posts that I was trying to be something I wasn't even though I already explained what happened and why and even apologized for it.

And yet she keeps bringing it up in an insulting way and you would have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to see that. I don't understand you women. First you are nice and say you understand and then you are telling me i'm not posting right and that I shouldn't be posting at all and it goes on and on and the same thing is said.

Then you say my man doesn't want me and wants to move on when you know nothing about him and label him a selfish man because he doesn't act the way you all think he should. One of you tells me to stay, the other one says to go and then yet another one is still talking about something that was already discussed and settled. I think you like bringing up, what you consider, my faults.

This was my thread for a long time and I don't hear anyone else talking about their problems and their lives, just me, and i'm the one who is told I should start a thread somewhere else. I do feel that Forever and Chosen are christian women and I believe they have tried to help me, especially forever lately. I appreciate all that she's said. I am also thankful to 1aokgal for showing me that my creativity can be an important part of my life.

However; its seems as thought 1aokgal has joined the band wagon as far as saying this thread should be over. I don't know why certain people think they have the authority to say when this thread should be over, but you can now find someone else to try and help and then eventually turn on. The one who understands gabby the most on here is actually Chosen. She saw that he was a kind man and while I thought she always takes the mans side; at least she wasn't insulting him.

If I stay with gabby things will be okay and if I leave it will be okay too but I am not here because i'm helpless and can't support myself. I am not trapped here because I don't have anywhere else to go. I always have family and friends even though I don't like to impose. I would never stay with a man because he was supporting me, and gabby would never support someone he didn't love.

At least he doesn't say things to hurt me like some of you do and he respects me in the way he treats me and talks to me. Does he have issues? Yes. I have never heard of christians acting and talking the way you ladies do. I would never say anything like some of the things you have said to me or suggested or even told me to do.

I tried to tell myself you had my best interests at heart but a lot of you are just judgmental and a bit critical and I would never have expected that from christian women. That isn't how a christian is supposed to act. What does the bible say? Not to judge and to do everything in Love as in 1st Corinthians 13. You don't put a person down or put them on defensive, you are supposed to build them up and if you can't say something good, then say nothing at all.

We are supposed to lift one another up as Christ would have us do, not point the finger at us and treat us like less of a person just because we did something you don't approve of. I have said that gabby and I are perfectly happy and that I was going to stay with him and yet you still post something negative. I just don't understand it. You don't think and talk like I do, I always try to put the others feelings above my own and I would never say some of the things you do.

Since I will never come back on here I will never read what you have posted in response to this. At this point you are doing more harm than good and I don't need that in my life. So a few of you can go on being critical of the next poster, like you are better than they are, and maybe the next one won't be as strong as me and you will really do them damage.

I caution you not to do this. There are many women in trouble out there and they do not have my strength and intelligence and if you pull this on them they could go out and commit suicide or something. You have to be careful with your words and for God sakes, think before you speak. Jesus. Anyway,I do want to thank Forever for trying to help me and don't worry because I've been through worse than this and made it through.

Chosen, I thank you also although we've had words, or should I say I've had words since you just ignored them. I think things are going to work out with gabby. I believe we will get married and that we will have a sex life again. I've already stated that we've talked about it. I just can't leave a man I love and am still attracted to and I still believe that God will bless this relationship.

Perhaps all of you should stay out of California. We don't like people to talk to us like you do. We are very independent here and don't crumble just because a man has let us down. I am made of stronger stuff. Some of you have helped me in the past but you are no longer doing so. I have a great day and then come on here and get depressed by some of the things you say to me and then act like it was no big deal and i'm just being defensive.

Throughout this whole experience and being on this thread; I have never doubted myself for one minute. I like myself and what I stand for and I would never let a man walk all over me nor would I treat a man differently than I would expect to be treated. Personally, I think some of you need to get a life because all you seem to do is come on here to hear other people's problems and then be self righteous when they confess they might have screwed up.

For the record I do not regret moving in with gabby or loving him outside of marriage. I wasn't ready to be married and as I have said, I was not walking close to God then. I've had 2 divorces, I certainly wasn't going to jump back into the fire pit with out knowing what I was getting into. I'd never lived with a man before marrying him before, and maybe that was the problem because you never know what you're going to get.

Anyway, gabby is still attracted to me and as bad as some of you think our relationship is and what a loser he is; one thing remains. We love each other and this love has lasted through a lot of things in ten years, this is the kind of love that people are looking for, this is the kind that lasts and that you hang onto no matter what happens.

For better or for worse you stay with someone you love. Gabby has treated me better than any man and i've told you that before. This is my last entry and I have to say goodbye. I'm sorry I didn't fit into the little peg in the hole that you wanted me to but i've been thinking for myself since I was ten years old.

I'm beautiful and sexy and intelligent! The world is my oyster!
 
Old 16th December 2011, 05:38 AM   #289
1aokgal
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear Baroness..

I guess I messed up to try to explain about this thread not being diary for anyone, but a forum of discussion.You are very reactive, even with my try to be very tactful. It is not about women here to judge you. If that was my stick, to judge you, I would spend my time elsewhere. I would not have exchanged personal emails or ideas to assist you at all. In fact you can earn some extra funds and enjoy to do the hatmaking because it was my suggestion. Sorry, you feel so misunderstood.

If you started the other thread that would be on topic. That is what several here suggested. The one thread closes..that is all. That puts a thread on topic and allows others to post on the subject. That isn't about ganging up on anyone! It was your thread because you made it all about you, and not for others to talk about their issues on an open discussion forum. That is what was explained.

Maybe that is part of the problem in the relationship, that you may jump to wrong conclusions quickly. Does that mean I think you are all at fault? Good gosh, no. I don't think anyone thinks Gabby is a bad guy either! If a person sided with you, on problems you told us about here, then you say we judge you or dislike him! I said I thought he could be MORE sensitive to the issues.

I think men are like "motor oil" at times about some issues. I guess that is the most supportive thing one could say to you, right? Yet you think that is a condemnation of him. I think we don't agree on communication.

When one chooses to post here it is specifically to invite others opinions. That you heard from different people. Right or wrong, they told you what they thought. Why ask for their opinions if you are so defensive? I thought you had also some fine ideas and thoughts from others and from the nicest intent for you. I'd just say "thanks " and disregard what isn't helpful to you. That is a forum discussion. Some say go, another to stay. It i show each sees the issues.

I will not post here now because it isn't being accepted in the spirit it is offered. I wish you the best.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 16th December 2011 at 06:20 AM.
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Old 16th December 2011, 05:48 AM   #290
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I was unsubscribing to this thread when I read what you wrote. I don't feel misunderstood and I do not jump to conclusions. I am a level headed woman and see things clearly. I am sorry you can't understand what I am trying to say. I don't need people to constantly bring up my faults like chamomile did in the last 2 posts. I do appreciate you taking the time with me regarding the hats and other creative endeavors.

But the picture you paint of me and gabby is way off mark. I do wish you the best however, because you have understood what I have gone through somewhat. I just can't take the ups and downs of this thread anymore and wondering what i'm going to find when I come on here. Chamomiles latest posts have really floored me. She has no right to keep bringing up the fact that I posted when I'm not married when I've already explained it several times.

Goodbye
 
Old 16th December 2011, 09:15 AM   #291
Dave
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Baronness

New thread for conversation with Baronness that ended in lots of heat and not a lot of light.

A pity

Dave
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