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Old 7th April 2016, 05:36 AM   #1
Nicjane
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 1
Thumbs down Carry on forcing the marriage or let it go? Please help

Ok this is long winded an complicated but I need advise from people outside.

We met when I was 17, from the get go he had a girlfriend but after being pushed out by my mother to live in student halls I was quite lost and alone & Young. I carried on seeing him even though I regularly found texts & fb msgs.. He refused to spend Xmas with me and I found out it was because he was with her. I still clung on, he left her for me. Great now he was mine.. Wrong.. I had to move in with him due to my flat mate moving away. This is when I began to find Text messages, he was partying a lot, I found he had gone on dates... I then at Christmas 08 found out I was pregnant(age18)
Great a fresh start!... Wrong! I discovered he was cheating, I spoke to the girl she just laughed & said she was stopping and he denied it all... Again I had very little family or friend support, only him.

I had baby & he carried on partying so I made the decision to move closer to my sister and dad who were 200 miles away, with or without him. One month later he arrived.

From there to now it's been 6years in that time, we got married, with no family of mind there (I still believe it was for visa purposes) he travelled back to our old city & stayed with his side piece 3 times for 3 weeks in total over a year. He walked out numerous times, I begged him back everytime.

I wish I'd told him to go.

Since then the cheating, I think, has stopped, it's been 3years now BUT the nastyness is still there. After my first I put slot of weight on to which he constantly called me fat, one day I'd had enough & began losing weight, he didn't like this and then had a problem with my gym going.

He has no relationship with my family at all, he hates my mother, has only just started talking to my sister, it's very hard!

Things smoothed out & I stupidly thought... Baby no2! So he came into the world... I love them both to bits but it's stressful. I do everything, I get no time to myself! I can't go to the gym because he gets mad everytime so I have resulted in going at 5am. As I'm in good shape now and I want to keep it that way.

He is struggling to find work which Is his excuse for the constant sniping & name calling. We don't laugh together, he is now and always has been uncuddly & unloving and to top that off friends keep popping up with knowledge of previous times he had cheated.

I'm just st my wits end... Our eldest son is low in confidence and I don't want to crush that more by divorcing my husband but I'm only 26 & the last 9 years have been miserable. I know I deserve more but the husband doesn't seem to want to let go.

I don't think he loves me, and if he does, it's not how I want to be loved.

We have no common interest
He hated my friends, he hates any new friends I make
He wants me to cook & clean but then moans about how I cook & clean
He doesn't want me to be fat but then laughs at my healthy eating & gives me the cold shoulder for being at the gym longer than an hour.
He gets up & goes out when he likes but tells me I can't look after the kids properly
He says I'm like a lesbian
I had a beauty treatment done to which he asked "ew what's that on your face"
We used to argue daily but that has now stopped as I'm in a much much more positive place in life.

I think I know what to do but I'm just so stuck & scared!
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Old 7th April 2016, 10:00 AM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Carry on forcing the marriage or let it go? Please help

Sounds like he has already done adultery on you. I think you were wrong to ask him back without any repentance about it. He doesn't sound like a very good husband but you married him. Are you sure he is staying clean now? Really adultery kills a marriage off unless there is sincere repentance. I can't see things lasting as they are unless there is real change. Marriage counselling might be an option but would he be willing?
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