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Old 17th November 2011, 01:58 PM   #1
Miz Krystal
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Can a 14 year old get married?

My 14 year old daughter wants to marry her 21 year old boyfriend. I know she is young but she is very mature for her age and they are a real couple. They live together with me and sleep in the same bed. Her boyfriend has a job and buys things for her. Me and my daughter have a good relationship and I am involved in her life. My daughter is responsible and has been sexually active for nearly two years, she don't get pregnant. Will they make an exception for my daughter to get married if I provide parental consent and tell them how mature she is?

Thank you for your advice.
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Old 17th November 2011, 02:09 PM   #2
Sillyman
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

If you're in the UK it's actually illegal what's happening.

Also, she's only 14 - why would she want to marry at such a young age? Just my take on this, but however mature she may seem, she is not old enough to marry.

The gap between a 21 year old man and 14 year old girl is massive. What happens when she finishes school, maybe goes to university, and wants to go and see the world for herself?

There will not be exceptions - the law allows marriage with consent from 16, not before.

I know you don't want to come across as controlling - but she's 14, a child - and I'd suggest you and her think very hard about what you're suggesting, no matter how mature she may seem.

SM
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Old 18th November 2011, 07:02 PM   #3
Miz Krystal
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

Thanks for your reply Sillyman, you raised some interesting points.

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Originally Posted by Sillyman View Post
she's only 14 - why would she want to marry at such a young age? Just my take on this, but however mature she may seem, she is not old enough to marry.
Why is she not old enough to marry? In the UK 16 year olds are allowed to marry with parental consent, what difference does 2 years make? You do realize that plenty of 'adults' get married and it ends in divorce - age doesn't make a difference.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillyman View Post
The gap between a 21 year old man and 14 year old girl is massive.
Why is the age gap important if they love each other?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillyman View Post
What happens when she finishes school, maybe goes to university, and wants to go and see the world for herself?
I can't control her life. If she wants to do those things she still can, what's the worst that can happen? She gets divorced?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillyman View Post
There will not be exceptions - the law allows marriage with consent from 16, not before.
Why is the law set at 16, what's so magic about that number? Do you realise that the age of consent is 14 in Germany, Italy, Portugal, Austria Spain and Japan? I think the law is arbitrary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillyman View Post
she's 14, a child
She is not a child, she is a young woman. The age of criminal responsibility is 10, there are 14 year olds on our streets carrying knives and selling drugs - should they be sent to bed without any supper? My daughter has adult interests, including sex, because she is biologically a young adult. It's not my fault society extends childhood and has created a generation of irresponsible hooligans.
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Old 18th November 2011, 07:13 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

She is a child and you are being a very irresponsible parent allowing her to live with this grown man under your roof. He is committing child sexual abuse and should be arrested and charged, and his name put on the sex offenders register. Of course they wont make an exception, the law is the law and even at 16 she can only marry with both parents approval. As a mum of three children, I cant believe that any mother could act so irresponsibly.
If the authorities find out what is happening, you too would be arrested because she is still a child and you are allowing a man to have sex with a child under your roof.
Do the right thing and ask him to leave at least until she is 16, and then, if you still think they should marry then they legally can, although quite why any mother would give her consent for her child to marry at 16 I have no idea. Do you want her to have to get divorced before she is 20? Incredible.
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Old 18th November 2011, 07:15 PM   #5
Forever
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

I am thinking that some laws are set based on brain development rather than sexual development. It is a fact that the lobes of the brain which govern mental/emotional maturity develop at different rates...so perhaps the age was set using those facts.

My ex mother in law was married at 14 and had her first child at 15. She is 78 now and though her husband died ten years ago, they never divorced.
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Old 18th November 2011, 07:22 PM   #6
Sillyman
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

Miz,

Notwithstanding your other points, you might want to read this - http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/s...l_intercourse/

Questions raised....
Is your daughter's boyfriend guilty of any crimes?
Are you in giving your agreement?

Just points to consider.

I don't make the laws or am I responsible for the state of society. You asked for an opinion - I gave it.

SM
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Old 18th November 2011, 08:01 PM   #7
Helen_uk
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

Miz,

Even 16 is WAY too young to get married - and I got married at 16.

At 14 , like it or not , your daughter is still a child in the eyes of the law. Why does she need to get married now ? Using your own argument, what difference will waiting 2 years make if she loves him .

Any person over 18 having sex with a child under the age of 16 is automatically guilty of rape in the UK if caught . The law considers that a child under 16 is incapable of giving consent for sex.

As her mother by allowing it to happen you could also be prosecuted and risk your daughter being taken off you and put into care. Regardless of whether you consider your child old enough to have sex, the law does not. The laws are there to protect your daughter.

As for saying what's the worst that can happen . Divorce is not something to be taken lightly .
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Old 18th November 2011, 08:15 PM   #8
Miz Krystal
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
She is a child and you are being a very irresponsible parent allowing her to live with this grown man under your roof.
HOW DARE YOU CALL ME IRRESPONSIBLE.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
He is committing child sexual abuse and should be arrested and charged,
He is a lovely young man. He is a good person. He hasn't hurt no one - why should he be put in jail for a victimless crime?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
the law is the law and even at 16 she can only marry with both parents approval.
16 is 2 years more than 14, like it makes a difference. And so what about the law? It used to be against the law to be gay, or in nazi Germany to be a Jew! Laws aren't always right.


Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
If the authorities find out what is happening, you too would be arrested because she is still a child and you are allowing a man to have sex with a child under your roof.
She aint no child. On my street 14 year olds sell drugs, are they 'childs'? I don't think so, they are young adults that's why the age of criminal responsibility is 10.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
Do the right thing and ask him to leave at least until she is 16
As if 2 years makes a difference! You dont know my daughter!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_uk View Post
Miz,

Any person over 18 having sex with a child under the age of 16 is automatically guilty of rape in the UK if caught . The law considers that a child under 16 is incapable of giving consent for sex.
Then the law is ridiculous. As if people over 16 can't be taken advantage of, but people under 16 will always be traumatized. If sex with a girl under 16 is harmful why is it legal in some countries?! Obviously it don't do no harm, the law is based in lies.
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Old 18th November 2011, 08:22 PM   #9
Sillyman
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

Miz,

Whether you agree with it or not - it IS the law. He has broken that law, and so have you for abetting it.

Rant all you want about laws in other countries.

If you believe in what you say, go along to the register office and ask their advice, or maybe the police.

And sit and wait for the police or social services to drop in on you.

SM
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Old 18th November 2011, 08:23 PM   #10
Miz Krystal
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillyman View Post
Miz,

Whether you agree with it or not - it IS the law. He has broken that law, and so have you for abetting it.

Rant all you want about laws in other countries.

If you believe in what you say, go along to the register office and ask their advice, or maybe the police.

And sit and wait for the police or social services to drop in on you.

SM

So you obey the law regardless of if it's fair? If you lived in Nazi Germany would you send Jews to the death camps?

Your a monster.
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Old 18th November 2011, 08:32 PM   #11
Sillyman
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

Miz,

It's hardly the same, is it?

Sending millions to their deaths is one thing - but condoning a man having sex with a minor is another.

Think of this. If this was discovered your daughter's bf would be hauled before the courts and could be charged with rape and very possible be branded a paedophile. He could be jailed, and we know what happens to people convicted of such crimes in prison. His name would very possibly be all over the paper.

Your daughter would be spared publicity as a victim of a sexual crime - which is also a law in this country, whether you agree with it or not.

As I said in my first post - you need to think very carefully about what you're suggesting - from a legal, practical and sensible viewpoint.

But I suppose it's up to you - you're obviously a very sensible person and can consider all the options.

SM
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Old 18th November 2011, 08:40 PM   #12
Helen_uk
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

That maybe so Miz and maybe your daughter or in fact lots of children are more mature than others . But the law is there to protect those that aren't and it has to draw a line somewhere .

The law is there to protect children, like it or not . Whether you approve of it, agree with it or not you're still risking losing your daughter by flouting it and that's a fact . Her boyfriend is risking serving time for rape , again agree or disagree that's a fact .


As Silly man says though, she's your daughter and it's not us taking the risk so it's a decision only you can make . In the UK a person can't be legally married until the age of 16 with parental consent, or 18 without it.
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Old 18th November 2011, 08:49 PM   #13
Forever
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

Your original question has been answered according to the law...what else is being spoken of here is a matter of opinions which do not count in the eyes of the law. If you cannot agree with the law as it is, you would have to take it up with those in power...which means you will have years of fighting and waiting and it still wont be changed to suit your situation. Getting our opinion wont help your daughter to get married.

What's the big hurry?
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Old 18th November 2011, 09:10 PM   #14
chosen
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

Also you said that she has been having sex since she was 12, so basically she has been having sex with phedophiles who like young girls. 12 is not even a teenager, it is a child and children need to be protected from parents and other adults who think it is perfectly oK for children to have sex with adults.
Do you want this guy to be branded a rapist or child sex abuser and put on the sex offenders register? Do you want your daughter to be taken into care?Do you want to be arrested for allowing child sex abuse in your own home to your own daughter? If you dont then you had better do something about it.
I thank God for the laws of civilised countries who want to protect childrens innocence. Your daughter is a child, she has the rest of her life to get married and have children. She needs to be a child, to be protected, to get a good education and maybe go to college. She does not need to be shacked up with a man of 21, breaking the law, and to marry at a stupidly young age and probably be divorced within a very short time. Have you any idea of the failure rate for teenage marriages? Divorce is a big deal believe me, and marrige is SERIOUS stuff.

You have to obey the law like everyone else and maybe you need to go and live elsewhere if you dont agree with the laws. They are there for a very good reason.
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Old 18th November 2011, 09:48 PM   #15
Daisy
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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?

You are a very irresponsible and ignorant mother in my opinion, as well as a criminal. I can't believe anyone could post such a ridiculous argument unless this is some kind of sick joke?
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