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Old 7th August 2015, 01:53 PM   #1
flora
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1
What should I do?

Hi, 8 months ago I found out my husband had a child with another woman albeit he was not aware of this. The child is now an adult and although they have met she has ignored all his texts and calls to meet again. This child was born 18 months after we got married. Whilst I suspect there have been other lovers my husband continually declares his love for me and is a bit of a broken man at the moment. He has broken down a few times and says he just feels numb. Whilst I am broken too and consider this to be the ultimate betrayal I do not want to leave although I continuously talk about it even although he just keeps saying sorry but won't tell me anything. It's our silver wedding anniversary next year and how can we possibly celebrate. Ironically I also worry about this girl, whose mother is dead. I also know that she has to be included in my husband's will albeit other than close friends nobody knows about her or exactly where she lives. Would God accept my decision to stay married to my husband. I am so confused.

Last edited by flora; 7th August 2015 at 02:02 PM.
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Old 8th August 2015, 07:25 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: What should I do?

I think you aré free to stay or go, but how can you trust him? Unless he is completely honest with you about this affair and any others he may have had , then how can it work? He has betrayed you, has lied to you and deceived you for the whole marriage, he has broken the promises he made straight away, and destroyed the marriage covenant.

Restoration requires complete repentance, honesty and openness. You may find it useful to set conditions for the marriage to carry on, such as him to tell you everything(how can you possibly make a decision if you dont know what went on?), complete openness with his phone and computer, a change in his life style that has enabled him to meet other women and have affairs, and an agreement to have some good long term marriage counseling.
You may find it useful to have a separation while you pray and wait to see what sort of effort he will put into the marriage, and what changes he is prepared to make.

if you are both believers,(and I have to doubt his faith if he can cheat so easily) then I would say that he needs to be challenged by the pastor or elders in the church, and be accountable to them for the future.

IF he refuses to make any effort to tell you what happened or work on restoring your shattered trust, then he isnt worth it to be honest, and can you honestly trust him not to do it again?

As for the adult child its her decision whether she sees him again or not. She may not have any respect from him for cheating on you with her mother and then ignoring her for her whole life(and he may well be lying to you about not knowing about her as well how can you possibly know if he is telling the truth or not?

To be honest I couldnt trust after 25 years of being lied to and betrayed, and I would rather be alone than with a man who treated me with such distain and disrespect. Its easy to say you love someone, but if you love them you dont treat them so terribly.
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