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Old 17th June 2013, 03:50 AM   #1
Christineb
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1
Need some advice please...

I am married for 3 years now been together 8! We both have two kids a peice from previous relationship and we have none together. First thing that makes me sad is we never got to experience having a child together, which in a way doesnt make me feel like we have a complete family and it makes me jealous that my husband experienced it with 2 different women and never once experienced it with me. His sons mother is awful and purposely does things to piss me off! My husband just ignores it and doesnt let it get to him, while on the other hand I am fuming and not understanding why she just cant leave us alone and worry about her own husband and her own life. She constantly harrasses me behind my husbands back and then acts all sweet and innocent infront if him whenever we see her and I can't stand that either. i am so so so sad, mad, frustrated, hurt and all kinds of emotions, and i don't know what to do. I automatically get pissed off at my husband and give him the cold shoulder and i know that isnt right and it isnt his fault, but I dont know what else to do! Please someone give me some advice so i don't end up going through a divorce and leaving someone that means the world to me. I need to know how to deal with all this and how to stop giving him a attitude and cold shoulder...
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Old 17th June 2013, 09:25 AM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Need some advice please...

First thing you need to deal with is this jealousy of his previous fathering with the other women. There is nothing you can do about that and you need to make a choice not to be jealous. It is not getting you anywhere. Fatherhood is much more than just planting a seed.

Regarding this hassle from one of his exes. Why is she in the house when he is married to you? I know that she is the mother of one of the children but how does this give her inroads into your life? Does her child live with her or you or both?
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Old 17th June 2013, 09:59 AM   #3
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Need some advice please...

Christine

I am married for the second time as is my husband. He has 2 children form his first marriage, and I have three from mine. All are adults now. We didnt marry till our late 40's and were way past wanting any more children. I am not bothered at all that we didn't have kids together,it make no difference to me as we are definately a family. He is a very good step dad to my 3 children(all left home years ago), in fact he has a far better relationhsip with them than with his own children(largely due to their mothers influence)

As for the other wife, why are you even seeing her? Why are you having any contact with her at all? The ONLY contact that either of should be having is when the children are being collected or dropped off for contact, or any problems with the children.

Sadly when there are several ex partners and children from them, there can be lots of problems. My husbands ex caused problems, but because their children were by then aged 18 and 21, my husband was able to tell her that there would be no contact unless it was a emergency involving the boys, (bearing in mind that it was she who cheated and divorced him, yet she couldnt let him go it seemed.)

I would suggest some good marriage counselling so that you can both set boundaries for contact and what you will both permit in reference to the behaviour of his ex.
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