Re: How Do I get my Wife Back.
I have tons of advice I can share and perhaps it might help if you answer some other questions along the way. Usually, when affairs are out in the open, they tend to fizzle. If that is not the case, something else is probably there. I dont mean to alarm you, but if you weren't there for her emotionally when she needed you, she may have built up those walls around her heart.
You need to examine the aspects of your relationship that may have caused her to look elsewhere for comfort. Now, I know other people here will tell you, its her fault for the affair. Yes 100% true she is at fault for having an affair, but you both are 100% at fault for the breakdown in your marriage. Now if you can look at your part and what could you have done better it may provide you some clues on how to win her back (if at all possible).
The first thing that you need to realize is that she must be seeing this other guy frequently enough for her to leave your marriage behind. You mentioned you are doing 100% of the work to keep your marriage together. This part is going to hurt. Your relationship as it stands is over. The only thing that you can do now is either start a new one with your wife (based on communication, love and trust) or a new one with someone else. Working 100% on your marriage is actually the wrong thing to do. Especially when you are the only one doing it. Simple math 1x0=0. She's not working on the relationship with you. She's working on her new relationship.
Sometimes we need to see the hard facts before we can start doing things about the situation. In your case, you truly need to work on you. Work on the garden only if you want to and it makes you feel better. Don't do it to win her heart back. Everything you do for the next couple of weeks should be done for your kids and for you. If your wife sees some benefit to your activities, so be it.
Next, every opportunity to meet her is an opportunity for you to work. Be Smart. Be clean. Smell your best. Lie to yourself if you have to. Be happy. Remember, they are your children too. One thing is for certain, you and your wife will always have a relationship. It may not one your willing to have but she will be in your life.
Don't go all melty man on your wife. Grovelling is not attractive to women. Almost any woman likes a strong confident man. Strong can be mental or emotional. Also, this sounds a little bizzare, but you need to do things almost the opposite of what you were doing prior to the separation. Why you ask? those things weren't working. As Albert Einstein said "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Now for my questions:
Is this other guy married? are you the only who knows of the affair? Also, talk to an attorney. Vitally important. You want to protect yourself, If she just got up and left, who knows what else she is capable of doing.
Why all the negativity from me? I have been through this before. I made it through alive with a stronger marriage. I wont ever forget what happened but I have certainly learned to forgive. You need to realize this decision wasn't made overnight. It was probably on her mind for sometime. My wife kept it inside her for 6 month before we separated. That was even before I found out about the affair.
Keep posting on here.
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