Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 9th June 2013, 03:31 PM   #1
Amazonfestie
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Advice please

Long story, but my ex-girlfriend, whom I still love, has met someone new and got engaged within TWO months of knowing someome. 2 months isn't enough time to get to know someone, much less get engaged!! She says she's happy, but if course it's still well within the "honeymoon period". Although she downplays it, I know there's still something between us. I wish she would come to her senses. Would should I do?
  Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2013, 04:13 PM   #2
1aokgal
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Advice please

Dear Amazonfestie...

You lost the battle, she moved on. Respect her wishes and stay clear. If she has made an error with this engagement, it will work itself out. It would be inappropriate for you to pursue when she has clearly made a life decision. Don't assume you know her feelings because if it was right, you would still be together.

Meet others and keep the good memories. We all have those we spend time with before we meet "the one." Two months might not seem a lot of time but often one knows when it is right. I met my husband, married him on the 25th day. We are together 33 years. It is as much a right decision today as it was all those years ago.

There are other fish in the sea. Polish up your dating skills and go forward!
1aokgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2013, 05:00 PM   #3
Amazonfestie
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice please

Thanks. I all actuality maybe I didn't lose the battle. Maybe I won! The beginning of the end of our relationship was when I found out she cheated on me (ans lied). She is a sex addict and really I am better than her. Now, I don't have the stress of always wondering.. This new person has that stress!
  Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2013, 05:49 PM   #4
1aokgal
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Advice please

There you go! The universe took care for you and maybe that "special one" is out there just waiting for the "right one" to come along. Often "the one that got away" would have made us miserable! Just hold some good memories and wish her well in your heart. Anger is a very negative emotion for your healing and keeps one from forming attachment to a new person. , Don't make the mistake of talking a lot about your Ex-girlfriend when you meet a new person.

Concentrate on the new friendship and allow that to develop into something special.
1aokgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2013, 06:34 PM   #5
Amazonfestie
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice please

You're right. Maybe the universe is protecting me. All I know is, after I found out about he cheating, I thought to myself, there's no way I can stay with this woman, although I guess my loneliness prevented me from pulling away. Even in the last couple of days, she was spoken to me in a sexual manner. I see now how serious she is about this engagemt. In a strange sorta way, I feel sorry for the new guy. I know the tide will turn. It's just so not poetic justice that I was the good person, and she was the bad and she ends up happy and I end up at home crying!!
  Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2013, 10:22 PM   #6
1aokgal
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Advice please

Dear Amazonfestie...

Dear, you should NOT be sitting home alone crying! Listen, you had a near miss to messing up your life! You should celebrate that things resolved as they have. I believe there is a destiny for you out there that will bring you happiness and you can reach your best potential.

Listen, now you have distractions removed, how about putting a success plan in place for yourself? Take a few days to get out ..do a day hike, see the beauty around you, get some fresh air. You could think about return to training you want to get, or making progress on the job, or put a plan to some self improvement.

Sign up at a gym, touch base with family or take a few days trip somewhere of interest. Go buy a set of earphones w/music to wear while you walk. She ends up happy? Well, let's hope she is not in your vicinity, so you can move on and straighten some head tricks that might pull you down.

Maybe your relationship was a rehearsal for the big event that is yet to come!
Get rid of negative thoughts and do mental house cleaning. Sometimes we would not recognize a real good person who comes along until we had a negative one and make comparisons. Trust that the Infinite God has a plan for you.
1aokgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th June 2013, 02:12 AM   #7
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,767
Re: Advice please

I think you have had a lucky escape. A sex addict who cheats is a disastrous marriage partner. If she is engaged and still speaking to you in sexual manner, that shows she has no integrity or morals. Cut off all contact.
However, that aside, you can know if a person is 'the one' in a short time. I knew my husband was the one for me in a few days.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th June 2013, 12:29 AM   #8
Amazonfestie
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice please

Thank you, Chosen. Maybe I did have a lucky escape. It was highly stressful, always wondering if she was cheating or lying. I do, however, respectfully disagree about the quick engagement. I think it's great that ours worked out, and I do know that the rushed thing does work for a rare few. I think that situation is definitely the exception and not the rule. One possibly cannot adequately know someone well within a 2 or 3 month time period. Everything and your gf or bf can do no wrong within the honeymoon stage. Therefore, if you're seeing that person only as you want to see him or her, how in he world can you TRULY love that person????
  Reply With Quote
Old 19th June 2013, 02:16 AM   #9
1aokgal
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Advice please

One never knows how destiny plays out. I do think we can know when love is "right." My brother married a girl he knew 3 days. He just got out of the Marines as a young man and stopped in Nebraska on a flight layover to visit with our grandmother for a few days. He met a girl who worked as a secretary there who was raised on an Iowa farm. She was 18 and he was 22 at the time. He married her after 3 days together and brought her back home with him to Va.

That was in 1956. They are married 57 years. I met my husband and married him on the 25th day. We are together 33 years. If all the other things fall into place as similar beliefs/religion, background, and goals for the future, time is irrevelent. One has to be willing to do all the things necessary to make love survive. I know another relative who knew his wife 7 years before they married, and the marriage didn't last.

Now if one goes to an AA ward, a jail, or a mental ward to find a partner, obviously that stacks the deck against any real success in a relationship. If one knows that the other person lies and cheats, then those are character issues that will never be "fixed." The best way to know about another is to find out about their history. It is true that most people are happier with someone most like themselves. Like attracts like. If we are not alike, we may think we need to change that person. Changing another person is a fast road to miserable. That is what I found along the way.

When a relationship/marriage fails we have to carry our own baggage. We must analyze what part our own shortcomings may have brough to the mix. Did we know someone had these problems, yet marched in and hoped they would go away "change for us?" Sometimes we have to trust in the Universe, don't we?

Last edited by 1aokgal; 19th June 2013 at 06:06 AM.
1aokgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th June 2013, 09:53 AM   #10
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,767
Re: Advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amazonfestie View Post
Thank you, Chosen. Maybe I did have a lucky escape. It was highly stressful, always wondering if she was cheating or lying. I do, however, respectfully disagree about the quick engagement. I think it's great that ours worked out, and I do know that the rushed thing does work for a rare few. I think that situation is definitely the exception and not the rule. One possibly cannot adequately know someone well within a 2 or 3 month time period. Everything and your gf or bf can do no wrong within the honeymoon stage. Therefore, if you're seeing that person only as you want to see him or her, how in he world can you TRULY love that person????
I think that for me as a Christian, I had asked God for certain things in a husband, and when I met my husband(on line)he had them all. I just knew inside even before we met, that he was the right one. He asked me to marry him after 3 weeks. My son also met his wife on line. He is also a Christian. He is a very good looking guy and had 30 women contact him. His now wife was the first and even though she wasnt the nearest distance wise, he just knew she was right. By their second date they were talking about how many children they wanted!They didnt marry for 2 1/2 years because she was doing a degree as a mature student and needed to finish that first and get a job so they could afford somewhere to live.

I think it also depends on your ages. Young people change so much in the late teens and 20's, but I was in my 40's when I met my husband and my son was 29 when he met his wife(she was 25).
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th June 2013, 10:40 PM   #11
1aokgal
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Advice please

Chosen..

Just as you wanted certain things in a husband I had a priority list of what was most important to me in a mate. I also knew what traits would be intolerable and unacceptabe. There was no sliding in that particular area of the unacceptable. These issues would fall in the range of a drinker, player, liar, cheater or someone with profound character defects and how you know this is knowing the history. Most don't deviate far from the past and how they conduct themselves.

Like you, I was 40, so I had experienced in the negatives. I met enough men to be a reasonable judge of character. I had a profound belief that God wanted me to find happiness and had acceptance that the Universe provides guidance in such matters. There is a kind of magic in how humans love and I am a naaive believer in the destiny of attraction. When one becomes cynical and suspicious, there is little possibility to attract love. So my advice for someone who seeks love would be to work out the negative parts of that past relationships. One has to be open to experience and not closed down. One has to be able to trust the emotions that come with loving another.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 20th June 2013 at 02:40 AM.
1aokgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st June 2013, 07:28 PM   #12
Amazonfestie
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Advice please

I have accepted that this woman isn't right for me, mostly because of the lying and cheating and general instability. I do, however, have trouble with rejection. I'm a very nice and accommodating person and the fact that she is completely blowing me off hurts very deeply. Of course, there is the very real possibility that she will contact me when this reationship blows over (she has before). I'm so worried about how I'll hande that. It's s scary.
  Reply With Quote
Old 21st June 2013, 08:44 PM   #13
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,767
Re: Advice please

You need to stay away from her.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd June 2013, 07:08 AM   #14
1aokgal
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Advice please

You are willing to "make do" with a relationship with a woman who obviously has terrible character and morals to avoid the pain of being alone. When one is alone for a time, there is the chance to develop your abilities and talents, so when the right one does come along you have something to offer.

You need to work on that "not handling rejection" well. That is ego gone awry. You need to look closely and honestly at what possibility that relationship would have with a lover or wife who cannopt be trusted.
1aokgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 04:47 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright 1999-2017 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer