Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 19th October 2009, 02:01 AM   #1
Manticore
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Opinions on Engagement

Hi there,

I notice a lot of the advice on here has been about current marriages, this is slightly different.

I'm 21, and have a girlfriend of 19, have been together 3 years now but we are so close, if someone were to tell me exactly how we'd feel for each other on the day I met her, I'd never have believed them.

We are both studying seperately, about 40 minutes apart, which isn't that bad. However next year we are thinking of moving in together to continue her studying and for me to work.

My question is, am I too young to get engaged? I feel like I almost shouldn't be getting engaged, not for my own reasons, but because of what other people will think of me! In that they might just think I'm moving too quick or making a rash decision that I haven't thought through.

I have suffered from anxiety in the past, and this is maybe something stopping me talking to my parents about it. I'm afraid of what they might say.

I had heard about a 'promise' you can make, involving a ring, that you will one day ask your boyfriend/girlfriend to marry you. I quite like the idea but I'm not sure if I were to do that, how long I could leave it before asking.

I've also debated getting engaged and keeping it on the low until I was confident enough to come out with it, and even then only saying that we had only just got engaged.

What are everyone's thoughts on this? I would like to hear them.

Thanks
  Reply With Quote
Old 19th October 2009, 11:42 AM   #2
Manticore
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Opinions on Engagement

Just realised maybe this should be in the advice section!
  Reply With Quote
Old 21st October 2009, 12:56 PM   #3
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,401
Re: Opinions on Engagement

Manticore I give you my personal opinion only.

If you ask a girl to marry you and she says yes you are engaged to be married to her. It's traditional in the west to have an engagement ring but that is by the by.

I don't think it is wise to move in with her until you are married. That is my personal view as a christian.

If you do ask her to be married to you and she says yes it is wise to be open to both sets of your parents. When the marriage actually takes place is up to you both, so there is no rush.

Raymond
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd October 2009, 01:01 PM   #4
Manticore
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Opinions on Engagement

Thanks Raymond, the moving in would have been some time next august at some point, before the next year at university starts up. We are both at the same uni you see.

I would have asked her to marry me, and thus getting engaged, next June-time, so we'd be engaged when we moved in. It's just way more logical to move in with each other (in rented accomodation) as we are engaged, than be tied into other houses with other students for the next 2 years...

Being Agnostic (hope I don't get shot down for that!) I believe the time for moving in together is only right when you feel deep down it is.

Having children however is slightly different, I don't think I could have a family without being married first.

Thanks for your views and opinions
  Reply With Quote
Old 23rd February 2010, 08:22 PM   #5
lisa3159
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Opinions on Engagement

Don't worry about what others may think. If you feel you and she are mature enough to handle marriage, then I think it's fine for you to get engaged. Then, make sure you educate yourselves about making a strong marriage and developing healthy relationship habits between the two of you. This will give you a step up on when it's finally the day to say "I do."
  Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2010, 04:14 AM   #6
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,770
Re: Opinions on Engagement

You seem to unsure about whether you are ready for this committment so therefore I would say that you arent ready.If you arent ready to consider marriage then there is no point in getting engaged. As for keeping it secret!!!!! Do you want her to think that you arent proud to be engaged to her?
I would also think carefully about living together. If you arent ready for marriage then how is it that are you ready to set up home together?
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st November 2013, 05:15 PM   #7
LibraLady
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 89
Re: Opinions on Engagement

Well, Im not trying to be a Debbie Downer, BUT. I cant even fathom such young people being able to understand the seriousness of getting married. Im sure some are mature enough to do so, but MANY are NOT. At your age, you are NOT the person you will be when you turn, say, 30. And the same goes for her.

Take time to grow, learn yourself and experience life. Dont jump the broom then, think you can backslide because you feel like you are missing out on life. Take your time.

I wished someone would have told me this very same thing when I first married at 25, only to be divorced at 27. I am NOT the woman I was when I was your age or even 25. I had alot of growing to do.
LibraLady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th November 2013, 01:47 AM   #8
1aokgal
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Opinions on Engagement

An engagement is not a license to take up housekeeping together. Statistics say most couple who cohabit prior to marriage do NOT end up getting married. Respect and love her enough to save that playing house.

You are afraid to talk to your parents about a major life decision? Do they hold the purse strings on your education or for life out of their home? If that is true, you ARE too young for marriage until you support yourself. One half marriages fail in todays' world. Forever is a very long time starting at your age.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 26th November 2013 at 05:19 AM.
1aokgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th November 2013, 11:07 AM   #9
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,770
Re: Opinions on Engagement

Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraLady View Post
Well, Im not trying to be a Debbie Downer, BUT. I cant even fathom such young people being able to understand the seriousness of getting married. Im sure some are mature enough to do so, but MANY are NOT. At your age, you are NOT the person you will be when you turn, say, 30. And the same goes for her.

Take time to grow, learn yourself and experience life. Dont jump the broom then, think you can backslide because you feel like you are missing out on life. Take your time.

I wished someone would have told me this very same thing when I first married at 25, only to be divorced at 27. I am NOT the woman I was when I was your age or even 25. I had alot of growing to do.
The thing is that we change all through our lives, so I am not sure when we would get married! My two closest friend when I was around that age both married at age 19, and both are still happily married 38 years later.
However in this case with the OP they are not independent and are still studying. When I married at 19, we were both working full time, we bought our first place at 20 and had our first child at 21. Today most dont marry till about 10 years later that that now.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th December 2013, 06:25 PM   #10
LibraLady
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 89
Re: Opinions on Engagement

Chosen, you and your friends have been very blessed with long marriages..

I pray these two go to pre-marital counseling........ and save their money up.
LibraLady is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 06:34 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright 1999-2017 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer