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Old 10th May 2010, 01:02 PM   #1
Froggy
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I need help

Hey everyone. My names "George", I'm in the u.s. military stationed somewhere in a distant land. I'm in a very beautiful relationship, I love her with my whole heart. She lives back in America though. In about 5 months I'm going to marry her and I need some small tips and info because I'm thoroughly confused on some traditions and customs.

First of all, do women usually wear an engagement ring even after they're married? if not im not buying one, because we'll be engaged for like a month when I go home on leave. I'd probably get her something that she could wear for years like a necklace or ear rings.

Okay and another tradition, when engaged you put the ring on the ring finger of the right hand correct? what about the wedding ring, and it goes in a certain order right, wedding then engagement? OMG so confusing!!! ha ha

I'm a kinda guy to just roll with the punches but when it comes to this I don't want to mess it up with her. I love her so much, she's the most important thing in my life so some help would be awesome!!! thanks ha ha
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Old 11th May 2010, 07:48 AM   #2
Raymond
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Re: I need help

The main thing is that you love her Froggy. I believe the engagement ring goes on the same finger as what the wedding ring will i.e. left hand left of the middle looking at the back of your hand. Engagement rings are not normally worn regularly after marriage although some like to wear them sometimes on special occasions. I'm sure that if you discuss this with her you can probably both decide that it might be a waste to buy one. Give her a nice necklace or earrings instead. Theres room for being different. If you have asked her to marry you already and she has said yes then you are already engaged to be married.

My wife's up in a minute and she can confirm these things.

I hope the wedding and honeymoon go really well.

Raymond
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Old 11th May 2010, 08:21 AM   #3
Raymond
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Re: I need help

My wife confirms what I said George. She mentioned that you could get a cheapy engagement ring just for traditions sake.

By the way what I've said is how it happens in England as we are English. There might be slight differences in the States?

One of the secrets to a long and happy marriage is honouring the vows. If you are both faithful to each other you can overcome everything no matter what your faults are and you will both have them, as well as your good points of course.

Raymond
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Old 11th May 2010, 09:51 AM   #4
Froggy
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Re: I need help

Thanks for the help bro. We already talked about it and agreed but not formally. I'd like it to be more professional. Ya I'm probly gunna stick to a really nice necklace of some sort.
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Old 11th May 2010, 12:37 PM   #5
Raymond
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Re: I need help

Congratulations on your engagement then and I hope she likes the necklace and the formal celebration.

Raymond
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Old 12th May 2010, 04:07 AM   #6
j92cool
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Re: I need help

Hi Froggy

I am not sure if traditions are different in certain countries but in Australia women wear the engagement ring with our wedding ring everyday not just on special occasions. It would be such a waste to have a beautiful ring and not wear it. We wear our engagement ring & wedding ring on our left hand on the finger closest to the little finger.

You both sound truely blessed to find each other. Wishing you all the best.

Janine
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Old 14th May 2010, 05:24 PM   #7
huskypup
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Re: I need help

Hi

My husband is also military and is also in a far off distant land xx I wear my engagement ring and my wedding ring all the time - I also have an eternity ring , mine all fit snuggly into each other. My husband bought my matching earing and necklace as a wedding present - he gave them to me as a surprise the night before we married so I could wear them on the day, on our honeymoon he gave me the matching bracelet, then..... on the way back home he told me he had bought me DOG!!! - yes a huskypup - who says romance is dead.
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Old 26th May 2010, 03:03 AM   #8
HarryMartin
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Re: I need help

First Congratulations on your engagement, these are minor issues( not issue infact if you don't make them issue).Main focus must be how much you trust your partner i think trust is the key factor for success of any relation.
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Old 28th January 2014, 07:09 AM   #9
chocolate7
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Re: I need help

One of the secrets to a long and happy marriage is honouring the vows. If you are both faithful to each other you can overcome everything no matter what your faults are and you will both have them, as well as your good points of course.
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Old 28th January 2014, 12:41 PM   #10
Raymond
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Re: I need help

I agree with that.
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Old 30th January 2014, 01:15 AM   #11
1aokgal
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Re: I need help

Hi Froggy...

In the states the engagement rink is generally worn as a set of two rings, bought together. She gets the engagement ring to wear until the wedding. If she is expecting an engagement ring, for sure, don't buy a necklace! The rings often have a coupling to hold them together. In some lovely sets, the engagement ring with the bigger diamond has the matching wedding ring with a curving area that fits around the first ring. The engagement ring is a "promise", and a commitment to the future.

If the man breaks the engagement, legally she is entitled to keep the ring. If SHE breaks the engagement, she is obliged to return the ring, or (make good on the purchase price), so says the law. The engagement ring should be an investment that is sensible and not beyond means. There are payment plans to afford to buy nice ring and not a "cheap" one. In the military the PX stores on base sell really nice diamond rings with discounts to servicemen.

I have a beautiful ring with diamond baguettes my husband and I selected together which I have worn for 34 years. He joked years back that was the Volvo he wanted to buy and put instead some of the money in my ring. The engagement ring is a symbol for the future. It is good if the ring is selected together or meets her desired style. Then some prefer just gold wedding bands. Good luck on future.
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Old 30th January 2014, 10:04 PM   #12
chosen
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Re: I need help

Quote:
Originally Posted by huskypup View Post
Hi

My husband is also military and is also in a far off distant land xx I wear my engagement ring and my wedding ring all the time - I also have an eternity ring , mine all fit snuggly into each other. My husband bought my matching earing and necklace as a wedding present - he gave them to me as a surprise the night before we married so I could wear them on the day, on our honeymoon he gave me the matching bracelet, then..... on the way back home he told me he had bought me DOG!!! - yes a huskypup - who says romance is dead.
I would rather have a dog that jewellery any day. I am not one for luxury items, they don't interest me at all, but I adore dogs
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Old 10th February 2014, 01:41 AM   #13
1aokgal
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Re: I need help

I adore my little dog AND my luxery items. Diamonds last forever and nice rings often outlast the marriage. I remember 30 years ago I pawned my rings for needs. Years later, that never happened again. I remember and always appreciate beautiful items of value. When I am gone, these valuables go to my daughter and granddaughter. They can sell them or keep them.

Huskypup, enjoy your lovely things your husband gave you. I am a saver, who cuts corners and we buy little on credit, as we hate debt. We are debt free and work hard at making sensible decisions on how we live. Money problems bury many marriages. I did buy a fabulous diamond ring this year. We work hard and seldom take vacation time. I enjoy this ring every time I look at it. There were a lot of years scrimping along so we appreciate what we have today. If I had to choose between my sweet little dog OR the ring though...I'd take the dog every time.
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Old 10th February 2014, 04:44 AM   #14
chosen
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Re: I need help

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
I adore my little dog AND my luxery items. Diamonds last forever and nice rings often outlast the marriage. I remember 30 years ago I pawned my rings for needs. Years later, that never happened again. I remember and always appreciate beautiful items of value. When I am gone, these valuables go to my daughter and granddaughter. They can sell them or keep them.

Huskypup, enjoy your lovely things your husband gave you. I am a saver, who cuts corners and we buy little on credit, as we hate debt. We are debt free and work hard at making sensible decisions on how we live. Money problems bury many marriages. I did buy a fabulous diamond ring this year. We work hard and seldom take vacation time. I enjoy this ring every time I look at it. There were a lot of years scrimping along so we appreciate what we have today. If I had to choose between my sweet little dog OR the ring though...I'd take the dog every time.
I am not one for things though and never have been. I have no interest in luxury cars or jewellery or expensive items or expensive holidays, and my husband is the same, we are both very content with the simple things of life. Even if we suddenly got a fortune I still wouldn't buy jewellery or expensive cars or such things because they just don't interest me. To me a car is to get from A to B, and that's it. A ring to me is just a ring whether it costs 100 or 100,000. I cant tell the difference anyway. Just as I cant tell the difference between a 30 watch and a 1000 watch. After all they are only for telling the time, just as a car is for getting us somewhere, so I am not sure what the point is of spending a lot on them.

Things pass away and we cant take them with us when we die. However I love to give, so that's what I would do more of if I was very rich, especially to animal charities and friends and family or others I hear about who need help. I LOVE to buy things for people. People and animals are what matter to me. My son tells me I have the gift of giving, well I may have because I love to do it.
Its amazing actually how little you can very happily live on. I am very content to pay my bills and not be in debt. That to me is such a blessing. I could never justify living a luxury lifestyle with so many in need around me, even if it was what I desired.

I look at lottery winners and the way they buy enormous houses that are far far too large for their needs, and several cars(you cant drive more than one at a time!) and boats and other luxury things, and I think, why do you do that? I just don't get it, and may say years later that they were happier before, which goes to show that money cant buy happiness or contentment or peace or true joy.

Marriages that end because of financial problems were probably not strong ones. A strong marriage can survive far more than that.

Last edited by chosen; 10th February 2014 at 10:01 AM.
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Old 10th February 2014, 07:25 PM   #15
1aokgal
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Re: I need help

We are all individuals with value systems and beliefs. I think more marriages hit the skids from financial problems than infidelity. That is why a couple has to be attuned in how they both handle money. Couples should understand that a stable life together depends on sound money management.

I am glad we could do nice things for my daughter/family that improves her life. She is a hard worker who owns her home and she manages pretty smart on her salary. We gifted her above that to get lovely brick mantle gas fireplace. That improves the warmth and coziness of her place. She has a 2nd floor and it was colder inside without two heating systems, as we have here. That was best thing we could do for her. We delayed some redo on our home for future time.

I think as you do, it is good if one can contribute to some charitable causes and I do regularly to several. One is a wonderful pet shelter here. This place does an amazing job to take abused, abandoned pets and get them adopted. The place is so clean, it is a model of fine animal care. I visited there a couple years ago and put that place into our budget. They have space for only small animals.

Many of the dogs are pedigreed, yet they are often in such sad states and need considerable VET care before adoption. I got my own little Pekinese there. He is so sweet, adorable little guy and now he is so happy. I can't understand ill treated animals! I take Dipper to daycare ..like kid care, once or twice a week for half days. That is the time I run my errands and grocery shop. No little kids! Funny to see him play with other little dogs when we pick him up. We get his report card at day end and laugh about that. The dogs even get an ice cream treat for extra cost, of course. Yes, it is an industry that does well in US. In the states we have a lot of dog parks and care centers. I guess they say we are the country with the most pets.

I remember some real lean years in our early married times. It takes a strong work ethic in todays' world to build a secure life. We don't plan to spend our later years trying to survive on Social Security income so we save today for tomorrow, as everyone should plan to do. Tomorrow will come and if you blow it all away today, old age will be bleak. As the bible says, there is a season for everything. When people go through hard times they appreciate more to build security and safety. My husband and I both have some serious health concerns which is a true test of faith.

We keep the future in mind when we budget for something we want. Vacations are not in our game plan. My husband travels overseas for business, so he is glad to be home. I prefer to enjoy the home and surrounding area and put funds toward home improvements and retirement. I am content to take the dog to dog park or go for leisurely drive some miles away. That is my vacation right here.

Money does NOT buy happiness, it simply buys more choices in life than what one normally has without it. One can go to the best doctor to treat the illness or enjoy the stress free existence to own the home with no mortgage. We paid cash for our home years ago, so I never have to write that monthly check. That detail represents years of hard work and careful planning. Security is gained with careful planning, it doesn't just happen to most people.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 13th February 2014 at 04:43 PM.
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