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Old 30th April 2011, 01:52 PM   #1
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Unhappy Inter-faith relationship - I need advice

Where to start...

We were really good friends for quite a while. We were into each other then but we didn't get together for ages.

Then we used to go out but things were very complicated at the time and we were in very different places back then and I wasn't a Christian either. We have both changed a lot in the last few years, done a lot of growing up and we are now in our 20's but despite how much we've changed - we still fit if that makes any sense.

Now, after nearly 3 years of friendship, post-relationship - we still have feelings for each other and he is genuinly who I see myself with in the future - marriage, children etc

We both come from muslim backgrounds, as we are both mixed race Scottish/Arab and Bangladeshi/Scottish. I am Christian now and he doesn't really have a faith now but I'm pretty sure he still believes in God. I don't know what it is but we just match and we get each other, you know?

He accepts my faith, I understand his views and he even said he is willing to respect my Chastity since being saved until marriage and that I'm the only girl he can see himself having children with and starting a real future with. He knows it will be challenging but he wants us to try - as do I but we obviously don't want to ed up hurting each other.

Last night we had a really deep chat about where we are and we both really want to move forward into a relationship but we are both concerned about the implications of my faith - if it would end up driving us apart or if I'm going against God's Will.

I love my God and I am so thankful for what Christ did for me and is doing in my life and for the gift of the Holy Spirit!

When I spoke to my Christian friend today about the possibility of he and I getting back together, she advised me against it, strongly, as he is not Christian therefore our relationship will not have God's blessing and I can't serve two masters (world and God) and reminded me of the unequal yolking passage. She said that I should talk to our Minister or some of the Parish Workers as we are accountable to other Christians in our decisions, especially if they are against God's Will to avoid committing Idolatry by putting my desires before God's Sovereign Plan for me.

Biblically sound advice and I do understand where she is coming from and I may well have given similar advice, as I am very aware of these passages and the teaching on them - but now I'm torn. Am I being selfish?

Do I give up on my feelings for him and go back on everything I said last night and hurt him and myself all over again or do I try?? I don't feel God is saying no as many of the questions I have asked in Prayer and the issues I've been thinking about, he has said also and other signs that have come up. But my friend's explanation was that the devil knows our thoughts and will use them against us. Basically, God could not be giving his blessing on us because we are not BOTH sanctified through Christ.

Any thoughts???? Help!
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Old 30th April 2011, 07:39 PM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Inter-faith relationship - I need advice

I can only re-iterate what your friend says Rebecca. You know the relevant passages. It is so important who one marries and you really do need God's peace and not just the feelings only.

You have Christ and the Holy Spirit within your spirit which is a fantastic God given gift. He can not go in the same direction as you and basically in the long run you will be going in different directions. I don't think this would be God's best for you however strong your feelings are.
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Old 30th April 2011, 09:03 PM   #3
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Re: Inter-faith relationship - I need advice

Hello Brother Raymond,

I have been doing Bible study basically all day over this issue and I understand your view completely.

But what I don't understand is why for the most part the Bible says NO NO and more NO to interfaith but then on a few occassions it is ok and has God's blessing... Salmon marrying the Canaanite woman Rahab, Moses - one of the most prominent bringers of God's Laws - married a Cush-ite woman and when Aaron and Miriam advised him against it they were scorned by God and she was given temporary leprosy. Yourself and my friend have said that God would want better for me but wouldn't He want the best for His Prophet also, why then would He give Him a wife that ought never to have had His blessing?

Then, there is the whole question of lineage as according to most their are 4 Gentiles in Christ's geniology: tamar, Rahab, Ruth and Bathsheba - however, Ruth and Tamar are subject to debate, I am aware of this.

Christ doesn't teach on interfaith relationships in the Gospels as far as I am aware. He teaches about divorce and marriage using the old testiment but He doesn't give any direct commandments regarding it. The only one that does in the New Testiment is Paul in his letters, I think - do correct me if I'm wrong! The more information I have the better.

It is just very confusing to me because it appears what seems to be a black and white no - in actual fact isn't. It wasn't then and it isn't now. It comes down to God. If my feelings and prayer aren't enough to know what God wants me to do here, then what exactly am I looking for from God? You know where I'm from?

Thank you for your councel Brother and I do appreciate your advice and any other info you have would be helpful

Peace be with you.
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Old 1st May 2011, 10:04 AM   #4
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Inter-faith relationship - I need advice

It would be quite a bible study to answer you accurately Rebecca. I'm just on the way to our meeting but from memory Rahab is spoken of as doing an act of faith and being justified by it. However I think the Jews are a special case. We are not Jews but Gentiles and the analogies with the Jews are not really helpful. We are not under the law in that sense but have the freedom to choose what is right from the heart and that is what you have to do. Most mature christians would advise what I do and as your friend does. I think you just have to know in your heart how God is leading you. You are seeking God on it and that's all you can do. Ask your friends to pray that the spirit may reveal to you the right road for you. I would say do not be led by fear but by the peace which is in Christ. I believe the will of God will grow on you over time and you will know if you are open to Him. In the end it is your life not ours but if you want God's will you will know it.
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Old 1st May 2011, 03:55 PM   #5
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Posts: 5,794
Re: Inter-faith relationship - I need advice

I can only echo what has been said. Dont go there.We have had people coming here who have married so called 'non practising' muslims, who once they are married and have children, suddenly refuse to let them be bought up as Christian believers, or go to church..
Your children would be confused. and they need a mum and dad who share the Christian faith.
His parents and family may well put pressure on him once he is married and has kids to come back to his faith. Honestly you are playing with fire and this is why God clearly tells us not to do this. He says what has light to do with darkness? Your marriage would be a spiritual battle ground.
I have three close friends who are married to non believers (not muslims), and they all have a hard time because of it. I know it is hard, but this is why I advise Christians not to go out with non believers, because its so hard to end a relationship once it has got serious.

God does NOT want you to marry a muslim. He wants you to marry a Christian.If you dont you will regret it. Sorry but these are the facts.
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Old 5th August 2013, 10:24 AM   #6
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Re: Inter-faith relationship - I need advice

It maybe true that you shouldn't have married your wife, but you did. You made promises to her before God, and you have no reason to end the marriage. The only reason that we as Christians have for divorce is if our spouse commits sexual immorality. Well you have sadly done that, so she could end the marriage(does she know?) but you have no reason to.


Last edited by abeeha; 8th August 2014 at 12:12 PM.
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atheist, christian, interfaith, mixed-race, muslim

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