Re: About to seperate is there hope still?
Dear RKY,
Welcome to the forum. It sounds as if you love your wife very much but she has been trapped with caring for the disabled child and you have overcompensated with your work input for the same reason. If you are struggling to make a living for all of you now, I wonder how she thinks there can be a separation? She will be unable to work unless there is care giving for the child to enable that. Obviously, you can't support two separate households.
It seems some of the dynamics would improve if there was a daycare arrangement for the child for a few days whereby she could work at least part time. It is hard to have no stimulus for her intellectual abilities and growth when she cannot interact with others. Have you looked into some situation for the child so she can get out?
I read how arguments turned into a chance to throw all the garbage. TSK-TSK..remember that names/insults remain behind in the air long after the transient event that caused the discord is resolved. Remember that one never reaches to destroy anothers confidence or belittle them with things that can never truly be unsaid. Let it be written in stone that you respect each other even when anger takes over. You can talk about the issues and not the person. If yelling is happening, nobody is listening, and time out is needed. A brief walk around the block is a good cooler and you might suggest to walk together, so long as the discussion goes into sleep mode for the time. Anger management is a great skill and the mark of a civilized person.
It seems from your history that you both are nice people who care about each other. You have a huge burden to manage to carry with an ill child. You both must work together to get through this. You are out of the house days and she has a lock-in situation, so no wonder her 3 days away was such an escape. Maybe you take care on a weekend and let her take a movie with a friend or get shopping time? She needs some time away. It must be difficult for her to feel feminine/appealing when she is caring for a child where she can't see improvement. It happens to many, as a friend of mine years ago, whose marriage teetered for the same reasons. They were able to arrange some care a few days a week.
I don't think if is the end for you, but your acknowledgement that you are burdened and she the most, would be in order. She needs some appreciation for what she does and help when you can arrange to do it. If you even get a special dinner at home for the two of you perhaps you can have discussions as adults, not just parents. Too bad family is so absent because you need some loving input there. Have you ever reached out and ASKED for help? Maybe time to say you need their input. It would be great for you just to find some helping outlets.
Don't lose hope in your marriage. Try, try and try again. Love and persistance wins hearts!
Don't lose an opportunity to tell her how you feel about her. Turn off TV
and tell her she looks good and how you would never choose anyone else but her. A woman wants to hear it. :-)
Last edited by 1aokgal; 1st September 2012 at 04:33 AM.
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