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Old 5th September 2005, 12:37 PM   #1
lynnette
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Exclamation Ive ruined everything. Please help

I am getting married in 12 weeks time. I have always had an eating disorder and have never worn a dress in my life. I ordered my dress just by looking at it on a hanger (i know this sounds ridiculas) as I couldnt try it on.

I have lost two stone now (but need to lose another 2), but over the past two weeks I have been binge eating and have put back on 9lbs, as my partner was made redundant and we are struggling to comprehend how to pay for the house/wedding etc. We have cancelled the honeymoon.

My dress does not fit and I have 12 weeks to turn this around, but I am so upset and exhausted at the fear of wearing the wedding dress I cant think straight. I am so terrifed of my fitting date (7 weeks) as I know the dress will not fit.

I feel humiliated, frightened and physically sick at the thought of standing there and the dress wont fasten. I know this sounds like im feeling very sorry for myself - but I honestly cant even think about the wedding because of the way I look.
Ive had eating disorders from being 14 and im now 28. I know this is all my fault but I feel like im on the edge of disaster. Any advice would be appreciated.
xx
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Old 5th September 2005, 12:47 PM   #2
Valerie
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Re: Ive ruined everything. Please help

Try not to focus on loosing weight to fit in a dress becasue once you wear the dress it'll be a reason to go back to old habits. The reason for wanting to looseweight should be for a healthy and strong body and the good feeling it gives. Maybe when you exercise, or if you have a routine, listen to music on headphones, and do things that will make your mind wander so that your experience is of something that comes natural to you and not a struggle. This way, you are also planning for future and keeping the weight off and feel healthier and stronger. Binging is hard becasue once your body recieves food it has been deprived of, the sugar go straight to thighs. When exercising you have a fierce appetite and you should eat a lot. Just choose different foods like fruit, grains, etc.
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Old 5th September 2005, 01:54 PM   #3
poppy
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Re: Ive ruined everything. Please help

Lyn - first of all when you say you ordered the dress, do you mean it is being made for you or it's off the peg? Either way you need to deal with this now. Take the bull by the horns so to speak now. You have to take action. It is sitting there crossing bridges like mad before you even come to them, that's your immediate problem. Contact the people you've ordered the dress from and be completely honest with them. Even if this feels humiliating. See what they can do to help. I know you want to be your slimmest for the wedding, but if you set impossible goals, and I think maybe this is what you are doing, you will simply become depressed and too paralysed to do anything, about anything. So take action now to see what can be done to help. If you need to order a bigger size, then do so. If you lose more weight, it can be altered. Do this now for your own peace of mind.

Secondly. This is not the end of the world. Believe me worse things happen. I'm sorry about the honeymoon, this is a rotten blow. But your H to be will get another job in time and you can have a holiday to make up for it at a later date. You need to shake yourself real hard and pick the good bits out of your life at the moment and hang on to them like hell. You are in love, you have your whole future ahead of you. Get angry and get in control of yourself. Only you can do it. And do it you CAN! And if you don't make your weight target, believe me you will still look absolutely wonderful on your wedding day. Whoever saw a bride who didn't look her most blooming glowing self on THE DAY and so will you.

Yes, keep tyring with the diet and as Val says exercise too. Come on. Chin up, get things in proportion, take action, you will feel better and more focused and you will stop the binging. You have the will, you know you do. You've already lost two stone. What an achievement. Be proud of yourself. Let us know how you are getting on.
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Old 5th September 2005, 02:16 PM   #4
Valerie
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Re: Ive ruined everything. Please help

Lyn,

Ever since I have been in my newly found realtionship, I have stopped most of my exercising and dieting and believe me I am angry at myself. I have gained weight and I am tired of looking in the mirror unhappy. I have the drive to go out there and exercise, but I even started smoking which is a big no no becasue I had quit and was really cutting some nice frim muscles. Relationships change everything in life and I am struggling with adjusting, but now I want my life back. I set up an appointment for a stop smoking deal and plan to get back on track here soon. I used to be very active in creating new projects and self emplyment tips for my career, but now I have lost all motivation. I am hoping to find the strenght that I crave for to be who I was and feel good about myself again. Yes, I've had a sense of low self esteem too. I see wrinkles that I maybe had and din't notice, I sleep more than ever, I barely take the long walks at the beach and run in the sun like before. I am not unhappy in my relationship, I have had to adjust to new unpleasant things and overcome the barriers. I am having a great deal lately with the "step mother" issue. It's hard because lately I've been outspoken and the tension rises every other weekend. I find his daughter cute, and special like all children, but she is soooo rude and nasty and two-faced. I feel bad saying this becasue I don't think I can remember ever disliking a child's attitude. For respect out of him, I don't really get involved and I leave her in her own world, but as he and I get closer and have family gatherings and weekend outings with my kids, I find that no one likes her, they tolerate her. She's ten and just as rude and nasty as they come. I have expressed it and we've been working on it, but I get tired because it's an every other weekend challenge. She likes me and minds me, but the fact that I consistently have to address her rudeness makes me feel angry. Sometimes I just want to pop her right upside her head, but she's not mine, you know. She does awful things like slam doors in our guests children's face if she doesn't want to play, sets rules like no one goes in her room, but I constantly have to kick her out of my kid's room, and bed. I creep up on her when playing with my kids and she's rude to my little one and says "get out" and then when she sees me she says something nice to cover it up. A true "Angelica". I tell him and he says he understands and supports my "time out" diciplines, but I just wish he would get off his butt and fix the problem. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I don't want to deal with this and it's just every other weekend, but I find myself just isolating myself from her because she doesn't change. I find solutions for eveything psychologically, and I raised three girls, but I cannot seem to decipher this one.
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Old 7th September 2005, 12:02 AM   #5
disbelief
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Re: Ive ruined everything. Please help

Dear Lynette,

I agree with Poppy's advice on this matter. On a further note, don't ever think you have "ruined everything" because of a dress. Your husband to be is marrying you, not your dress. See what you can do with alterations and/or another dress. If the dress was off the rack, I can't see a reason why the shop wouldn't allow you to choose another if alterations weren't done on it. If alterations were done, again it's only fabric - your soul is what is important - it shouldn't matter what is worn on the outside!

Please, stop beating yourself up over your eating disorder. If you haven't spoken the honest truth to your doctor about your feelings/attitudes/depression on the matter, this is the time to do so. It is human nature to think we have the ultimate control over our bodies and minds and disregard professional advice. I implore you to think otherwise and talk to a professional.

As an aside, I have a friend whose wife joined a "Jazzercise" club - she was originally embarassed because of her weight but it didn't take long before she made new friends and began to really enjoy it. It has had a huge impact on her life and health. Maybe there's a physical activity along those lines that may interest you?

I wish you all the best on the weeks coming up to your wedding day. Try to look at the big picture and realize the dress is but the tiniest element here. Enjoy your wedding day and the days to follow to the fullest.

With Sincerity,

Disbelief

Last edited by disbelief; 7th September 2005 at 01:53 AM.
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Old 21st January 2006, 06:20 PM   #6
Jennabeth
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Re: Ive ruined everything. Please help

Hi Lynette

Start and end your day with a glass of warm water - squeeze some lemon juice into the water and if you have a sweet tooth, you can add some artificial sweetner. This will break down fatty content a lot faster while cleansing your system at the same time.

If you really believe your dress won't fit - look around for a friend who knows something about silk flowers. Ask him/her to length of silk flowers and ribbon to match the theme of your wedding.

Once the length of flowers is complete, attach these to the back of your dress where the zipper is. Use narrow satin ribbon to attach the flowers to the dress and close the back at the same time.

In this way not only will your dress fit but you'll also have a stunning and rather unique back to your dress.

If you don't have a friend to help you, by all means drop me an email - I'll do what I can on this side to help - I am in the UK however so if I am to make it and ship it on time, you'll need to let me know pretty soon!

You can visit my web-site if you like to look for flowers that will match your dress. www.silk-weddingflowers.com and my email address is jennabeth@silk-weddingflowers.com.

Cheer up kiddo - you have a world and a lifetime ahead of you, focus on the future because before you know it, the present has become the past!

Regards

Jennabeth
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