I want to understand

I don't know where to start because I really don't know where it did start. I've been reading the forums the past week because like many of the people on here I found my self in the same boat 2 weeks ago. I just know that i am so afraid and so lost.
He rang me up at half eleven at night, whilst I was at my parents house and told me he wants to separate and split up. That we're not good together, that he feels better on his own, that I'm like a black cloud and he's miserable when I'm around. That we don't work as a couple, that it's my fault we don't have a sex life, that he is better without me. I felt like he had stabbed me and kept stabbing me because all this from a man who has been (what I thought) supportive, fun, loving and constantly telling me that any problems we might be having (and they have been awful) are just problems and that he wouldn't want me to think that we're going to be a statistic, that he loves me so much blah blah blah. We have been through severe financial strain for the past 12 months and his business is well to be fair, a complete failure, he has made less than a couple of grand in the last year. We have relied on friends and family handouts and my ability to cook food with barely anything. I've been very ill and in ways I could not have ever imagined. I used to be a personal trainer and healthy but have had problem after problem after problem. the stress of which made my hair start to fall out (it's back now tho!) and I've been on morphine. This has all been made worse by his family especially his mother. This woman has bitched about me so much behind my back to him, has made snide remarks because i put on weight, but all said in a jolly way. She has even taken a pudding out of my hand because she said she was thinking of my figure ha ha ha (not) She recently said that I'm jealous of my husband, that he will always be her special boy (he's 40 btw) that she and him always have a special bond. She has slagged me off to my other sister in law and she slags her off to me or anyone. All this whilst I've been so desperately ill. My H and me have rowed so much about this and he sticks up for her by saying 'it's just the way she is'. She even wrote a card to my parents after our wedding to thank them for a lovely 'do' and wonders just how long our marriage will last. It made my dad very upset to read such poisonous words and I was and still am, livid. I've done my best for my H because that's the way I've been brought up. i noticed over the past few weeks as his 40th birthday was approaching that he has been complaining more about what a failure he is, that he's never achieved anything just like his father. that he's fat, that he's noticed wrinkles that he's not as fit as he used to be, that he thinks he's been comfort eating ( he rang me from mcdonalds to tell me!) that he knows he's miserable, that he knows it's definately not me that he thinks he might be depressed. I suggest to get help and he say he doesn't have a problem it must be something else. He has now decided that i am to blame for our sh*t life, that im a black cloud hanging over him, that he perks up when I'm not around. After he told me all this, i came back the next evening and I then say ok then and he was all shocked and said oh is that it? Are we going to split up? i say well that 's what you said you wanted and he said no, I don't want that you do. (?) I said, now you're confusing me, I thought you wanted to split up, he says well i do it's just oh I don't know, our marriage has lots of good things going for it and my vows are important but i don't know who i am anymore.

I've been away for 10 days and not heard a peep from him although he said he would be here when i got back tonight and he's not. He's probably in the pub drinking because it's my fault he feels like he can't cope so has to drink. I have lost just under a stone because I keep being sick and i can't sleep either. Oh i think I hear the door. Yes it's him and I'm now nervous. Will write tomorrow. Not that I'm sure what that will be about.