Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  

Go Back   2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums > Advice > Marriage Help

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd July 2016, 11:31 AM   #1
Muj
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 8
I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

I really need advice. I have been married for 12 years, all the time always long distance from husband due to his work. After baby, i got so depressed, i feel alone and we grew apart. My husband cheated on me with woman from his work and the 2 years affair resulted baby. I was not aware of the affair until last month when he came home saying we need to work on our marriage. After he said that, i found text from the other woman on his phone and he got angry being confronted, saying it was over. I went behind his back, using his email to fire this woman and sending bad words to make sure she get away from my husband. This is when i found out that she's pregnant because she replied angrily. I told my husband about it and instead he got angry to me too for using his identity. He then went back to work but i couldnt stop myself from stalking him and the other woman. He eventually found out about the stalking, got even angrier because i denied it at first, he called me stupid bitch, **** and many other hurting words, he also said i am crazy and obsessed. He said he couldnt trust me, couldnt stand me and wants separation (not divorce because he doesnt want to do the legal battle). I've since then begged him to come back and try again but he said i am a liar and manipulative, and it is too much to be changed, he doesnt think its possible. What should i do to win him back? And is it really possible considering he said he doesnt love me anymore since a long time ago.
Muj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd July 2016, 02:24 PM   #2
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

why do you want to stay with this awful cheating lying man? if that was my husband I would end the marriage to to be honest, he cant be trusted. He is blaming you for his appalling behaviour which is even worse.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd July 2016, 02:50 PM   #3
TJW
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 43
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

Advice?

Go get an attorney, and waste this turkey like a used kleenex.
TJW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th July 2016, 05:01 AM   #4
Muj
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 8
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

I guess i am still in denial mode that everything can get back to where it was. Plus i am afraid to be alone, not having the same financial support from him anymore. Thanks for the reply though, i just need some strong will to let him go
Muj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th July 2016, 01:59 PM   #5
TJW
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 43
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

As long as you recognize that "denial" is something we CHOOSE to be in, in order to justify our actions to ourselves.

It is very self-defeating. Take steps now to improve your own independent financial condition. Set a goal that you will leave in one year, or two years.
Then do what you have to do now so that you will be in a position where you won't be afraid when the time comes.
TJW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th July 2016, 02:32 PM   #6
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Muj View Post
I guess i am still in denial mode that everything can get back to where it was. Plus i am afraid to be alone, not having the same financial support from him anymore. Thanks for the reply though, i just need some strong will to let him go
do you work full time?
Its not nice to be alone, but surely its better than being with a liar and cheat. maybe you have friends or family who could help?
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th July 2016, 09:54 AM   #7
Muj
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 8
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

Yes i am working full time. I just need to structure my finance in order to get back on my feet
Muj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th July 2016, 09:57 AM   #8
Muj
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 8
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TJW View Post
As long as you recognize that "denial" is something we CHOOSE to be in, in order to justify our actions to ourselves.

It is very self-defeating. Take steps now to improve your own independent financial condition. Set a goal that you will leave in one year, or two years.
Then do what you have to do now so that you will be in a position where you won't be afraid when the time comes.
Thanks TJW, i appreciate your answer. I will prepare myself for the worse so i can be independent.
Muj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th July 2016, 10:51 AM   #9
TJW
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 43
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Muj View Post
Thanks TJW, i appreciate your answer. I will prepare myself for the worse so i can be independent.
May I recommend Larry Burkett. Brother Burkett has gone home with the Lord for 14-odd years now but his books and tapes remain available through Crown Financial Concepts and christian bookstores. All of his works are a good read.....

He hosted a radio program called "how to manage your money" decades ago and this changed my entire outlook on finances, I was truly blessed to do
what Dave Ramsey describes as "...live like no one else so later you can live like no one else...." - except there was no "later".... God opened the windows of heaven and poured me out a blessing....because my finances were in control...
TJW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th July 2016, 12:59 PM   #10
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Muj View Post
Yes i am working full time. I just need to structure my finance in order to get back on my feet
do you have family or friends who could help you for now?

It would be a good idea to get legal advise over the home and maintenance etc.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th July 2016, 01:01 PM   #11
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

what makes me mad muj is that He is the one who has cheated and lied and got another woman pregnant, yet HE says he cant trust YOU.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2016, 09:47 AM   #12
Muj
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 8
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
do you have family or friends who could help you for now?

It would be a good idea to get legal advise over the home and maintenance etc.
Yes, i got help from my parents, they helped in watching my kid while i am working so at least minimizing the cost of nanny. I also cut back my spending.
Muj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2016, 09:49 AM   #13
Muj
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 8
Re: I messed up, is there any hope for my marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
what makes me mad muj is that He is the one who has cheated and lied and got another woman pregnant, yet HE says he cant trust YOU.
Hahaha thats also the part that confused me. But now, thinking about it, he probably wants out of marriage since long time ago and what happened recently is just something he find as excuse to cover his own bad behaviour and shift the blame on me. I understand myself that i am just afraid of the changes and thats why i am clinging so much to him. But few things has been eyes opener for me.
Muj is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 12:56 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2024 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer