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Old 24th May 2018, 08:03 AM   #1
me54
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1
She loves me but we are on a break!

Folks I need some help and guidance here to help me understand a situation of my creating. Let me give you some context:-

Both married before

Been in a relationship 7 years but we took it slow moving in and have been together living 3 years.

18 months ago I asked her to marry me and she said yes :-)

A year ago I flirted with someone online and I was and do travel a lot away from home and she found out and was going to leave me. She was crushed and I had caused that! I stopped what I was doing and we slowly built things up again and have been working towards getting a wedding arranged.

The two of us due to our jobs have put on weight and I think neither of us likes how we look and our physical relationship has been practically zero. I have raised it a couple of times and we've discussed it and said we'd re-engage, but we never have and top be honest I stopped pushng. For her part she feels that she has tried and one time i shunned her which if I did am ashamed of but it's not really me.

I work away a lot and had some issues with my phone and this is it... I bought a SIM (voice only, no data etc) and have taken that with me and my spare phone in case anything happens and I still need to be able to contact home or anyone. I thought I had told her but according to her I had not. I came home from a trip the other night to be told she was leaving there and then as I had been deceitful and that I had shattered her trust in me.

We sat down holding each tohers hands smiling through tears and some smiles and I tried to explain how I was seeing it but it was obvious she was going. I decided not to make it difficult and said I respected that she felt sh needed to do this. I asked her a few questions:-

Are we done? - "No we just need a gap and you need to show me in that time that you are sorting yourself out"

What about the wedding? - "That's off"

So the house do we now sell it? - "No let's continue to get work done on it, as I say this is temporary and I'll still pay my bit of the bills"

How long is this gap? - "I don't know yet"

Contact? - "I'll text you in couple of days, more than likely though a week or so"

We kissed each other on the lips and held each other as tight as we could and we were both upset, but I then let her go.

I have kept the no contact piece and have not reached out to her at all even though everything screams to me I should. Last night our neighbours wife said that she had been in touch and was distraught.

I went onto facebook and some photos I had put there a couple of weeks ago she had "LOVED" within the past hour.

I changed my profile pic as that is what I had gone there for to shpw a pic of she and i heads touching laughing with each other. It's a lovely photo and makes me smile. Within 5 minutes she had loved it.

20 minutes later on her page she put a pic of a place in Italy we had gone to and had a wonderful time together. So I LOVED it and also put a comment that it had been a wonderful weekend. Again within a few minutes she had LOVED that comment.

I left it a short while and wrote a sentence about us two sitting at the station and me moaning a bit and her telling me to enjoy the journey. At 0528 this morning she had liked it.

Today am starting to see a counsellor to find out some answers about me. Why am I not obviously able to give my fiancee 100% of me. What is my issue with me.

I have no idea if we will ever get back together but if we do I know that I need to understand me a lot better and give all of me! I am not confident however that we will as to me when you shatter someones trust it's gone.

She did tell me as we held ach other the other night before she left that she loves me to bit and is on love with me, but no trust.

Just want her to be happy no matter what it takes or who it is with, she deserves the best in life
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Old 5th June 2018, 12:01 AM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,785
Re: She loves me but we are on a break!

What was the cause of her first marriage ending? She does seem to have strong issues with trust and maybe overreacting to things you have done. Yes flirting is wrong, and that second phone was maybe a trigger, but her reactions seem rather over the top. I would delay the marriage indefinitely as I have to wonder if she will keep threatening to leave that as well. When you are married you are supposed t work though things not threaten to leave over every little thing.
I would suggest some good relationship counselling together and getting yourselves both into some exercise and healthy eating regime if she agrees.
As for the facebook, don't have any such contact for now is my advise.
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