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Old 24th August 2015, 05:00 PM   #1816
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
At the very least take a vacation. It really sounds like you need a break.
Hi LDT, I need a break so very badly, and as of yesterday I think it's already in hand, either towards the end of September or the latest early October I will be taking a week away in mainland Europe, got a few places in mind but not sure exactly where as yet.
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Old 24th August 2015, 07:00 PM   #1817
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Hi LDT, I need a break so very badly, and as of yesterday I think it's already in hand, either towards the end of September or the latest early October I will be taking a week away in mainland Europe, got a few places in mind but not sure exactly where as yet.
Good for you, Ralf.

I think it's just what you need.
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Old 30th August 2015, 09:52 AM   #1818
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Aaaargh those ruddy dreams again, just when I get my sleep pattern sorted then the dreams start again, same every morning I am dreaming that we are together and happy doing whatever, then I wake up thinking she is beside me and it takes me a few seconds to come round and realise I am alone, I hate this life when will all these horrible things go away ?, I have a mate who while happily married now took around 15 years to get over someone who broke his heart, he is very honest with me and he thinks this could take me years to get over too, I hope he is wrong I just want to feel happy again just a modicum feeling of happiness would be nice but hardly anything makes me happy or smile any more, I love my little kitties with all my heart and I try very best to spend as much time with them as I can, just seeing their sweet little faces stirs my heart I have to admit, but I was much happier when we were 4, 3 is an odd number and I don't like it just being 3 of us, I wish I could turn back time and make everything so very different, she should be here now having a brew and some breakfast with us, I hate my life and I want it all to end.
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Old 30th August 2015, 09:42 PM   #1819
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I don't know if anyone else has had those dreams, but I have, and they're not fun. I know where you are coming from. Try not to be discouraged, though. There is no way of knowing when you're going to get over this. Grief takes time. But it does not have to take 15 years.

If you hate your life there has to be steps you can take to improve it. They say there is a a solution to every problem. Can you find a way to improve your life no matter what happens with your marriage? Can you separate from this issue for now and focus on making your life better now? What steps can you take to improve your life? There has to be a way to feel better. I believe you can find that.

I am looking to feel better despite my situation, as well. Easier said than done--but it's possible. It just has to be.
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Old 31st August 2015, 10:24 AM   #1820
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Hi dear LDT thanks for your reply, you ask this question:

"Can you find a way to improve your life no matter what happens with your marriage?"

The direct answer to that question is simple yes I am sure there must be a way for me to improve my life but I have yet to find it, my wife and our marriage was the central hub to my entire life and they both made me very very happy, she and our marriage was all I ever wanted and now that I have lost them I feel totally empty and completely lost in life without them, as with you and your husband I dedicated my life to her and our marriage and the feeling of rejection and grief is all consuming sometimes and washes over me frequently with huge feelings of deep sadness and fear, I know some people may think my answer pathetic but it's the truth and I cant help what I'm made of, however this is happening all the time, once again when I went out for my Sunday scoop I heard of 2 marriages of 2 blokes that I have known 20 plus years that are in trouble, one has already been kicked out by his wife back to his mother, and the other has had notice served that their marriage is over and one of them will be leaving the marital home it's unbelievable how frequently this is happening, anyway I hope all is ok with you and things are getting easier for you in your situation .
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Old 31st August 2015, 11:43 AM   #1821
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Hi dear LDT thanks for your reply, you ask this question:

"Can you find a way to improve your life no matter what happens with your marriage?"

The direct answer to that question is simple yes I am sure there must be a way for me to improve my life but I have yet to find it, my wife and our marriage was the central hub to my entire life and they both made me very very happy, she and our marriage was all I ever wanted and now that I have lost them I feel totally empty and completely lost in life without them, as with you and your husband I dedicated my life to her and our marriage and the feeling of rejection and grief is all consuming sometimes and washes over me frequently with huge feelings of deep sadness and fear, I know some people may think my answer pathetic but it's the truth and I cant help what I'm made of, however this is happening all the time, once again when I went out for my Sunday scoop I heard of 2 marriages of 2 blokes that I have known 20 plus years that are in trouble, one has already been kicked out by his wife back to his mother, and the other has had notice served that their marriage is over and one of them will be leaving the marital home it's unbelievable how frequently this is happening, anyway I hope all is ok with you and things are getting easier for you in your situation .
Well we dont know why those marriages are ending do we ralf.

MY advise is to go asap for a holiday. Every time I go away I get fresh insight into my life. Last week we were away for only one night and 2 days to look round worcestershire where we may be moving to and where I am hoping we will move to, and as I was lying there trying to get to sleep(never sleep well away from home) I really saw some clarity about things and felt God giving me 2 verses from the Bible which have really helped.
I am pretty sure that when you are away the same will happen to you.Just to get away from home and where it all happened will help, and I am pretty sure you will come back with fresh insight and decisions made for the future. IF you can afford it why not go longer than a week? I always think it takes a few days to relax and then its time to come home again if you are only there for a week. It may also help if you take a notebook and keep a journal, another thing that has helped me so much in the past to clarify my feelings.

One of my children is going away for 9 days on her own to Southern Ireland soon. Driving all the way from central England on her own to North wales, getting the ferry and driving all the way down to Southern Ireland to a cottage for a week. She was divorced 2 years ago and has just started seeing a really nice guy she met on line(only 2 dates so far but tons of texting). There is a future, you just have to grasp it with both hands as she does. She works full time for a Christian charity, goes to art classes, and a few months ago started learning the violin. She is always out with friends as well and has few nights in. She also has church groups. In the end we are the only ones who can change things, but I am sure that being away will be a turning point for you.
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Old 31st August 2015, 01:21 PM   #1822
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Well we dont know why those marriages are ending do we ralf.

MY advise is to go asap for a holiday. Every time I go away I get fresh insight into my life. Last week we were away for only one night and 2 days to look round worcestershire where we may be moving to and where I am hoping we will move to, and as I was lying there trying to get to sleep(never sleep well away from home) I really saw some clarity about things and felt God giving me 2 verses from the Bible which have really helped.
I am pretty sure that when you are away the same will happen to you.Just to get away from home and where it all happened will help, and I am pretty sure you will come back with fresh insight and decisions made for the future. IF you can afford it why not go longer than a week? I always think it takes a few days to relax and then its time to come home again if you are only there for a week. It may also help if you take a notebook and keep a journal, another thing that has helped me so much in the past to clarify my feelings.

One of my children is going away for 9 days on her own to Southern Ireland soon. Driving all the way from central England on her own to North wales, getting the ferry and driving all the way down to Southern Ireland to a cottage for a week. She was divorced 2 years ago and has just started seeing a really nice guy she met on line(only 2 dates so far but tons of texting). There is a future, you just have to grasp it with both hands as she does. She works full time for a Christian charity, goes to art classes, and a few months ago started learning the violin. She is always out with friends as well and has few nights in. She also has church groups. In the end we are the only ones who can change things, but I am sure that being away will be a turning point for you.
Hi Chosen it's nice to hear from you, I like Worcester it's a lovely old city I used to visit frequently as one of my NHS telecommunications contracts was the Worcester Royal Hospitals and I really enjoyed going down there it always made me think of the Archers with it's lovely countryside, and I have a cousin in Bromsgrove but haven't seen him and his very excentric Russian wife since my mum's funeral.

It's funny that you mention Ireland as one of my cousins has invited me over any time I want, but I don't much feel like explaining my current situation as I haven't said anything about my wife and I, as far as what little family I have left are concerned we are still together and I don't want to face the inevitable questions that are bound to be raised.

Yes very fortunately I can afford more than 7 days but as I will be going with my mate he can only do 7 days due to business commitments so I am happy to go along with that, I will definitely get away again at least once more before the end of the year, I am even building up to going somewhere alone but I need to think that through, I yearn for Malta but not sure if my head is emotionally strong enough to cope just yet as there just far too many memories but that said there many memories here too, we got married in to this house and I carried her over the threshold being the old fashioned sort that I am, such a happy memory of 2 newly wed people so very much in love with each other, now where are we ?, we don't talk any more and haven't seen each other for 6 months now, so much for true love and longevity in marriage, it just all seems so disposable these days I don't think I will ever fully understand if I live to be 100.

The 2 chaps I mentioned do have reasons for their marriages ending, one is re-married but his current wife is bitter jealous of his ex-wife and is sure she still holds feelings for him, and she suspects that he has been sneaking round and still sleeping with his ex-wife, and we suspect the same, him and his current wife got together by having an affair for 15 years behind his first wife back, so you can imagine how much trust there is between them, to be honest he has always been a fool and quite frankly if he has been cheating on his new wife with his ex wife then he only has himself to blame, I have no sympathy for him or her as they are all as bad as each other, the other bloke is completely different and I think his wife is just bored after the kids have grown up and left home, she is possibly seeking something more to fill the void, needless to say he is gutted and doesn't deserve what is happening to him.

I like your journaling idea, I have done little bits of that over the last year but nothing too much, when I go away I will bring a note pad and pen with me and jot down my thoughts and any ideas that might occur so I can refer back to them once I get back home.
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Old 31st August 2015, 08:27 PM   #1823
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Hi dear LDT thanks for your reply, you ask this question:

"Can you find a way to improve your life no matter what happens with your marriage?"

The direct answer to that question is simple yes I am sure there must be a way for me to improve my life but I have yet to find it, my wife and our marriage was the central hub to my entire life and they both made me very very happy, she and our marriage was all I ever wanted and now that I have lost them I feel totally empty and completely lost in life without them, as with you and your husband I dedicated my life to her and our marriage and the feeling of rejection and grief is all consuming sometimes and washes over me frequently with huge feelings of deep sadness and fear, I know some people may think my answer pathetic but it's the truth and I cant help what I'm made of, however this is happening all the time, once again when I went out for my Sunday scoop I heard of 2 marriages of 2 blokes that I have known 20 plus years that are in trouble, one has already been kicked out by his wife back to his mother, and the other has had notice served that their marriage is over and one of them will be leaving the marital home it's unbelievable how frequently this is happening, anyway I hope all is ok with you and things are getting easier for you in your situation .
I believe we will both be able to improve our lives eventually. Staying positive is hard sometimes, but I have decided to try.

I am so glad you are going somewhere, Ralf. I think it will do you good.
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Old 4th September 2015, 08:47 PM   #1824
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

In to my 7th week of NC now that's the longest ever, not sure if I even feel confident or happy about it but it's all I have at the moment, I have nothing really to say to her or to discuss right now, she is paying me what she needs to be paying me, not saying I haven't wobbled and thought about making contact but I haven't and wont we doing unless something crops up, also off topic I know, but would anyone else like to see keith melon dangling at the end of a noose with a rusty WW1 bayonet rammed through his stupid neck ?, sick of his stupid face and voice all over TV, I think this isolation is making me cranky , time for a break I think.
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Old 4th September 2015, 10:00 PM   #1825
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I agree you need a break--me too!

Who is Keith Melon?
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Old 5th September 2015, 10:51 AM   #1826
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

[QUOTE=Lindentree1;87384]I agree you need a break--me too!

Who is Keith Melon?[/QUOTE]

Hi LDT this pillock here. think yourself lucky you don't have this plonker randomly popping up on your TV screen often without any sort of prior health warning https://www.google.com.mt/search?hl=...11.gY0liItEhqA
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Old 5th September 2015, 01:14 PM   #1827
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I agree with you on this ralf, cant watch anything that he is in:-(
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Old 5th September 2015, 02:34 PM   #1828
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

[QUOTE=ralfgarnett;87386]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
I agree you need a break--me too!

Who is Keith Melon?[/QUOTE]

Hi LDT this pillock here. think yourself lucky you don't have this plonker randomly popping up on your TV screen often without any sort of prior health warning https://www.google.com.mt/search?hl=...11.gY0liItEhqA
Okay, I see the pictures. Is he an actor, a comedian, a singer? What does he do besides annoy you?
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Old 5th September 2015, 03:17 PM   #1829
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

[QUOTE=Lindentree1;87388]
Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post

Okay, I see the pictures. Is he an actor, a comedian, a singer? What does he do besides annoy you?
Hi LDT the answer is simple, he exists, that's bad enough, just as it's a really very bad thing for the world that jedward, rap music, Justin bieber, tony b-liar, gw bush, manchester united, Glasgow rangers, and honey boo boo exist .
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Old 5th September 2015, 06:23 PM   #1830
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

[QUOTE=ralfgarnett;87389]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post

Hi LDT the answer is simple, he exists, that's bad enough, just as it's a really very bad thing for the world that jedward, rap music, Justin bieber, tony b-liar, gw bush, manchester united, Glasgow rangers, and honey boo boo exist .
..........
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