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Old 25th September 2015, 05:24 PM   #1906
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Hi LDT your not being mean you would never be that, yes I got the speech but one year on I don't really believe it because I did nothing wrong or to deserve it, do I think she could fall in love with me ?, I personally think that if we were to start spending time together then we would both realise that we still love each other very much, she always said that she felt as though god had made us especially for each other and I still believe that, perhaps god has parted us as a trial in order to test the strength of our love and dedication to each other, none of us know what's in store for us and this could resolve itself as quickly as it dissolved itself.
I'm not sure how to answer this. I've seen you be unhappy about this situation many times. Yet, if you did start spending time together it is possible you could rekindle something. After so many years together and no discernible issues between you, it is possible. But this is where NDY's advice comes in so well. GAL, and being the man she would not want to leave. This situation has, as you say, changed you emotionally and physically. Work on you, for your own sake. A confident Ralf will be most attractive to her.

Then she has to agree to meet. Then you'd have to rebuild if she agrees eventually. Forgiveness perhaps on your side for being left. Those were some of the hurdles I mentioned.

Yes, she may have left because of the issues you mentioned. She'd have to get herself together, as well.

There are a lot of ifs here. Anything is possible, I can't read the future, but I would work on being the best Ralf I can be and perhaps things will fall into place as they should, whatever happens. But if you get stronger you will be able to handle what happens whatever the outcome ends up being.

I hope I'm making sense--I haven't had coffee yet.
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Old 25th September 2015, 08:19 PM   #1907
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Hi LDT my wee pal said almost the same thing as you have today, I think it must be female intuition, many thanks to everyone that has contributed to my thread this past 13 months, all you lovely kind people Chosen, Raymond, Ronnoco, UKG, dear NDY & LDT if we never get the chance to talk again thank you all so much you have lured me through some blinking awful times that I don't think I can go through any more, I wouldn't know any of you if you were stood in front of me, yet you have all helped, stood in, advised, and showed me compassion through the goodness of your own hearts and experience, I love you all very much and will be eternally grateful for everything all of you have done for me, adios amigos, or in my own prescious language, grazzi hafna kulhadd imhobok hafna u hanfa aktar, narak iktar tard u tidkellem iktar tard anke forsi xxxx

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 25th September 2015 at 08:30 PM.
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Old 25th September 2015, 08:45 PM   #1908
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

God bless you ralf, you have come a long way even though you may not be able to see it.
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Old 26th September 2015, 08:11 AM   #1909
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Hope that you are feeling better this morning ralf.
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Old 26th September 2015, 03:54 PM   #1910
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Sweltering greetings dear people from a scorchingly hot Espana, all went fine and landed on the minute, just been finding my bearings today but already found a good local hang out with no tourists in site, I famously have a nose for this WW often said so, had a good lunch of fresh hake cooked in tomatoes and garlic with fried potatoes with peppers onions and olive oil, had mixed tapas of fish croquetes, manchego, morcilla, Serrano ham, huevos rancheros, olives, sobrisada, anchovies, calamari, and a big basket of bread and a decent rioja and fundador to wash it all down, going to have a snooze in a bit before part dos, can I cram any more tapas down ?, you betcha going back tonight, ps the waitress is a real cutie too, I might consider leaving home for her, I hope she shakes her marraccas at me grrrrrrrr and I would share my chorizo with her any day, good grief I just realised that neither Benny Hill or the carry on films will never die while I am around, oooooooooooo matron .
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Old 26th September 2015, 04:19 PM   #1911
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Sweltering greetings dear people from a scorchingly hot Espana, all went fine and landed on the minute, just been finding my bearings today but already found a good local hang out with no tourists in site, I famously have a nose for this WW often said so, had a good lunch of fresh hake cooked in tomatoes and garlic with fried potatoes with peppers onions and olive oil, had mixed tapas of fish croquetes, manchego, morcilla, Serrano ham, huevos rancheros, olives, sobrisada, anchovies, calamari, and a big basket of bread and a decent rioja and fundador to wash it all down, going to have a snooze in a bit before part dos, can I cram any more tapas down ?, you betcha going back tonight, ps the waitress is a real cutie too, I might consider leaving home for her, I hope she shakes her marraccas at me grrrrrrrr and I would share my chorizo with her any day, good grief I just realised that neither Benny Hill or the carry on films will never die while I am around, oooooooooooo matron .
So glad you're having fun, Ralf.

Tapas is so good! Enjoy your trip!
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Old 26th September 2015, 05:58 PM   #1912
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Muchos gracias LDT hope you and the dear little chap are ok ? xx
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Old 26th September 2015, 06:17 PM   #1913
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Muchos gracias LDT hope you and the dear little chap are ok ? xx
Yep, we're good. Thx.
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Old 27th September 2015, 07:01 PM   #1914
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Yep, we're good. Thx.
Hi LDT glad to hear it, not really having much fun tbh I haven't had any fun since pre-July 2014 and cant see any on the horizon, had a pretty bad night last night and broke down quite badly, I need to get a grip and for things to change cant go on like this, I even took 6 drags on a cigarette last night, I haven't smoked since October 1996 and don't intend starting now, what was I thinking of ?, I went to mass this morning and asked god and Santa Marijia to forgive me our dear blessed Virgin Mary of Ta Pinu, I was sobbing my eyes out and the priest came to sit with me and we prayed together, I honestly feel things are not right and I could be heading towards some kind of breakdown if I'm not careful, please will you all pray for me I would be very grateful, many thanks RG.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 27th September 2015 at 07:07 PM.
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Old 27th September 2015, 07:49 PM   #1915
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Hi LDT glad to hear it, not really having much fun tbh I haven't had any fun since pre-July 2014 and cant see any on the horizon, had a pretty bad night last night and broke down quite badly, I need to get a grip and for things to change cant go on like this, I even took 6 drags on a cigarette last night, I haven't smoked since October 1996 and don't intend starting now, what was I thinking of ?, I went to mass this morning and asked god and Santa Marijia to forgive me our dear blessed Virgin Mary of Ta Pinu, I was sobbing my eyes out and the priest came to sit with me and we prayed together, I honestly feel things are not right and I could be heading towards some kind of breakdown if I'm not careful, please will you all pray for me I would be very grateful, many thanks RG.
Of course I'll pray for you, Ralf. What happened? You seemed to be having such a good time when you got there.

Take everything one moment at a time and try to relax in your surroundings. You are away from all the confusion and pain. This is your break. Try to do things that you enjoy. See the sights, enjoy your food. Everything else can wait till you get back. Take care, Ralf.
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Old 27th September 2015, 11:14 PM   #1916
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Well done mate. You took the first step. The hardest one. Now go live a little.

From the west coast of bonnie Scotland......peace.
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Old 28th September 2015, 08:32 AM   #1917
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Well done mate. You took the first step. The hardest one. Now go live a little.

From the west coast of bonnie Scotland......peace.
Ta mate, what are you doing in the west of Scotland ? I thought you Patrick Thistle from Partick Thistle or in East Kilbride or somewhere.
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Old 28th September 2015, 09:03 AM   #1918
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
Of course I'll pray for you, Ralf. What happened? You seemed to be having such a good time when you got there.

Take everything one moment at a time and try to relax in your surroundings. You are away from all the confusion and pain. This is your break. Try to do things that you enjoy. See the sights, enjoy your food. Everything else can wait till you get back. Take care, Ralf.
Grazzi LDT, my head happened that's what, a combination of heat, flying, out of bed since 3AM, they poor silly measures of spirits here and I always like to try a local digestivo which I did and it hit me like mike Tyson not doing that again either, plus I feel very much out of my comfort zone in a tourist resort haven't done that for over 10 years me and her liked the quiet countrylife away fro tourists at all costs, this has taken me back over 20 years, single lads holiday at aged 50 makes me realise I'm not 25 any more my pal said the same, so took it really easy last night had a couple of glasses of wine, couple of small beers, left it at that, I also feel very vulnerable because of the knee and the anti-coags, I'm worry about having an accident as the pavements etc aren't the best and I need to watch every step I take, to be frank I know I'm lucky to be able to do this bit I don't like it here that much its just not my kind of place and I will do my very best to enjoy what I can but I will be glad to get on the flight home, I don't go out every night at home and I don't want here either, so we had chat last night and I put my cards on the table, said to my mate that I wont be going out every single night instead I might just buy a bottle of wine, some cheese, salamis, bread etc and have a couple of nights in, I have this laptop and youtube, I have TV, and I have my wee wickle wireless so I can occupy myself for a couple of evenings, plus of course I,m missing mrs ruddy face ache she that is my WAW and she is very on my mind of course, lots of young couples around in love just as we were and it makes self conscious about my sitch, my pal is the same boat but he has accepted she is leaving next March and his lovely little dog is on his way out and he filled up last night talking about it, now my mate is a tough nut body repairer paint sprayer etc, he is also the handiest bloke I have ever seen in action not violent, never goes looking for it, peaceable, respectful, well spoken, polite, but its realy not advisable to cross him, I am ok I known him over 30 years, but even his emotions are getting to him with his 18 year R finished, and his little dog, so we are both 50 y/o tough Northerers who are facing the stark realities that what we had and thought would be there always have gone, and personally I am really feeling the burn of that, when I get home I am going to try to get her to meet me for a talk, I just cant leave things as they are at the moment, there are far to many loose ends to be tied up and I either need her back in my life or closure to move on in due course, as I said I need a really god think and a foolproof cunning plan, more cunning than a fox that studied advanced cunning at the university of cunningtown (had to be careful how I spelt that ) as you know I don't think this totally over I am certain there are more acts to played out but I don't know, where, what, or how but we will see, right brekkie time ciao.
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Old 28th September 2015, 11:53 AM   #1919
notDoneYet
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

When I took S10 away as you know I was still very raw. But I worked hard at having fun for his sake. It was very therapeutic for me, putting I that effort. It was difficult but having him there was good for me because it forced me to stop thinking about her for a while. Of course it kept creeping back into my thoughts but I still tried.

And like you, all our holidays were together. She always organised everything but not this time, this time it was just me. I did the lot and that my friend made me feel good.

What I'm saying here is that you know this won't be your best holiday, but you are doing it. Sometimes just having someone to talk to is enough, even if the topic isn't a good one and you feel like sh!t.

You are doing well mate. Baby steps.
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Old 28th September 2015, 07:17 PM   #1920
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

How do pal hope your ok, I always arranged our many holidays which is why they were so good, she always said so and always thanked me which she didn't have to do, just the thought she had enjoyed them as much as me was enough, but the emotional and physical aspect of doing this has tired me out hence my night in tonight, but had a reasonable day today got the bus in to Palma and walked about a bit, it was flaming hot so stopped had a bite to eat and mooched around, got the bus back here to the local Spanish hang out and had a blast, 2 pints each of pumped up gassy p-ss (I don't like lager but hobsons), 5 glasses of wine each, 5 tapas each ruddy delicious totally addicted to chorizo, manchego, and morcilla, flaming 17 ewros between us try doing that in blighty, got back was sitting on my balcony pre-afternoon siesta minding my own business and guess what ?, young local couple in the public park next door having full on totally naked sex in broad day light, couldn't believe my eyes, anyone could of clocked em back scuttling away happy as larry wand waving and pink winking, she looked about 16, him about 20 ish, randy bl--ders, then it clouded over and started lagging it down, quickly cooled his ardour ( yes correct spelling) I don't know youngsters today , I never did owt like that when I was their age , night in tonight with more manchego, chorizo, anchovies, and a nice bottle of fino.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 28th September 2015 at 08:39 PM.
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