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Old 8th April 2013, 05:25 PM   #76
Raymond
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

The boy through himself into fire and then water. I knew an epileptic once. He was on a christian camp with us. Early one morning he went down to the beach, folded his clothes neatly and went into the sea. His body was found later dashed against the rocks. Nobody had known that they were drawn to water. He had been offered deliverance ministry but never ever took it up.

I also worked with one at work who I found more than once reeling on the floor in the basement safe having a fit, papers everywhere. He died later although I do not know the circumstances.

I don't see the connection to epilepsy here to be honest.
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Old 8th April 2013, 06:41 PM   #77
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

I was absolutely NOT connecting it to epilepsy Raymond...I was connecting it to deliverance in general. There are physiological ailments that can be treated by the medical community...then there are conditions that are the result of an "open door" to demonic activity...where someone was very vulnerable. I was using that Scripture to get your attention.
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Old 8th April 2013, 07:05 PM   #78
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

You don't need my attention Forever. I am always aware of that anyway. It is not always practical to dwell on that until it shows up in a person's walk with God. We are at bottom base on here. You are probably correct and I believe Chosen is aware of this as well. These things show up when you are coming to the light. The world will not understand it however and will think we are mad. I have many things to say to you but you cannot take them now?
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Old 8th April 2013, 07:16 PM   #79
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Perhaps then, Freddie will somehow see the connection in the future and ask for help. I know that his wife discerns that spiritual connection amazingly already. I can only hope that Freddie will "see" it too.

If you will take note, Jesus did not limit His ministry strictly to those who were "already" in the light...He helped all those who came to Him...even those who could not. But that is a different subject.
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Old 8th April 2013, 07:40 PM   #80
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

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At the risk of coming off as being weird....

The medical community labels behavior so as to identify common symptoms and treat those accordingly. They "classify" basically so it can be understood as to what a person suffers from.

They completely throw out what cannot be scientifically proven ie the "spiritual" considerations...because those cannot be scientifically proven although it is clearly seen and presented as "symptoms". Of course, many things we suffer from do actually have a physiological cause such as Dementia, Alzheimer, and the like due to the breakdown of bodily functions.

This classification is understandable, though not always helpful, because they then have to resort to medicating a person to control their behavior.

I find it interesting that your wife reached out to "religion" for answers to some of her worse behavior...of course, this does not in itself help because no one knows the depth of her problem simply by her showing up to a church or reciting a prayer that she does not comprehend...BUT, could she be reaching perhaps because she has an "inkling" that her problem results from an "open door" caused from maltreatment in her childhood and lack of coping skills? Could that be a cry for help on the spiritual level?

What I mean by "open door" is specifically demonic activity or influence if you will. This is something that is not understood in many "ailments" of what is otherwise diagnosed by the medical community as being a "disease" or disorder.

Can you sit her down at some point and ask her what she thinks about that possibility? The possibility that there are spiritual influences at work wreaking havoc in her mind and soul...or better yet in "other people's" so as to not alarm her? I am not suggesting that you come off as making her think that she is crazy...she is not. What I am asking for you to consider is the fact that there are "forces" at work that are unseen but REAL.

I have seen and experienced many such manifestations over the years...and twice have suffered the effects of them. I can elaborate if you are interested, otherwise, I can leave off the subject.
Hi, I am trying to elucidate on your writing in terms of whether you think that demonic things do relate to the supernatural. I do not believe in any of this stuff. I may believe that there is a soul and that is it.

I will not suggest to my wife these spiritual things (even if she wanted to discuss them) that will only confuse her further and alarm her. The only thing I will ever say to her is that she should go to at least one therapy session to see how it goes.

Of course she went to church asking for help. But what kind of help? she may never tell me. Was she asking god for help to get her own way? Was she asking him to show her the right way? Was she asking him to make the decision to end the affair? I have to confess I have asked god to help me get my real wife back.
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Old 8th April 2013, 07:55 PM   #81
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Fair enough then. You do believe there is a God whom you can "talk" to then...and you do believe that we all have "souls" yes? However, you do NOT believe there are "darker" forces ie "evil entities" at work in our lives...is that my understanding of what you think?

You are right that you do not know why your wife went to church...to manipulate God or to get forgiveness or what if she did not get specific. But she did not go there if she did not realize that there is a Power to address...whatever it was that she wanted from Him.

Maybe that is a "start" and maybe it will lead to something further that may benefit her soul in the future. I can only hope so.

We often have to "dance" around this kind of subject because of there being so many "unbelieving" "believers" out there that come here. But if we do not ask, then we cannot help.
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Old 8th April 2013, 08:37 PM   #82
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

I do mention certain healing centres in the UK from time to time which Chosen is aware of also. They will counsel for healing in a balanced way. They are aware of the demonic if need be but emphasis is on relationship with God and teaching out of which come all the other benefits of healing. Unbelievers are welcome to healing days as a kind of taster. I would not say that all churches have that dimension although some have.
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Old 8th April 2013, 08:45 PM   #83
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Well, Freddie is "closed" on that topic as you can see...so he will have to try and get the diagnosis via a psychologist separately from his wife...as Downtown has pointed out the reasons why.

From there what??? Nice to know what the psychologist has to say, but how does that help? Let's say she has BPD as described in text book clarity...so then what? Let's say she goes to therapy and spins them into a pretzel for years...Downtown has spent $200K and gotten no where because for 50 minutes his wife could sit there and never show her true "self".

Freddies wife has already filed for divorce...but that means nothing really. She and he could be legally divorced and live together indefinately regardless. So that accomplishes nothing...just gives her an "out" for persuing relationships in his face to have to deal with.
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Old 8th April 2013, 09:21 PM   #84
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Where is Downtown today?

Forever and Raymond: I am glad you appreciate I do not wish to pursue the metaphysical side of this discussion.

Now I wish to ask for advice on how to approach my wife assuming she has 'something' which I hope is not as strong as Downtown's wife's BPD.

At the time that my wife was still in that relationship with the OM, my attitude towards her was very strong: I had to make her realise that I did not approve, in any way, of it. I was hostile and applied the so called 180 degree stance on her. I would not even let her in my car. When their relationship was over I started changing my attitude to one of willingness to talk, I also had to let her know that I was approachable then. But she became angry and hostile due to my part in the break up. In any event, I had to be firm as she still was pursuing her court petition to get me out of the house.

Now I wonder how to deal with her, should I still be firm or should I act as if I am understanding of her 'condition' and try to approach her with soothing words, even if she is hostile. I am going to collecy her and the kids on Thursday. As I asked her to withdraw her court petition, and she has not done it, I thought of telling her that she was not prepared to do this for the girls and herself and, therefore, she is not welcome in my car and I do not feel any obligation to do things for her. I was going to tell her to make her own way home (take the train). Is this too strong? Should I act like someone sympathetic to her inabilty to do things for her family and just take her home and even try to be nice to her? "Did you have a nice holiday?". I also need to avoid giving her signs of weakness. I think if she was interested to consider coming back to me, she would not want a wimp but a strong man. I do not know what my stance should be.

Downtown: When you learned about your wife's condition, did you change your attitude towards her? if so, from what to what?

Thanks all for the further feed-back
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Old 8th April 2013, 09:58 PM   #85
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

We dont know where anyone is or when anyone will come to the forum...we are all over the world and come here on our own to help or get help.


I think Downtown just recently mentioned when I asked him that question... that looking back, he "enabled" his ex wife to act worse than what she would have done if he had understood what ailed her...being like that of a four year old and splitting white or black at a seconds notice...I think he had already been thrown in jail and had a restraining order out against him for a 18 month duration by the time he found out about her "condition"...not too clear about that because he said on page 5 of your thread, that he established stronger personal boundaries...but I dont know if that was during the divorce process after he "left" or not. I suppose the danger is that she is not a four year old but a grown woman that can do a lot of damage if provoked.

As far as doing the 180...your girls need to get home safely regardless...do you want your wife to have a melt down with the girls in tow? There is plenty of time for a 180...but I would think it best not to set her up for a rage when the girls are very vulnerable...what do you think??

How did the 180 work otherwise?

Last edited by Forever; 8th April 2013 at 10:15 PM.
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Old 8th April 2013, 10:59 PM   #86
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

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.
Sorry Forever, but sometimes I just have no idea what you are talking about
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Old 8th April 2013, 11:15 PM   #87
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Well, you had asked how Downtown's attitude may have changed once he realized what was wrong with his wife...so looking on page 5 of your thread, I had asked him the same thing.

He had answered that "I therefor had to place stronger personal boundaries and learned to enforce them"...but I am not clear as to whether or not that was AFTER he had been jailed and restrained from his own home for 18 months, and after his wife already had filed for divorce...or BEFORE when he was trying to deal with her whilst still being together.

Last edited by Forever; 8th April 2013 at 11:23 PM.
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Old 8th April 2013, 11:19 PM   #88
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

[QUOTE=Forever;74702
As far as doing the 180...your girls need to get home safely regardless...do you want your wife to have a melt down with the girls in tow? There is plenty of time for a 180...but I would think it best not to set her up for a rage when the girls are very vulnerable...what do you think??
[/QUOTE]

Does this help you to make that call about taking a stance when she and the girls arrive?
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Old 8th April 2013, 11:30 PM   #89
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

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Does this help you to make that call about taking a stance when she and the girls arrive?
I said in my previous postings that I did the 180 when she was with the OM but that I started being friendlier after they broke up. The 180 may have worked, in terms of adding to her worries (this was at the time she turned to the church). I was not thinking of applying the 180 wheh they return from the holiday. I was thinking more like "if you talk to me, I will respond, otherwise it will be silence again for 3.5 hours in the car", but I do not know if I should try to be nicer to someone I know is carrying all that baggage, in both senses of the word.
Then the following day we can talk a lot to each other, through the barristers in court. I wanted to talk about all those things but in the sofa at home.
My wife has now replaced the police (now that she is known as cry wolf in the area) with her solicitor to do her dirty work. The only thing is now the solicitors are extracting from her a lot of money that should go to the children.
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Old 8th April 2013, 11:39 PM   #90
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Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Oh I see...I thought you were considering making her and the girls "make their own way home (take a train)"...and thought that might be a bit extreme due to the girls being in tow and stressing your wife out.

If Downtown is correct, I would think that if you view her as a four year old in a woman's body, then giving her the silent treatment will accomplish nothing except perhaps causing a fight once she "calls" you on your silence. Maybe you can restrict all of your conversation to directing it to the girls...asking THEM lots of questions.

That is a hard stand to take if you are believing your wife to have the emotional development of a four year old. Even four year old's need love...then again, they don't cheat on anyone either, so you have to draw the line somewhere.

As long as your wife lives under your roof, I would think that you would want there to be a measure of peace in spite of her filing for divorce.
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