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Old 24th April 2006, 10:35 PM   #1
blessing
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Question deserted by husband

ANY ADVICE FOR ?

I have been deserted by my H two weeks after he received his permitt to stay permenantly in the UK as my spouse. When I look back now I can see all the ways he used me to gain this privilage.
Does anyone think that divorce and re marraige would be allowed in a case like this for me as a believer?
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Old 3rd May 2006, 12:19 AM   #2
Soulful
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Re: deserted by husband

This is a good example of why it's not a good idea to hold too tight to religion in general or the bible in particular. The GUYS who wrote the bible had no concept of a lot of things (including immigration fraud) and thus they left it out.

Statutory law in the UK will provide you with the right to a divorce and the option to remarry.

I suggest you exercise both, report this gentleman as a fraud to the immigration authorities, and then use better judgment next time.

Have a nice day.



S
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Old 3rd May 2006, 05:24 PM   #3
Jonas
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Re: deserted by husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soulful
This is a good example of why it's not a good idea to hold too tight to religion in general or the bible in particular. The GUYS who wrote the bible had no concept of a lot of things (including immigration fraud) and thus they left it out.
You are right in saying that many problems didn't quite yet exist during the time of evolvement of the bible. But the situation Blessing finds herself in is about marriage and separation, and this is treated in the scriptures. I think it doesn't matter whether immigration is involved or not; marriage is marriage, biblically speaking, and in any case, it is beneficial for the believer to inquire into scripture to find out what God thinks about these things. That an inquiry will reveal that a marriage can be undone, will very likely strike most people as unscriptural, but it is not (it is what an earnest student will find if consulting holy writ in a reverent manner).

A whole different question in this regard, then, is the one concerning what is pleasing to God. Does it please Him if people marry and divorce? Of course not. But this doesn't mean that marriage can't be undone.

Jonas

Last edited by Jonas; 4th May 2006 at 07:08 AM.
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Old 3rd May 2006, 06:16 PM   #4
Soulful
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Re: deserted by husband

So what you are saying is that it is pleasing to god that this woman had a fraud perpetrated on her and has now been abandoned and it is important to him that she stay alone for the rest of her life.

Some god.

The universe could not be so poorly designed.

The reality is that where the "things pleasing to god" lead to a lifetime of unhappiness, they should be abandoned. No loving god could so intend. Either he was misinterpreted or we see the human objectives of those who wrote the bible.

Go forth and be free. Seek happiness and the pleasure of a loving, healthy marriage. If "god" can not get past this fraud as the original poster will have to then god should be included in the divorce.

Have a great day!!

Soulful
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Old 3rd May 2006, 10:08 PM   #5
Jonas
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Re: deserted by husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soulful
So what you are saying is that it is pleasing to god that this woman had a fraud perpetrated on her and has now been abandoned and it is important to him that she stay alone for the rest of her life.
No. I intended to say that, scripturally speaking, a married couple can divorce, thus making the persons involved unmarried. If the persons are unmarried, they can remarry. And all this is appart from what is involved, whether it is immigration, hardheartedness, or anything.

It is not pleasing God that Blessing was tricked into a marriage for that guy's own ends. But it is as unpleasing to God, and at the same time not good or healthy for those involved, that marriages are entered into which are divorced after some time or entered into for selfish reasons.

Jonas
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Old 3rd May 2006, 11:58 PM   #6
Soulful
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Re: deserted by husband

Ok.....

I have heard some of the fundamentalist types prattle on how once married you have your "spiritual" spouse and can not divorce, let alone remarry. Ever.

I heard one tell a phone caller on a radio show that even though her husband had a life prison sentance for murder she could not divorce him. It was truly absurd.

The bible, at mimimum, must be interpreted to provide solutions in people's lives, not problems.

Soulful
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Old 4th May 2006, 07:05 AM   #7
Jonas
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Re: deserted by husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soulful
Ok.....

I have heard some of the fundamentalist types prattle on how once married you have your "spiritual" spouse and can not divorce, let alone remarry. Ever.

I heard one tell a phone caller on a radio show that even though her husband had a life prison sentance for murder she could not divorce him. It was truly absurd.
I agree, it is absurd and not supportable by scripture. And yes, my post to which you reacted so outraged was worded badly. I didn't realise that when I wrote it. Sorry. I corrected it, it should sound clearer now.

There is no such phrase as "spiritual spouse" or anything close to "married in the eyes of God, but divorced in those of men" in the bible. This should make us think, and wary of anyone who uses them, strongly doubting that such teaching is in the scriptures.

Jonas

Last edited by Jonas; 4th May 2006 at 11:34 AM.
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Old 14th October 2006, 09:55 AM   #8
pattenni
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Re: deserted by husband

I was deserted by my husband of 15 years, 5 weeks ago.
He is a policeman, and went had to deal with a fatal accident and then tell wives parents etc.
The same week end Steve Irwin and another famous australian died.
He walk out and left a note, no warning.
Then came back the next day, said he wanted to try again then woke me at 3.30 am and said that he had made a mistake and was leaving again.
He said he had a relationship a few months before but that he didn't have sex!
We are communicating only by email, and he says he is never coming back and that its all my fault.
I have cried, try suicide, I am bitter, hurt, afraid and don't know what the future holds. I am still hanging out for him to come back and he is meant to be a committed christian
any ideas, or am I just telling the same old story?
ladyp
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Old 31st October 2006, 11:35 PM   #9
Helen
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Re: deserted by husband

Patteni,

Sorry I missed your post. Sometimes posts do not show up as new for some reason. No, you are not telling the same old story. Your story might be old to some of us but it is new to some of us and for you and, for this reason, it matters.

What has happened here is not your fault. It is your husband's. He says the situation is your fault? HOW? Has he had the manners to tell you? If not, I would suggest you tell him this and ask him to get off your back - you feel bad enough without him trying to crush what is left of your spirit! My gut tells me he left because he wanted to. It wasn't because of you necessarily (obviously I don't know enough about your marriage to make an informed guess). I suspect his job and the deaths of several famous people made him question his life in some way. Sometimes people start to ask if there is more to their lives when they are faced with tragedy on a daily basis.

You mentioned your husband talking to this widow. Do you think she has anythng to do with his sudden departure and unhappiness? Sometimes men react in weird ways to women's tears. Maybe he felt a strong urge to comfort her. Maybe the act of comforting her made him feel differently about you? I am not suggesting he is having an affair. I just think the timing of this change in him is significant...

I am sorry to read that you tried suicide. Let me tell you something. Your husband is but a man. Yes, I know you feel dreadful about what has happened. But NO man is worth suicide. Trust me. I speak as someone who was pretty suicidal after my own marriage went pearshaped. In the end I asked myself what the heck I was doing! My ex husband (because we are now divorced) was not the be all and end all. I just invested this in him because I could not envisage a life without him after more than 20 years. Today, I am glad we are no longer married. Honestly. He was bad for me because he had too many issues that he wasn't willing to work on - far too many for someone like me to deal with for another 20+ years!

I understand that you feel bad and I also understand why you do. But trust me - you will feel better one day. Just accept those bad feelings for what they are. You are mourning the death of your marriage. What has happened to you is akin to a death. You are in shock. And you are mourning what might have been. Like death, the feelings will be less acute over time. Trust me. For proof, have a look at a thread in the 'Marriage Help' area titled 'Moving on after a separation'. It is filled with 'survivors' who have walked in your shoes. We all pulled together and helped each other through difficult times, baffling times. We can help you too.

Do take care,


Helen
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