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Old 30th January 2010, 03:22 AM   #76
Ageing Grace
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

You. Are. Amazing.

The work you're doing on your own psyche, Oliver, is incredible. Your wife must be thinking, by now, she'd be crazy not to make the most of you. But the main point, as you say yourself, is your own spiritual & emotional development - however your story plays out, your response to this challenge will enrich your future. Good for you

It worries me when people talk of unconditional love for their partner. Love without terms is only for children (and god, since you're a churchgoer). As you're so clearly putting a lot of thought into this, I trust you meant 'unconditional' in the sense of not bearing grudges for your wife's earlier liaison?

All the best, Oliver. Thank you for the updates.
AG
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Old 30th January 2010, 03:38 AM   #77
koliver0821
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

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It worries me when people talk of unconditional love for their partner. Love without terms is only for children (and god, since you're a churchgoer). As you're so clearly putting a lot of thought into this, I trust you meant 'unconditional' in the sense of not bearing grudges for your wife's earlier liaison?

AG
Actually, Perhaps you are right. I've always considered myself to be a fair person and that I wouldn't hold grudges. However, I really know that I do. I guess what Im saying is that I love my wife, warts and all. I was more surprised that the revelation that she had an affair didnt kill me. In fact, it more or less energized me. I can't explain it. well maybe I can, I think I was placing so much blame on myself that i was causing my self to be overwhelmed. Now, I will just love. Feeling free to talk about my feelings and insecurities that for so long, I havent been able to do.

I suppose I should proceed with caution. I dont mean that I forgive my wife easily. Obviously, there is work to be done to rebuild our relationship. I think for the first time, I'm actually seeing my wife trying. I wasnt so sure before.

To throw all the monkey wrenches into the mix, my wife and I had sex yesterday. It was probably a bad idea considering the place we were both at. (Her not sure of her love and me not trusting.) However, I take comfort in two things. She said it was amazing. I guess our ability to make love didnt suffer that much. Two, I was shaking. It was much more of an emotional release than a sexual one. I was still hurting, but I truly dont think my wife would make love to me just to fulfill a sexual need. I think her feelings of love are there. I just have to work and be patient to have her feel them again.
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Old 30th January 2010, 01:12 PM   #78
Raymond
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

It all makes so much more sense to me now. Her affair I mean. Why we didn't think of that I don't know.

That she has confessed it voluntarily shows she is repentant and wants to put it behind her. That you are ready to forgive her bodes well for the future.

I believe things will now flow much more between you. Having an affair is a devastating thing and can blow couples apart. I really hope you can now both go on from this and grow ever closer together. I think you will as something has been removed through her willing to be honest.

That you now observe that she is trying is good. Something to do with her confession I would say. Your forgiveness of her speaks volumes on your character.

Regarding unconditional love. That is exactly what I practice and what DW practices as well, or at least the best we can. Obviously if adultery or an affair happened one would be cut off to a certain extent from the romantic love of the other partner, but wanting the best for them does continue as that is the love that God gives us. If both have unconditional love it will never happen, an affair I mean.

Love doesn't seek it's own if it is real but of course it rejoices in reciprocation.

Raymond
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Old 30th January 2010, 03:20 PM   #79
koliver0821
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

Raymond, I know I thought about. I questioned her quite a few times. Times when we were revealing our deepest emotions. I guess she wasn't ready to tell me. Surprised that she waited until I was really hurting about the separation to finally tell me. Truthfully, at this moment, I dont really think about it. My ability to forgive her for what I originally believed to be the worst she could do to me is something I will learn to communicate to her.

I guess its interesting that at one time, my wife was jealous of all women who were in my life. I would talk openly about people I met on the train. Some of these people would even call me or send a random text message. Of course, when they were doing that, they were really forwarding jokes or stupid phrases. Nothing of any real substance. They were nothing more than friends. I would talk about my family life and lack of social life (due to our responsibilities.)

I find my reaction to the news puzzling to me. I can't explain why I wasn't devestated. I mean I guess the pains of hurt finally crashed upon the shore in the morning since I was openly sobbing. Though, I really feel I wasn't sobbing over the news that she had an affair. I was really sobbing because I may have unintentionally caused her to look elsewhere for attention. I made the mistake of not properly putting my wife on the pedalstal that she deserves.

Now, she admitted to me about the person she had this affair with. But with that affair being over for months now, Im wondering about the whole need for space at the current time. Im hoping (ok praying) that the reason is her doubt in herself. I think she is doubting her love for me in the sense that she can't believe she cheated on me. That she feels like she isnt the person she used to be. Heck, maybe she is not. But at the same time, I know that the person I love is still there. And perhaps needs a hand to be built back up. Im certainly willing to assist in her healing process.

Im not sure how I should be acting. I mean, I am willing to forgive. However, I did check out this guy that my wife had this affair with. The guy has a goatee. My wife for years told me she didnt like facial hair. To this day she likes me clean shaven. She doesnt like tattoos, but this guy had tons of tattoos. I think that one detail led me to believe that something was going on between them. My wife was thinking about getting a tattoo. In fact, she was thinking of getting one on her lower back. Now, not sure what they call that in the UK but here in the states, we call them Tramp Stamps. I kept calling it that but she kept asking me if it was sexy. I told her what they are called and she kinda laughed. I told her that she doesn't need one to be sexy. That she is sexy as she is. (sorry I digress!!)

Now with that being said, at that time, i was probably in the worst condition of my life. My weight was the highest its ever been. I was miserable. Definitely didnt love myself though i put on a brave front. I was depressed about lots of things. Even some strain was beginning to come on our relationship. I was complaining to my wife that she was going out alot. She had called out sick from work to go out with friends. I had asked her to call out sick somedays to go out with other couples but she couldnt seem to get those days off. I didnt tell her it was because I wanted to spend time with her. I told her it that some of those days, I would like to go out wiht my friends too. As the months went on, even recently, my wife had called out sick to work to hang out with her cousin. I think I may be having some problems with that. I know I am willing to forgive, but my gut is telling me to inquire more. Like it was easier to admit the first affair as its already broken off. But if there is someone else now.... I just dont know. In some respects, it makes me wonder if I should be around for her when she wants to go out with her "cousin". For instance, the meetings before with her cousin were in fact with this guy she was having the affair with.

For me, I've lost 45 pounds since June 1st of last year. Im probably in the same shape I was in when I was playing college soccer here in the USA. I feel tons better about who I am from a "looks" standpoint. I know I need to build myself confidence up. That transformation has been going on since my wife's idea of a separation. I told her, that regardless of the outcome, I know in my heart that I did everything possible to make it work. If it doesnt work, it wont be because I didnt try. But I also know that if it doesn't work, Ill be in a much better place for me than I was before.

Last edited by koliver0821; 30th January 2010 at 03:31 PM. Reason: adding more
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Old 30th January 2010, 05:16 PM   #80
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

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Originally Posted by koliver0821 View Post
I was really sobbing because I may have unintentionally caused her to look elsewhere for attention. I made the mistake of not properly putting my wife on the pedalstal that she deserves.

For me, I've lost 45 pounds since June 1st of last year. Im probably in the same shape I was in when I was playing college soccer here in the USA. I feel tons better about who I am from a "looks" standpoint. I know I need to build myself confidence up. That transformation has been going on since my wife's idea of a separation. I told her, that regardless of the outcome, I know in my heart that I did everything possible to make it work. If it doesnt work, it wont be because I didnt try. But I also know that if it doesn't work, Ill be in a much better place for me than I was before.
Do you think we may have been separated at birth kol?
It could have been me recounting the above (even down to the lost 45lbs, although mine was since September last year , I never went to college or even played soccer though come to think of it); spooky 'eh

I guess what I am saying is that I feel you buddy and it REALLY sucks don't it (I am doing my best to sound like one of your country men; how am I doing?)
Hang on in there, you are doing well, Stay Strong
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Old 30th January 2010, 05:38 PM   #81
koliver0821
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

Thanks, At this very moment, Im letting this revelation beat me up a little. Actually wrong word. Eat me up. The need for space is interesting to me only because I wasnt crowding her. I was only asking for her to include me. She came forth with an "affair" but like I said, Maybe it was easier to come forth with an affair that is over versus one that may be in the making, or worse......

The weight loss was done for me. I started thinking about my health and truthfully, my wife suggested I try Jenny Craig. It worked for me. It was a little unsettling at first being the only guy at Jenny Craig but thats when I stopped caring what other people thought. And the rest was hard work at the gym. Though I must admit, In order to go to the gym, I sacrificed some home life at times too. (Obviously!) I always said the gym for me was not so much about being physically happy but more for stress reduction. id come home to the hectic lifestyle that my wife and I created (the children we both love tremendously.)

Anyway, IM now domesticated. I've been sweeping and mopping floors. Checking on the bathrooms making sure what we should have in their. Taking out the trash (ive always done that but maybe I needed to be reminded sometimes). Doing laundry for my wife and kids. (i dont know why im not doing mine until theres are down considering Im the one who has to leave the house for a few days, but thats a subject for my shrink next week.) Of course, I started doing these things to have my wife notice. Now, Im doing it to fill the time to stop me from thinking about our situation all the time. That, and maybe a small part of me (or bigger part than Im willing to admit) enjoys getting stuff done around the house.
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Old 30th January 2010, 11:40 PM   #82
Raymond
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

Oliver I read your reply to me. In it you ask the question is she having another affair now? That really shocked me as I thought she had confessed the one that she ended and was now beginning to respond to you.

You seem like a person who takes the blame for everything even your wifes affair. Is that right? I mean she was being unfaithful. It is good to find out the reasons that could have precipitated her looking for comfort somewhere else but a lot of the blame is with her. One cannot actually justify unfaithfulness and take all the blame.

The more pressing issue is what is she up to now? If you have her repentance over the affair why can't you now be back together? I hope you are wrong in your surmisings but you have to find out what is going on in order that you can trust her fully. There were signs that you were becoming closer again and her confession I believe is all part of that.

Raymond
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Old 31st January 2010, 12:01 PM   #83
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

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Oliver I read your reply to me. In it you ask the question is she having another affair now? That really shocked me as I thought she had confessed the one that she ended and was now beginning to respond to you.

You seem like a person who takes the blame for everything even your wifes affair. Is that right? I mean she was being unfaithful. It is good to find out the reasons that could have precipitated her looking for comfort somewhere else but a lot of the blame is with her. One cannot actually justify unfaithfulness and take all the blame.

The more pressing issue is what is she up to now? If you have her repentance over the affair why can't you now be back together? I hope you are wrong in your surmisings but you have to find out what is going on in order that you can trust her fully. There were signs that you were becoming closer again and her confession I believe is all part of that.

Raymond
Raymond, you are exactly right. I have been beating myself up for weeks on our split. Yes, she did confess about the affair. However, the need for her to go out wiht her friends/cousin even recently is making me think other things. However, I think that. NO I mean I know that is part of my healing process. I have to regain trust in her. I can forgive the affair but I also know I need to rebuild that trust.

I agree there are signs that we are becoming closer again. I truly believe that. I think that the affair she had was a roadblock to our communication and that we as a couple couldn't fully heal and build a solid foundation until that was done. I expressed my hurt the following morning. I was crying my eyes out and I tried to take as much of the blame for pushing her away.

Its funny, how can this affair actually make me feel better? I tell you why. I was thinking about this for awhile. I was beating myself up for the failures in communication in our relationship. I admit, I had some growing up to do but I was also dealing with my own self esteem issues. However, with that being said, I now know that I shouldn't be taking the blame. It does take two to shake the foundations of a relationship. If anything, my self esteem issues allowed my wife to put most of the blame on me. I stopped taking all the blame (with the exception of the first night she told me) I talk to my therapist and feel tired. My mind wasnt racing.

As for my feelings right now. I'll admit, I love my wife more than ever. However, I also have some resentment in how she communicated with me recently. before the affair was mentioned, It was all about how terrible I was. That I wasn't doing enough around the house, with the kids, etc. The funny thing is, my wife wasn't able to see that she was doing the same things I had been doing. She was yelling at the kids. Had a short fuse for everything. Was always tired.

For about a month, our friends were trying to organize a night out. These friends are our couple friends. They have children that are our kids ages. We've shared alot of laughs and lots of beers. I was really worried about this outing since our difficulties in our marriage came to a head. My wife told me about the outing as it was organized by the wives. It happened to fall on a weekend where my wife would be working. I was using it as a barometer of progress in our relationship. If it was important enough, she would have found a way to make it. Unfortunately, since our problems have come to the surface, she has taken days off for personal mental recovery. The issue with that is it left her unable to get the day off. She was struggling trying to get the day off. I actually could see her trying. (it made me feel good).

I was sitting down in the living room and turned on the fireplace. I turned off the lights and was listening to some soundscapes trying to breathe. I was hurting as I figured she was showering and getting ready for work. When she came down, she was dressed in her scrubs. I could feel my heart drop. I was definitely disappointed. I started tearing up. She came up to me and hugged me but something strange happened.

Instead of her consoling me, she began sobbing uncontrollably. Both of us were sitting in our living room crying our eyes out but in that instant, I felt better. She was crying because of her hurt, not because of my hurt. She was sorry for disappointing me. She continued to cry and said she was so sorry. It made me realize that part what made me cry after she admitted the affair was that she didnt cry. (Strangely either did I)

Our kids saw this display and started surrounding us. She was still crying but my son hugged us both. Then my youngest and then my oldest girls started hugging us. I heard my wife apologize to each of them and that she really loves them. With all of this going on, I was feeling stronger. I am consoling her.

Eventually, my parents who my wife had called to come watch the kids so we could go out, arrive. Its easy to tell that my wife had been crying. My parents ask if everything is alright. They are aware of most of the situation (not her affair) and are trying to be supportive. I kiss my wife several times and she is kissing me back. When she finally leaves to go to work, I talk to my parents and I told them this. I WAS GLAD SHE WAS CRYING. I think what has caused me to hurt after every phone call and the times I leave my house in the morning for work is that I dont see her hurting. Its wrong for me to want to see her hurt, but from an emotional standpoint, she so needed to do this.

I think things will get better between my wife and I. Not suggesting that she will not require space right now. She is feeling as low as someone can feel right now. She actually said she was jealous of where I am right now. She can sense how positive and how much better I feel. The funny part of this is when we first met, from the day we met, she filled me with confidence just by being in my life. And although the very foundations of our relationship may be crumbling in every aspect, she has found a way for me find my confidence again. (though, id rather it have been in some other fashion LOL) The power of Love is an amazing thing. I am able to do all things through him who gives me strength.
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Old 31st January 2010, 06:09 PM   #84
koliver0821
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

So I wanted to add something that was special to me today. My wife was able to make it the Church with me this morning. How ironic is this. It was about St. Pauls letter to the Corinthians. About Love.

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

I teared up during this reading. Of course this was one of the readings during our marriage. My wife asked if I was ok and I proudly said yes even with some tears swelling in my eyes. After the mass, Michelle asked me if I had slipped anyone at the church money to talk specifically about that reading. I think the words hit home.

No joke, I would not consider myself a deeply religious man. However, I have turned to the Lord for guidance and must say from that point on, I've felt alive.
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Old 1st February 2010, 12:51 PM   #85
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

Just wanted to say I feel good right now. I've had some bad thoughts recently but IM guessing that is par for the course regarding affairs. I didnt really pick up on the signs at the time of the affair. Actually I did but my wife was really good at making me feel bad for even suggesting that she would do it. I didnt attack her when i saw things that bothered me but I did have a discussion. But since she wasn't truthful with me at the time, we couldn't start healing before the affair happened.

I am growing as a person. I still need to focus on me and I think thats why I left so content from my therapy session on Thursday. It was just amazing that I wasnt feeling down. I believe signs are pointing in the right direction for my wife and I. I need her to communicate with me without fear of hurting me. I also have to do the same thing. We are finally getting to the basic truth. The greatest of these are love.
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Old 1st February 2010, 01:03 PM   #86
Raymond
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

Two beautiful posts Oliver. It seems that your wife has found the tears of repentance needed. It is lovely that she was at your side in church listening to that passage of love. Is God speaking to you or what?

Relationship to christ was always the answer in my view. I think if you get that right she will follow. Think three ply cord.

Hopefully your trust of her can grow but that is partly up to her to restore your trust as well by showing herself trustworthy.

You have been through a lot. Hopefully you will be coming out of this and things will get more positive.

Raymond
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Old 1st February 2010, 03:59 PM   #87
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

And more good news. Last night before she left to work, we were just holding each other. I wasn't really in the mood for an emotional talk, (I've been eating myself alive with some frustration over her affair.) I have some questions I need to ask but I don't want to dwell on it. So we just talked about my night out with our friends (where I went without her) and what I did that day with the kids. We even joked again about the mass we went to. Please don't get me wrong, my wife has always been a religious woman. Its tough as heck for her to make it through the morning after being up all night working. So we may change when we go to mass. (Looks like Saturday afternoon). I did tell her I had some unpleasant things to talk about.

I asked her what are we doing about the upcoming week. Should I go to my parents house again this week? She said she wasn't sure. (it was a little disappointing to hear that but at the same time, it was a more hopeful answer.) In the past weeks, there was no hesitation. She would say I still need my space. it also opened the door to talk a little about her affair. I told her I will need to hear details. i will need answers to my questions that are honest, although probably tough to hear and may very well hurt me, and tough for her to talk about. I truly believe this was more an emotional affair than any physical one. not that it doesn't hurt the same way.

Why I bring it up now is that this morning, my wife said she had something to tell me. Honestly, I was afraid that it was more bad news. As if it could really get worse. Thats when she said, she wants me to move back in. (Not that I moved out in any real sense.) Im just glad that when I get home tonight, I will be able to pack my clothes in their proper drawers instead of living out of my college soccer duffle bag. (See I still have to grow up a little!!)

I know the road to marriage bliss has a few rocks in the way. I know that I still have lots to prove to my wife. That I am capable of stepping up my efforts around the house and being free to talk about my feelings. I told her I know Im not perfect and that I never claimed to be. My self confidence has been low for quite some time. I will need her to help build that up as well. Though, as usual, self love free from narcissism, will be my ultimate goal.

Thanks for all your support during these trying weeks. I will still be posting as in many ways its therapeutic and I hope to give some people hope that through love and communication, the darker days of marriage and relationships can always be brightened.
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Old 1st February 2010, 04:50 PM   #88
Raymond
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

Moving back in? Wow that's a move forward. It was always the next logical decision in my mind. That's really good news.

I always found it hard to get the distinction between loving yourself and narcissism. Some people hate themselves and denigrate themselves saying they are no good etc. That is obviously wrong. If Christ paid a price for us then we are worth a lot to Him and we should agree with what he says about us. Loving yourself and being kind to yourself are good things and show that we have good self esteem. A lot of people who have been brought up in good loving families automatically have this. I had to get mine from God but re-enforced with good relationships.

Pride is a different thing. A lot to do with self admiration. It is thinking we are more than what we are. Of course we are nothing without Him. Humility is not grovelling in the dust but just having a balanced opinion of oneself. Pride also puts ourselves above God and makes out we know better than Him. Actually the bible puts this as one of the chief faults and the biggest barrier to God. It takes a humble man to come to the cross receive forgiveness and confess his need of a Saviour.

Sorry your comment got me musing for a change and out it comes.

Your news is really great Oliver and things seem to be going from strength to strength just now. May it long continue.

Raymond
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Old 3rd February 2010, 04:16 PM   #89
koliver0821
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

Its been a couple of days since I posted. I know for the past few weeks that I've been doing everything possible to get my wife's attention. To let her know that I have changed. Honestly, I feel a lot better about myself and the change I've undergone. My wife thinks that the change was related to me being pushed out of the house. She really hadn't noticed that I was changing even before that. (Not that I'm complaining.)

I know it sounds weird considering how hard I was trying to get back in the house, but Im still wondering if me moving back is the best thing for her. The Lord knows I want to be there and my wife is definitely interested in working things out. But the line she used which caused all this drama in the first place keeps coming back to me. I love you but not sure im in love with you.

I realize that I'm desperately looking or needing attention from her. Mainly because this is what has been lacking in my relationship with my wife for the past month or two. I've never been like this before. I mean ever. I realize that Im acting "clingy". I understand it will probably take awhile for me to not feel this way. Considering how much I've been through emotionally this last couple of months.

I spoke to a psychiatrist yesterday. I will be taking some anti-depressant medication. once again, a big step for me considering I've never been able to ask people for help. Im sure he wasn't expecting me to do some brain dumping on him but I figure thats what they are there for!

I felt tired after speaking with him. Not exactly sure why. It wasn't an emotional conversation but maybe the past few weeks are catching up to me in the sleep department. I was excited to see my wife.

Yesterday, I decided I was going to cook. (this was something ive never really done so I wanted to show Michelle I was willing to do anything.) Last week I made Baked Mac and Cheese and today I decided to surprise her with American Chop Suey. (i know not heavy lifting in terms of actual cooking but to me it was). She had worked the night before so I "worked" from home to help out my wife. unfortunately, she didnt get much rest as I really had some work items to deal with and my youngest wanted Ice Cream at 10am when we didnt have any. (I normally would have said no on principal but to keep her from screaming and waking up my wife, I would have done it yesterday!) The Chop Suey was a hit! She loved it. I was proud of it too. It tasted darn good!!

As usually is the case, something during the day derails you in ways you wish it wouldn't. As i was talking to my wife, her cousin calls with her latest drama. (There is always drama.) An hour later, my wife is off the phone. And then her sister calls and she is also having drama. I can handle it from her sister. Its real drama and I truly love her as if she was my own sister. Of course, she wants to spend time with my wife. Alone. to Talk.... She decided to come over with her daughter. I was actually happy that she came over. We opened up some bottles of wine and we all felt a little relaxed. Of course, her cousin calls and has a need to see my wife. Her sister apparently is not a big fan of her cousin either. My wife has this issue about saying no to her cousin. Without fail, my wife agrees to drop off cake mix and frosting to her cousins friend and almost gets roped into going to her cousins house too. I could tell my wife didnt even want to answer the phone when she called. I guess thats a good sign. And she said after that she wouldn't be going over to her cousins house. (another good sign!)

When they came back, we went back to the wine(The 3 of us finished 2 bottles of wine) I know I was feeling good and amazingly felt sharp mentally even though I could feel some dulling effects from the wine. We were listening to music, helping the kids with homework. Talking about life. We even laughed about the events of the past few weeks. At my expense of course.

I had a heart to heart talk to my wife's sister. We talked about her situation with her husband (having many of the same issues my wife and I are having) I even suspect she is heavy into an emotional relationship (if not more) with someone else. Thats a subject for another time. However, part of the conversation was related to my wife and I. My wife had to go to the bathroom and I spilled my heart to her sister. The good news is that even her sister can sense a difference in me. However, I also told her that Im not sure if its really doing any good. (I mean I know it cant hurt our situation with my trying so hard) What Michelle is telling me is that she wants to have those feelings for me. The same feelings I have for her and that its going to take time.

So here are my questions to myself each time I see her: I wonder if she really loves me. Was her invitation to come back to the house another step in the right direction or does it have more to do with her needing help as well. Maybe she asked me back into the house because she knows its difficult for me living out of dufflebags.

We are planning a night out next weekend. My wife wants to find babysitters to watch our kids all weekend so we can spend time together. Im excited about this but I feel like it may be the time that my wife decides on what she feels for me. I think she loves me. but if she doesnt feel like she is, then she could decide that its over. That thought is scaring the crap out of me. Sorry for the brain dump. I'll be doing the same tonight in therapy.
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Old 3rd February 2010, 05:05 PM   #90
koliver0821
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Re: Understanding the need for Space?

Also about last night.

My wife and I were constantly kissing. Making out. I could tell that she was enjoying the kisses just by her mannerisms. We'd have small conversations about how much I love her and she would tell me she loves me too. HOWEVER, she would temper my enthusiasm at times. She told me that the alcohol helps. Meaning she was kissing me and wanting to be close with me because of the wine. I wont lie, the kisses were fantastic. Deep, passionate kisses. It probably would have led to much more if her sister and our kids weren't around or asleep. But for her to say that still kinda rang my insecurity bell.
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