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Old 21st February 2010, 08:40 PM   #1
Brotan
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An update

My husband and I separated in August 2008 and after 7.5 months apart we got back together. Its been 10 months now and a lot of hard work, a lot of joys and a lot of sorrows.

Within our relationship we are doing better - we consider each other more and spend more time together and realise what the other person is doing to hep the relationship even if it is not always what we need at the time. Seeing things that one first considered as duties as acts of love definitely has helped.

However life has been hard. I have been diagnosed with bipolar after another serious bout of depression and am on medication which is finally helping - I have had this disorder for about 14 years but have never got the right diagnosis and so never been treated correctly. Things are going better now fr my husband and me because of this.

My husband has been without permanent work for 20 months now and is seriously depressed but refusing treatment. He has lost a huge amount of self confidence. I have been without work since November but have a job close to our house starting the end of March - I am very scared about this.

I know that life is like this sometimes and that in a recession everyone has it hard, but it feels like we just need a bit of help and a bit of grace. Relationships take a huge amount of work and in the end I have found the work to pay off - my husband and I are a lot happier with each other. I just really wish that life would be a bit kinder so that we can enjoy our marriage and not have to work at it quite so hard at least for a little while.
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Old 23rd February 2010, 05:31 PM   #2
Brotan
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Re: An update

Jenn - really hope that you will get stabilised soon with all the meds that bipolar brings and that you will feel heppier soon. I hope you will be able to salvage your marriage too.

My husband got a job today! It has been 20 months since he last had one and I was beginning to feel he never would. Apparently he got the job from a contact I gave him while I was in the psychiatric hospital for bipolar. They told him yesterday there was no job, but he should come in and help them for a couple hours today and they would pay him. In the end they hired him. I am so happy and I think we both feel a huge relief. I think the job will suit him better than his previous one.
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Old 23rd February 2010, 07:49 PM   #3
lisa3159
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Re: An update

Brotan,

I am so glad your husband found a job. My husband is currently working, but for a temp agency and it's always uncertain as to whether or not he will have a permanent job someday. I understand your frustration.
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Old 23rd February 2010, 11:01 PM   #4
Ageing Grace
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Re: An update

Brotan, I'm so pleased to hear from you I didn't know you'd been diagnosed bipolar - alongside your diabetes, that would certainly account for the temper tantrums you first told us about - and blamed yourself so harshly for! Poor you.

It's good to hear about both your new jobs: things really do seem to be on the up for you. What a pity your husband won't consider medication for his depression; all the same, his job and the Spring (if it ever comes) should help his mood.

Wishing you all the best ... and a holiday
AG xx
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Old 23rd February 2010, 11:51 PM   #5
yogamad
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Re: An update

It's good to hear from you Brotan and I'm really glad things are working out well for you and your husband. Don't know if you've read any of my thread lately but things also seem to be working out for my H and I at long last.

My H was out of work for 5 months and that was long enough so 20 months must have been really hard for both of you. I'm really pleased you've both got jobs to focus on which should help mentally and financially.

Good luck and best wishes.

Yoga
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Old 24th February 2010, 01:20 PM   #6
jellybean28
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Re: An update

Good to hear from you Broton,

It's good to hear that things are working out for you. Make sure you keep taking good care of yourself.

If you can get outside for walks that can help your depression, even if it's for 10mins.

Take care

JB
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Old 24th February 2010, 07:11 PM   #7
Brotan
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Re: An update

Lisa hope your husband gets a more permanent job so you all feel more secure. My husbands job is also contracting so there is also little stability, but at the same time its better than no or only part timne work and I think they do that here so that they don't have to pay benefits like medical aid etc.

Yoga really glad to hear you and your husband are doing better. I have not been keeping up I am afraid but will try to catch up some now.

Ageing Grace I must admit I am doing much better on the medication I am on now - even my husband has been commenting - he asked me how I could handle the frustration of him not getting a job and not shout at him anymore. That being said, the meds don't fix everything and I do still have to watch myself and know when to take it easy - today I went really low at a psychologist appointment and behaved rather like a baby (which always happens) and I felt awful afterwards but not guilty since I really feel like I had done everything I could to look after myself and it had just happened. Some times I need to be hard on myself and other times a bit more gentle - I guess its called knowing my limitations. And its not so easy.

Jellybean we are heading into autumn here. We do get out quite a bit and even just lying on the grass during the day gives me both the rest and fresh air I need. Hope you are doing well.
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Old 17th March 2010, 07:12 PM   #8
Brotan
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Re: An update

Well my husband started work two days back and we are trying to settle into a new routine. I start work on 6 April and that will upset the routine yet again. We are having to get used to seeing very little of each other now especially considering how much we have been together in the past four months. There are definitely some advantages and disadvantages.

The bipolar is causing issues again and I have been having rapid mood swings - they seem to be settling a bit the last day or two, but are still unstable and I guess the meds need adjusting again. I am also anxious about starting the new job soon and this may also be affecting things. Its nice to have high energy levels and get lots done but not when it is accompanied by bad irritability and frustration. With my husband at work the irritability and anger is being expressed by me and to me so I am the one suffering from it most so hopefully it won't hurt our marriage. My husband also seems to be more understanding now too which is a relief.

He seems to be settling in at work and coping ok. We are thinking of trying to have another baby in a few more months time. (And that could upset the apple cart too although I won't mind that one - such is life I guess)
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