Wife has left, for good?
I am 64 years old, my wife is 45, and we have known each other for 12 years and have been married for ten years. We have no children, have taken early retirement in the country, and have an active social life. Since June last year I have been ill with cancer, hopefully now sorted out. During this time my wife has been caring for me, and has done a great job.
At Easter this year, with a days notice, she told me she was very depressed and having a nervous breakdown and needed some time on her own to ‘sort her head out’ and left to stay about 15 miles away. She says she wants to do things for herself, be on her own, live life to the full, she said she cares for me a great deal, that our age difference in not a problem, when pressed a little on the subject of love for me, says she cannot just stop loving me after 12 years. She says her passion for the marriage has gone; I know now that she has been thinking about leaving for a few months, but waited until I was a little better. She will not talk to me about why she feels this way, and I am reasonably sure she doesn’t know herself.
In 12 years, I never knew that she bottles things up inside her. She will not go to doctor or therapist, to seek help.
I am assuming, with input from my doctor, that she was not emotionally able to cope with my illness, and has turned against me, the house, sex and our life together. After a lot of self-examination I also think that I have been too mean spending money in our retirement on the house and the holidays abroad, we used to have.
After four months away she has just told me that she won’t be coming back; though surely it is silly making major decisions whilst under stress. I love her deeply, but I don’t know that I am able to wait for her to see if she changes her mind.
I am not intending to give up on her, but just what can I do?
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