Jane, a lot of what you are saying relates to my experiances as well. When I would tell my husband how I "feel" he would tell me that I "shouldn't feel that way..."
How does that remotely help!?!? It doesn't, of course, then you just "feel" that way and start "feeling" undervalued on top of it. Then you get angry, then sad, then your think your depressed... your "feeling" begin to grow "feelings!"
The only thing that has helped me is God. I finally got it through my thick head that while I was praying for my husband to change, I needed to pray for myself to change too. I started to understand that just because I "felt" something, did not mean I had to let it infect me.
Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. When I asked Jesus into my life He planted Joy inside of me. That's why it says that "this is the day the Lord has made, I WILL rejoyce and be glad in it." Otherwise it would say I could, or I might, or I should in place of I WILL rejoyce.
Once I began to pray for myself to be full of the good "feelings" I was able to keep my peace and keep my joy even in tough situations.
My husband was very irritated at first, but little by little, while God was working in me I noticed that He was also changing my husband. About 2 years later my husband told me that he noticed when I began to control my emotions. He said that it really bothered him at first. Then after a while it started to help him. He said that at times he would even test me, just to see if I'd let my emotions get the better of me (granted I was not, and am still not, perfect). But God is so awesome that He worked through me more when I asked Him to work on me, than any time I asked Him to work on my husband.
And as a side note, you said that you wanted to feel "wanted/cherished by another man"
I cannot convey to you strongly enough that I KNOW what you mean!
I cried through many nights thinking this same thing. I even prayed for God to let me have that feeling of being wanted and cherished. I cried out and He spoke to my heart...
I clearly heard Him say, "Why don't you know that you are already wanted and cherished? I picked you out as my own. I am King of Kings and Lord of Lords and I choose YOU! I love you so much that I was willing to die for you. I love you soo much that I conqured death for you. I love you so much that I am with you now and I will never leave your side for even a moment. How can you not know how much you are loved and wanted and cherished when I freely gave you My heart as soon as you asked for it? No matter what, never doubt that I love you for I have proved it and I continue to show you everyday!"
Needless to say, I got the message. I pray that you receive this revelation too.
My prayers are with you and your family.
Much love from a sister in Christ