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Old 8th January 2011, 08:04 PM   #1
husbandhelp
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2
Is this love?

Hi,

I have been married now a long time and my wife and I are happy. But a few weeks ago I discovered some pictures of my wife and her one and only boy friend before me. They were at her sisters house who got them from their Mom when she passed away.

She had told me about the guy who she dated for about 3 months but I had never seen any pictures. The pictures of their Prom event just blowed me away.

In the pictures I saw them holding hands (no big deal I know) and my wife wearing his high school ring (which I did not know before).

Well my wife says she only liked the guy and did NOT love him.

But when I look at the situation I see... my wife being very affectionate with him, wearing his high school ring, kissing him, hugging him, going to church with him a couple of times, him coming to her house and meeting her parents, they went to movies skating and such and on their last date they went to a drive in where some "messing around" took place but no intercourse. After that they broke up.

Now my question is doe that seem like a love relationship or could it just be a "like": relationship as my wife says.

I know it is in the past and my head knows that my wife loves me and only me now for many years. But looking at the pictures of her with another guy, before me, just breaks my heart.

I guess I should also say that I did not have an active dating life before my wife. So it is very hard for me to see affection and togetherness as being anything other than love.

Any help, what do you think?

Heartbroken
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Old 8th January 2011, 09:05 PM   #2
Helen_uk
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Re: Is this love?

It's very difficult to come to terms with the fact that a loved partner had a life before we knew them when you face it head on in the way you have.... Seeing evidence like that is a shock. But you and your wife have a loving , stable marriage it seems so I really think you need to let it go.

It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things whether it was love or like, maybe she felt it WAS love until she met the love of her life - you - and then realized it was really only like. You could try to see it in that positive light and hopefully the feelings of jealousy will fade away....

You are only human , so is your wife. Your future is together , why let the past impinge on that ?
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Old 8th January 2011, 11:19 PM   #3
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Is this love?

My take on it is this. How on earth would she have known how this would end up and that he wasn't the one for her? You weren't even in the picture then remember.

My wife was actually engaged to be married to another. Fortunately I don't have any photographs. It wasn't right in the end. I don't know the details of the why and wherefore and am not interested to know. All I know is that she fell in love with me years later and married me. So it is really irrelevant.

Unfortunately this fellow periodically tries to renew contact with her even though he is married, but my wife is troubled by it always ignores it.

As far as I am concerned the past is past and the present is the present. I dare say my wife was in the kissing and cuddling stages and was fully expecting to be married to him. She did nothing that I would not have done in that position. I know that she would not have had sex outside of marriage.

I would forget it. Don't let a little thing like that destroy the happiness you have now. It is not fair on her either.
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Old 9th January 2011, 07:46 AM   #4
husbandhelp
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Re: Is this love?

Hi,

Thanks for the responses.

I think you have helped me to see things a bit more clearly now. I have got to keep reminding myself this was all in the past and our NOW relationship is all that matters. And really that is petty good and has been for all these years.

Please pray for me and again thanks for the words of support.
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Old 9th January 2011, 10:11 AM   #5
Raymond
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Re: Is this love?

Good for you. Will pray.

Don't let the little foxes spoil the vine.

Last edited by Raymond; 9th January 2011 at 10:17 AM.
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Old 9th January 2011, 02:26 PM   #6
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Is this love?

yes you need to let it go. It doesn't matter whether she liked or loved him. My husband and I have both been married for a long time to other people, but we live with that and we are very happy so it doesnt matter now.
You have a good and happy marriage, be thankful for that and forget it. It was before she met you.
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Old 9th January 2011, 10:34 PM   #7
birdit
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 87
Re: Is this love?

Are you serious? Why is it relevant what happened before your wife met you? I am recently split from my husband and coping with the loss of my best friend and soulmate - am I to be expected never to have another relationship again because men can't cope with their women having previous relationships!?? Please enjoy the stabillity and love that you have right now and be thankful.
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Old 7th February 2011, 10:52 AM   #8
james11
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Re: Is this love?

No This is not love but cheating,Someone don't understand mean of love.
alpha asian
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