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Old 17th November 2022, 06:13 AM   #16
Chhow
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Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 2
Re: Unhappily married to wrong person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karene View Post
I married 4 years ago, but have been unhappy with my husband for about 3 years. I put my unhappiness down to pregnancy hormones, as I have since had 2 children, but the unhappiness, frustration and dissatisfaction has only increased. We are both Christians, which somehow makes it harder. We believe marriage should be for life, but the thought of spending the rest of my life with someone I can hardly stand the sight of, has driven me to drinking rather more heavily than I ought. The heartache of not knowing what to do for the best has caused me months of despair. My husband is not abusive. He has his faults, but so do I. I feel unhappy with him because we are too different in personality. I married him because I was scared of being left 'on the shelf' as I approached 40, but I believe I have married someone unsuitable. I thought I loved him when I married him, but now I most certainly do not.
The upshot is I asked him to move out of the marital home after 3 1/2 years of marriage, and we officially separated. We had been to The Marriage Course at a local church, which highlighted where the problem areas were, but it didn't help much. I came in for some criticism from people in the church, who felt that I ought to stay with my husband and that I ought to love him with Christian love if I couldn't love him naturally. Their criticism, though well-intentioned, only made me feel even more guilty. Someone suggested that I wasn't considering my children's feelings, but I felt that it was better for them not to live in a stressful and unhappy environment.
Since the separation, I have moved with my children to another part of the country. However, I feel that I am not coping on my own, and the children are still in a stressful environment because of that. I have considered asking my husband to move back in for their sakes, but I know that I would not be any happier, and in fact I would feel 'taken over' by his presence in the house again. I don't know what to do for the best. The thought of spending the rest of my life living with him makes me feel wretched. Marriage is not supposed to be a prison, but how often it becomes a prison.
Hi. My friend is in much the same situation, and she is heavily condemned by the church and her relatives. You need to constantly remind yourself that they are not living your life, but you. In your case, there are children who suffer without a father. If he can, he could move closer to see the kids, they both need it. Don't beat yourself up about your feelings. You are a good man for being able to be honest with your ex-husband and with yourself. Good luck
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