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Old 18th March 2009, 09:36 AM   #271
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

You're right Georgie, we will. Time I stood on my own two feet anyway. Financial security is nothing when living such a farce of a marriage like me turned out to be.

I didn't really get any benefits of it anyway, I was always so concious of knowing I made far less. Just wish I'd asked for those Ugg boots and GHD's at Christmas LOL.

Taking back the camera I bought him. Oh that's another thing, I'm deleting all pictures, can't stand the though of seeing pictures of us.

All my friends are going to help me, my cousin and my brother have been fab. I'm going to be sad for a while but I'll move on.

Far easier for me as no kids (phew) but I know you will do it too Georgie. I'll be here to support you, promise.

I would like to work out where I went wrong, not taking all the blame but I'd like to discover how on earth I didn't see this coming AT ALL and how I didn't notice his feelings change.

I was def quite a needy for love person and so was he so maybe he changed and I didn't. I don't know. I'm wondering if I knew him at all.

The very next lesson I need to learn asap is DON'T FALL IN LOVE AGAIN, EVER :-) I think people just expect too much from each other and when the going gets tough, the weaker ones bail. I spent lots of time chastising myself for being weak for crying and feeling helpless but I'm the one who was honest with my feelings and I can walk away knowing that I didn't lie, manipulate or mentally torture someone (whether the intention was there or not.)

I think it takes a very selfish person to do what he has done but you know, he'll carry on making the same mistakes, he'll carry on blaming everyone else for not fitting into his mold and he'll carry on running. I can see that now. I'll hopefully stop expecting more of people and realise that not everyone is perfect, not everyone can communicate well (just seems so alien to me that) and not everyone is content with their lives.

It's time to grow up for me.
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Old 18th March 2009, 04:41 PM   #272
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

hi Redned and thanks, tis a tint teeny bit exciting too all mixed in with the fear.

A new chapter like you say. I like that. Don't think I like this house anymore anyway, never got a chance to do anything with it.

You keep popping in to say hi and I'll read your thread when you start posting.
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Old 18th March 2009, 05:37 PM   #273
RayCub
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

JWD, I'm not sure what to say...You've been so supportive of me over the last week or so, and I feel so incredibly bad that you're going through this - that ANY of us on here are going through this. It still freaks me out when I read about how similar all of our stories seem to be. Do you supposed our H's were once octuplets, separated at birth?!?!

My heart goes out to you. My H is also unfeeling wih no doubt, hesitation or regrets. He is simply walking away to live his new, old life (since it seems he lives in the 80's!!), and doesn't give two *%$#'s how I feel about any of it. And I still have to smile and be civil to him in front of my kids...and I'm forced to keep the pictures for them, when all I'd like to do is burn them and smash our wedding photo in a million pieces. Have to be "Little Miss Lovely" though...blah!

When you're ready, delete the pictures, leave the house, get a job and start new....at least you only have yourself to look out for, and you can go anywhere and do anything you want. You're incredibly smart, strong and sensitive. You'll do so well on your own, I really believe that - he was no doubt holding YOU back all this time!!! So, you go, Girl. You show him and the rest of the world how great you truly are!!

And please, please, please....don't ever rule out falling in love again. That gives your ex more power, to think that you'll never love again because of him - that he "ruined" you for someone else. Be picky, choose wisely, don't settle...but be open to falling in love again when the right guy comes along. Because he will, and he'll be one to receive all of your love and support and respect - all the things your ex didn't deserve! And he'll love the hell out you, like you deserve!!

Oodles of love, hugs and support!
xo
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Old 18th March 2009, 05:55 PM   #274
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

Awww thank you so much. I was just sitting here thinking maybe I am a horrible person and this is karma for me for something. You're right, none of this was my fault so why is he meaning so mean.

I don't know any other area here, just been looking at flats but probably too close to where he is? Not that I would be likely to bump into him.

Wonder how long I have til the count down begins lol

Must be so hard for you putting on a face for the selfish sod. You're doing the right thing though, you need to for the girls.

We're all going to be fine. Nothing else for it.

x
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Old 20th March 2009, 10:11 PM   #275
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

hehehe, I know my friend cancelled. Hmmm mother not well. How dare she not be well in my time of need.

What have you been upto?
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Old 20th March 2009, 11:03 PM   #276
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

'Canny' are you a scot?

I've waited in all morning for a tesco order that I hadn't confirmed. Well done.#
cleaned house again and had my mother-in-law round. A good day.

Watched mistresses which is quite galling considering but had to find out what happened :-)

What films you watching?
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Old 20th March 2009, 11:34 PM   #277
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

fank you :-)

Really, I'm feeling very scared and intimidated by my Husband. There is no need to be I don't think.

When I first met him, everyone went on about how horrid his ex was and how lovely he was and how he didn't deserve it. he was nice then. Anyway, his pub/footie friends are all nice enough but they all stick together like pack animals when something happens to one of them and I heard through a friend that they were all saying I chucked him out which is true but no mention of his wandering text digits.

Anyway, his other friends are all high flying go getter types and I know they hate his ex with venom, it like everyone protect poor H, I don't know why I feel like this, paranoia lol

He is just such a stranger now that I can't predict what will happen. His stuff is still all here and I think there will be a lot of pressure to get me out eeek.

his mother said he wouldn't put me on the street which was comforting NOT, she is lovely but so tactless.

Only had a two second happy thought of him earlier and that was because an advert came on tv and we had been on holiday there. Oh and we got a wedding invite through the door :-(

I still can't really believe that it's happened.
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Old 21st March 2009, 12:05 AM   #278
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

Aw thank you, you're right. That was a lovely post and you're right, I AM all those things and he doesn't deserve me. Thank you.

My friend keep saying one day i'll look back and think 'what an arse-hole' LOL so looking forward to that. She reckons by then he'll be on his third divorce.
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Old 21st March 2009, 12:30 AM   #279
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

So am I, at one point I thought if we had kids, he would stay but imagine trying to look after kids and also a big overgrown baby who is happy enough to split another relationship with a child, even though he doesn't like kids.

Ahhh you're right. my Mr right turned out to be Mr so so so wrong. :-)
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Old 21st March 2009, 02:50 AM   #280
Hilary
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

JWD
I've been away for a while (busy week) and have just read your thread. I'm sorry to read it's all over.
Glad that your brother can be supportive.
And now it is time to focus on you, your present and future - let go of exH and focus on something else. Take time to be curious about what makes you curious - what/where would you like to explore?

Look after yourself and go well.
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Old 21st March 2009, 09:45 PM   #281
jahdog
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

look after yourself and go well. i like that. may adopt as new self philosophy.
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Old 22nd March 2009, 01:39 AM   #282
georgie
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

Hey JWD, hope you've been enjoyng a footlose and fancy free weekend. No kids to tie you to that millstone of a H - go for your life girl! NO REBOUNDING - but have lot's of fun.
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Old 22nd March 2009, 11:39 AM   #283
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

thanks hilary
ARGHHHHHHHHHHH just spent ages pouring my heart and soul into this post and I lost it LOL

Right, hello georgie, I was out having fun. My wonderful friends took me for cocktails then to a beautiful noodle bar for dinner. The ones that had partners dumped them (got a great big cuddle from my friends husband) man cuddles are just fab aren't they, and we man bashed for a good while and I had my biggest rant yet, there was a table full of men next to us but they daren't even snigger hahaha.

Oh it was brilliant. Just listening to them also and saying the exact same things I was feeling, knowing that one of my friends friends has experienced it now she is in a fab place, carefree her own person. We went to lots of different pubs, pubs that I didn't even know existed. lots of hen parties and I resisted the urge to scorn my tainted, hate filled views on their 'big day' LOL.

I think a couple of people may have been flirting with me, one a much older man and one a lesbian but hey, a flirts a flirt

Bumped into his friend last night, the one he brought home in the midst of all this. there was no kiss like he usually gives me, he was mortified, said hello and ran off. I don't care. You know what I remembered as soon as I saw him though. That night Husband brought him back, you know they were saying in front of me, oh those strippers were hot blah blah blah and what about the prostitutes and my Husband said yeah I would bend her back blah blah blah, now this could have been a wind up but actually, this friend did know what was going on between us. I just thought how nasty, and insensitive and horrible person my husband has turned out to be. He can do whatever he likes with prostitutes and strippers (why doesn't he get this) but he won't be breaking me down any longer or messing with my head. He is broken and he can fix himself.

I kept thinking he would walk in with the girl but you know I'm not even jealous or upset about that. If it happens, it happens, I'll move on. Not going to waste my time thinking thoughts that serve no purpose to me at all.

Oh and the next time he feels like bringing his friends round, I'll just make sure my brother is here. That should be fun

The girls are all going to Australia in November and want me to go with them. They are all on same wages and have lovely houses so I know I'm going to be fine. I think I'll just save a little for the lawyer and a lot for the holiday, after all, it's not me looking for a divorce, or at least it wasn't me. THEN

Oh fell out with best friend, hasn't called in a week. Makes me sick when I think of the times I've helped her out. Anyway, we'll make up I'm just starting to get rid of the dead wood in my life. I do understand that everyones elses life keep moving despite my trauma, just feel let down in general. Maybe it's good though, maybe I will learn that only person going to get me through this is me.

it's a funny old world isn't it. Practical strangers reach out and help you through the worst moments in your life and life long friends disappear. I imagine I will be reviewing lots of relationships though different eyes from now on which won't always be a bad thing.

Well I'm going to kick start the day with a cigarette IN the bedroom HA he hates that :-) think I'll stop soon once my crisis is over.

Hope you are all well, I'm off to catch up with the threads. So selfish posting my own first. It's al ME ME ME

I'm sure I've left something out but will rush back as soon as I remember.

I've had a terrible thought, imagine someone recognised me. how awful ahh who cares.
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Old 22nd March 2009, 11:57 AM   #284
georgie
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

Replied to you on my thread - this is more confusing then dating - your place or mine etc. God I don't want to go back there... first dates, when to go to which base blah blah.
but not to worry I've ordered a free horoscope (doing all those stupid things that would have been frowned upon during the H regime - even stuff I'm not really in to just because I'm such a REBEL - a legend in my own mind) - my life will be explained in great and accurate detail so I've nothing to think about for myself.
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Old 22nd March 2009, 12:05 PM   #285
JWD
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Re: My husband no longer loves me

LOL I get about forty a day, and constantly look at his. Mine keep saying your are going through a transition YEAH YEAH YEAH and be patient ha.

Also been going crazy with the free tarot cards

What's the craziest thing you've done in your quest to bring back fog head? mine has to be the almost paying for a white witch.

The most degrading thing is allowing him to have sex with me and him in the middle of it saying oh I don't want to use you. OH I want to punch him GIT, should have said well wasn't much of a using you big fat beast lol
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