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Old 13th March 2009, 10:42 PM   #1
amir
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my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

Hi , i dont kow how to start , my wife have told me two weeks a go that she has no feelings for me anymore , and she wants to be seperated , we have been married for 8 years and we have 3 children . the youngest one is a girl and she is two now , she was borne with abirth defect and had to go through 3 operations since the day she was borne. Our flat was burned down two weeks after she was borne and we had to live in temporary accomdationfor a while until the flat was done, so we decided that they should go to sweden(wife is from Sweden)for a while until things get sorted, during that time we decided to buy a house in Sweden , i got soem money from my sister and managed to get a house in small town , the kids were happy going to school , and wife was feeling beter after all the troubles we had , i decided to stay in london and work to support them, during that time i had to declare bankrupcy as our debts were getting more, my wife used to come to london with the kids and spent time togther , but she never wanted to be in london anymore. I had to stay and work and support them, time went bye quickley and in november last year my daughter the youngest had to come to london for an operation , ahe had to spend two months in hospital, in january after she was given the all clear my wife decided to go back to Sweden ,( but when she came to London in november she said she want to stay in london or good and she brought every thing back with her ) so i helped back to Sweden , i spent few days with and then come back to London. Two Weeks ago i was talking to her on the phone and she started crying and telling me she doesn't want to ne married anymore and she doesn't love anymore , she has no feelings for me we talkled for a while on the phone to sort it out but she didnt want to. few ours later that day she called me back and said she wants to have another go if i went to Sweden and live there , i said ok , i will sort everything in london and go to sweden, later that day i called her back to see how she is and she told me again that don't love me anymore and she wants a seperation and at the moment she needs to be alone she doesn't need me anymore as i haven't been there with them for 1 and half years , she said we grew a part , and she has been thinking about for a long time (1 and half years ) but she didnt want to hurt me, i asked if we can try again and she said no not at the moment , she doesnt't feeling anything for me , she loves me but not that kind of love only as a friend and she wants to be alone and have time for her self.
During that year and ahalf we had sex three times , no caddles nothing whatsoever
i have no idea what to do its effecting my work , i dont know if i get another chance.
i love her she means everything to me, she gave me three lovely kids and i love them to bits , i dont want to lose that i want to be a family again. i asked her if i should come to sweden and live with them , and she said no not at the moment .
I am sorry about the long thread , but i dont know what to do or who to talked to .
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Old 13th March 2009, 11:09 PM   #2
JWD
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

Oh I feel your pain, just awful. IS she maybe depressed, confused because she is in another country. Well she has changed her mind three times in one day so don't jump the gun just yet. Let her ring you and try very hard to be strong. She will want you to be strong and coping.

keep posting

You can call samaratins they are really great to talk to.

keep posting, let all your thought out here
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Old 13th March 2009, 11:21 PM   #3
Hilary
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

Amir

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. Talk to us here and get support from others who have been through similar issues. You are right not to want to give up on your marriage, wife and children, but the practicalities of your situation might make life very difficult.

It is very hard but your first concern has to be to look after yourself. Make sure you eat, go to work, be as productive as you can so your job is not threatened and do look after your finances. Despite the agony of everything you still have to be practical. At the moment you do need lots of emotional support and I'm sure many on this site will do that for you, but you also need to take physical care of yourself.

Go well, or as well as you can given your situation
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Old 13th March 2009, 11:48 PM   #4
Ageing Grace
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

Hi, Amir

Just wanted to add my sympathy for your horrible situation. No wonder you're so distressed! Please try to keep yourself healthy & steady - it must feel impossible, but you are the strong person in your family right now so your wellbeing is essential for all

Your poor wife sounds as if she's cracking up from all her worries. Go easy on her and, if you can, extend love and patience towards her. She may feel lonely in Sweden and - what with your little girl's troubles and your distant marriage - not knowing which way to turn for some respite.

How soon can you get over to Sweden to spend some time together?

Please take good care of yourself, you're important.
AG
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Old 14th March 2009, 08:01 PM   #5
amir
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

thank you for all your support , i am trying to take it one day at a time. Ageing Grace I can't go to Sweden I
have already asked her and she said not at the moment , i was going to tale her out for dinner on moheers day , put she said no , she can't get a baby sitter, I even asked if she wants to come to London and we can go away togther without the kids and she refused. I think the best thing is to give her time and see what happens maybe she will have it in her to give me another chance .
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Old 15th March 2009, 04:06 AM   #6
JWD
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

I think that is very wise to give it time. We;re always in such a rush to sort things but it just creates pressure. You take time to think about what you really want.
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Old 15th March 2009, 03:17 PM   #7
Ageing Grace
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

I see your point, JWD, but I'm not sure in this situation. She's been struggling to make her own life in Sweden for the past year and a half. I don't see how Amir & Mrs Amir can sort this out by phone.

Amir, obviously I don't know you or the ins & outs of your relationship. But I'm surprised you're waiting on her invitation to go over there. In your situation, I would book a flight anyway. I think you need to see each other, otherwise your marriage is more theoretical than real.

What do you think?
AG
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Old 15th March 2009, 07:50 PM   #8
amir
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

AG I don't want tp put her under pressure by turning up in Sweden , she may not like that. I agree i need to see her and speak to her we cannot work things on the phone. I don't now anymore i need to do something soon but i don't know what or how.
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Old 15th March 2009, 09:37 PM   #9
Ageing Grace
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

I don't fully understand why you're scared to visit your own wife & kids, Amir. Are you saying you're ready to agree to a divorce?

AG
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Old 16th March 2009, 06:58 PM   #10
Raymond
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

Marriage getting theoretical AG? Maybe thats one of the problems. Spending such long periods apart and growing apart can make the marriage almost theoretical. She has learned to live without you Amir it seems.

I really hope this can be mended. If you get back together you will need to live an ordinary married life together, being a father to your children also. Money isn't everything. At the moment she is double minded it seems. There is something you need to say to her about the whole situation. You really need another chance to be a real family with a real marriage and not a theoretical one.

Raymond
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Old 16th March 2009, 08:54 PM   #11
amir
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

AG and Raymond i do agree with you its a theoretical marrige, at the moment she is not listening to anything i say , AG i am not scared of going to Sweden, she doesn't want me there , she said i can go and see the kids , and she will stay with her friend for that time , that means to me she doent't to face me at the moment .
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Old 16th March 2009, 09:11 PM   #12
JWD
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Re: my wife dont l;ove me anymore , she loves me as a good friend

Not sure whats best then Amir, How about a letter letting her know that you realise she wants some space and that you are trying to understand this. Let her know that she can share any worries or fears with you?

So hard I know
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