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Old 7th May 2009, 04:34 PM   #1
rebeccas_3
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How much do you tolerate in a family?

Hello, I'm new here and looking for opinions and advice.
My concern is this: Some people in my close family thrive on gossip to the point of trying to destroy people's lives. They have been know to actively seek-out ways of causing their "loved ones" to turn on their spouse and ultimately bring divorce as well as broken lives and ruined reputations.
I love these people but abhor their actions. I have tried speaking to them to no avail. The hardest part is that they all call themselves Christians. This not only upsets me as a Christian who is concerned with their eternal lives in mind, but they are actively driving people away from Christ through their actions.
When do you say enough is enough and cut ties? Family is important but I don't want my children exposed to this hate-filled practice.
Please help... Thank you!
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Old 7th May 2009, 05:49 PM   #2
Raymond
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Re: How much do you tolerate in a family?

This is awful Rebecca. It always amazes me how christians can act like this, if in fact they are really christians and not just nominal ones. They are doing the enemy's work here if they did but know it.

I don't know if it right to cut your family off but you certainly need not join in their game. Gossip is a dangerous game and can sow seeds into people about others which are twisted and not really true. You must try not to receive these things about other people as well. The scripture says if you have a fault about someone go to them alone not gossip it all over the place. I would tell them to go and see the person if they are bothered about it. If not they should keep quite instead of judging and condemning others.

I always remember the Bambi film where the rabbit repeats to his mother what he has been taught i.e. "If you cannot say anything good about someone, don't say anything at all". A lot of truth in that.

Raymond
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Old 23rd May 2009, 03:21 AM   #3
Hilary
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Re: How much do you tolerate in a family?

Hi Rebecca

Destructive gossip is never right and it doesn't matter who the gossipers are. The measure if whether gossip is right for a Christian is whether it leads to love, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control (Galations). Some gossip is for the right reasons, much isn't

So go out and find another group of friends ad people to spend time with. Don't cut family off, just don't let them close enough to you to do anything destructive to you and your relationships. Get a life outside of your family.
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Old 23rd May 2009, 07:31 AM   #4
Raymond
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Re: How much do you tolerate in a family?

I suppose the destructive kind is pulling people down behind their back. It is easy to sink in to if we are not careful when people come up to us putting someone else down. If we don't receive it they will soon go away.

Raymond
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Old 24th May 2009, 03:46 PM   #5
Johnee S
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Re: How much do you tolerate in a family?

It soundslike to me they themselves are in pain and are ignorant to that pain. Their actions in my mind seem to be intentional from your discription of the issue. If challenging their true believer christian morals doesn't work, if it were me in your predicament I'd drop them like a bad habit to save my kids. Family is everything but if thye are that low and self centred then i say "Good bye" and not waste your time, effort, or energy on them.

They all need help and as long as they all continue supporting one another in what they do, good riddens. Sorry I am an extremist and I only see extreme methods to getting extreme results in this case, it may not be the best method for all but it does get results. The result here being you no longer have to be affected by their actions, neither will your kids.

Also karma is one B**ch of a boomerang! What they do negatively will ultimately land on their laps and you and your kids don't want to be there when it does.
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Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that the other feels the same.
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Old 26th May 2009, 04:36 PM   #6
rebeccas_3
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Re: How much do you tolerate in a family?

Thanks for all your advice. We have been trying to limit the time we spend with the family. Even when we go to family gatherings my husband and I, have now, made-up a signal that means "Leave NOW!"
We are also getting better at just saying that we will not be attending certain family functions that we know will be a hot-bed of hateful gossip. The family gets mad at us (and I'm sure we are a topic of conversation) but it is worth it.
The family is unfortunately stuck in a grade-school state, when they are mad at someone, they want everyone else to be mad at them too. Since my husband and I don't practice this juvenille behavior, we are labled as traitors to the family.
These people have gone so far as to berate my 6 yr old son because he still speaks to his Grandpa even after him & Grandma got a divorce. He has also had to listen to these people openly critisize me to him. The kid is only 6 and they want to tell him why they think his mom is a bad mom! It's sick!
So now we don't let the kids spend alone-time with anyone in the family. Its awful but we just can't let these people infect our kids.
Please send your prayers to heal our family. I'm constantly praying that they come to know the real Jesus and not just the idea of Him, as well as praying that I can keep forgiving and doing my very best to walk in love.
It's hard, but I know it's worth it. I just have to keep Him as my focus.
Thank you again for allowing me to rant and for giving advice, I needed it
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