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Old 2nd October 2010, 03:44 PM   #1
laurant
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Advice on my marriage

Hi
on the 12th septemeber after a few months of silly arguments because i have been paranoid, controlling and jelious, my wife and hand an argument that resulted in me threatening to kill myself and then begging and pleading with her to forgive me, she asked for a break. i agreed as i was ashamed about what i had done and the way i had treated her. i moved into a b&b and she remained at home! on sunday 19th after no comunication since i moved out on the 15th i txt her and asked if we could talk. she said she wanted to but it was to soon as her head was a mess. we txt back and forth that night and i got the impression she would forgive me but then on monday she seemed said she needed more time so i left it and then on sunday 26th i txt and asked if we could meet up for a coffee and she agree and so on tuesay 28th we met and she sat there silent i said i realised how i acted and that i was sorry and i had changed but she said i always say that and eventually i asked if she give me another chance but she said no! we left coffee shop and we cuddled and then seperated. next day she txt and asked how i was then went on to say we needed to get together and sort things out meaning bills etc! (so she was telling me it was over) i was to hurt to replay so i left it until the thurday and txt asking her if she was ok and she txt back asking me the same. Today saturday 2nd october i txt and asked if we could meet up for a coffee and she said thats a good idea as we need to sort out how we are going to divide things. we are meeting on monday where she suggested we go for a walk with the dogs as i havent seen them since i moved out!
I have been to a councilor to sort out my issues as one of the main things according to my wife sister is that she thinks i will never change and she did say while we were having a coffee that if she forgave me it would be good for 3 weeks and then turn back to normal! i feel my wife is trying to move to fast to sort things out as she is still angry and has feeling she is trying to suppress!
i want her to come to counciling with me to try and save our marriage but dont have any idea now i can ask her if she is so bent on this course of action. i dont want to make things worse and distroy any chance of salvaging things so i am at a lose!
I feel inside and know she still loves me and that her action about sorting things out is probabley her lashing out at me cause she is hurt.
i need advice on how to proceed and broach the question of speaking to a councilor
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Old 2nd October 2010, 09:39 PM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Advice on my marriage

Difficult one Laurent. It seems to me that your personal problems are affecting the marriage and your wife is at the end of her tether. You cannot make her do anything. Neither can we.

I think your best bet is to be serious and get counselling for your problems. Let her know that you are doing this but not to manipulate her. Do it for yourself. You have a serious problem with manipulating from what you have written.

With regard to jealousy what were you jealous of if she was your wife anyway? If she was being faithful being jealous could just be your insecurity perhaps?

What you need to learn is that you cannot control another person and it is wrong to try. We relate to each other by freewill. Any pressure to bend another to our wills is control and not healthy. Even God does not do that to us.

I think you have a lot to learn in this area and the sooner the better. Who knows after a bit of time she will not begin to recognise the changes in you and have some hope for you together?
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